February 22, 2012
Miley Cyrus
CASTING STONES
Oliver Stone’s son has converted to Islam and is now the righteous Sean Ali Stone. The young Stone adopted his new religion last week in a bid to foster peace among Christians, Jews, and Muslims. Stone is Jewish as well as a baptized Christian. “I consider myself a Jewish Christian Muslim,” he said. No word yet on whether or not the Hollywood heir will be able to end a 1,500-year-old conflict. He is being ostracized in Tinseltown and says he’s experienced “the reverse of anti-Semitism” by “pissing off some powerful people.” Dear Sean, God bless you for trying, but “powerful people” are avoiding you because you come off like an amateur, not because of some grand cabal. FYI, Arabs are Semitic people, too. So what precisely is reverse anti-Semitism?
RONNIE WOOD: STILL FLOATING
Moss-gathering Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood has yet another young gal pal. Since divorcing his wife of 23 years back in 2009 he has had a slew of girlfriends half his age and younger. First there was Ekaterina Ivanova when she was a 19-year-old waitress, followed by 32-year-old Brazilian model Ana Araujo. He recently broke up with 25-year-old Nicola Sargent, only to take up with 34-year-old Sally Humphreys. What do these women possibly see in this ancient piece of driftwood? It can”t be because of his looks”he’s a bony, wrinkled wretch! Surely these lasses aren”t after his fame or money. Maybe he’s a really nice guy. If it’s for sex, well, he certainly has the experience. Ew.
TAT 1, TAT 2
Possibly in homage to the fact that Ronnie Wood refuses to die, teen singer Miley Cyrus recently got a tattoo on her bicep that says “love never dies.” Cyrus might want to take cues from ex-bad boy actor Mark Wahlberg, who is having his tattoos removed under his two eldest children’s watchful eyes. Wahlberg is attempting to persuade his munchkins against getting inked by forcing them to watch his painful and extensive laser-removal sessions. On the mark, Marky Mark.
KOBE B. BAD
LA Laker Kobe Bryant is supposedly going through a divorce from his wife Vanessa, though the two were seen kissing at a Lakers game on Valentine’s Day. Vanessa is currently shopping around for an apartment in New York City, but the basketballer wants to reconcile and has said he will never, ever cheat on his wife again if she takes him back. Vanessa stands to gain $75 million if the divorce goes through. Should she stay or should she go? The couple have small children so it would be nice to see the young family stay together, but don”t take him at his word, Vanessa. Once a baller always a baller. Before you know it, he”ll be double-dribbling on you again.
