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Some recent surprisingly honest talk from the U.K.’s new Chief Inspector of Schools about violent and intimidating no-go areas existing in certain places of inner-city “learning” [sic] have helped spark a debate about poor behavior amongst the nation’s increasingly errant schoolchildren. As an ex-teacher myself, this all brought back a few previously successfully repressed memories.

I admit, some examples of juvenile delinquency can be fairly amusing and inventive. I do fondly remember the child hacker who infiltrated the internal computer system of one school I knew of and sent out a mass email to every employee, parent, and student, purporting to come from the Deputy Headmaster’s own personal account, in which the victim ostensibly came out as being gay, for example (these were still the days when he wouldn’t just have been immediately promoted for revealing this wonderful news to the world, of course). Secretly, the majority of adults in the staffroom thought this was all quite funny, not to mention highly technically impressive—the major exception being the Deputy Head himself.

Schoolboy Errors
Personally, I was lucky enough to teach in high schools where most of the kids were not outright stab-happy sociopaths, and many were actively quite pleasant. Some alumni from my old schools have gone on to very great things: Hollywood stardom, Olympic success, successfully marrying a very tall footballer. Other schoolchildren, of course, head very much the other way: drug addiction, prison, outstanding achievements in the field of murder.

And yet, the vast majority of classroom misbehavior in my own happily semi-sheltered experience amongst the unthreatening offspring of the broadly genetically and socially normal was little worse than excessive talking, inattention, or backchat, the same things children have always done, whatever the era. But, during such previous eras, did children really do genuinely criminal things like the following?

When I was first starting out in the job, one of the other student teachers suddenly left our training course in abject horror. Why? Because, in the middle of one of her lessons, a teenage boy had masturbated himself off under the desk, got up, walked across the room, and then smeared his cum into one particular unfortunate female classmate’s face, telling her to “Get your dinner out of that, love!” Free school meals have never been so unappetizing.

If He Had a Hammer…
I’m sure the occasional teenage lunatic has always committed the odd surreptitious sex crime in the schoolyard, quietly behind the bike sheds, so as to considerately respect their victims’ privacy. But to do so openly and publicly, in front of an entire class full of students, adults, and teachers? How had things descended down to this abysmal behavioral level?

One of the main reasons indiscipline has become so endemic in many British schools is simply due to the long-term systematic influence of moronic outside political do-gooders who never actually have to go into any classrooms and deal with the malign consequences of their unrealistically utopian actions themselves personally. Thanks to such bleeding-heart politicians and legislators, cane-wielding teachers of old have had their traditional powers of corporal and capital punishment (an excellent method of reducing overlarge class sizes, in my experience) stolen away from them and are now often no longer really allowed to meaningfully discipline evildoers at all—something the more delinquent children know only too well.

One supply teacher told me sadly why he had left his full-time job. Entering his otherwise empty classroom, he found one especially deranged teen smashing the windows with a large hammer. Naturally, he wrestled the item away from him. Later, the teacher and student were called into the headmaster’s office together to experience the thoroughly deserved reprimand—which was directed entirely toward the teacher, for having had the temerity to physically handle the boy whilst pulling the weapon out of his grasp. The teacher should have given the lad his hammer back and let him smash the head’s own skull in with it.

Now, thanks to the influence of such deluded “humanitarians,” what kinds of punishment can still be inflicted upon Britain’s hordes of wayward little boys and girls? Very little. I was once told off by a higher-up staff member for handing out lines to my own students, as this was not “constructive” and “interesting” enough. Yes. That was the whole point. It was supposed to bore and annoy them, not to entertain them. How can you hand a wrongdoer a “punishment” that is actively enjoyable? Won’t that just encourage them to act badly all the more?

Just about the “worst” punishment still actually allowed to be inflicted these days is that of suspension—i.e., a few free days off school, on an officially sanctioned basis. That’s what that disturbed oaf who wiped his spunk into another kid’s face got, if I remember rightly. I recall another equally disturbed child, during my own teacher-training period, who had his friends forcibly hold another boy down on the floor in the playground, whilst he wiped his arse repeatedly across his prone face. Again, the only sentence awaiting the junior sex-abuser here was a nice short home-holiday. With “punishments” like that being all that was available, I’m surprised every kid in the school didn’t end up with a face looking like Al Jolson after a bukkake party.

Ain’t Miss Behaving?
It is an obvious fact that there are a number of frankly psychotic children in U.K. schools who should quite simply be placed within Young Offender’s Institutions (or, better yet, miniature teen-size coffins) for other students’ safety—and yet, all too often, they are treated like helpless “victims of society,” shown wholly undeserved “understanding,” and allowed to walk out of lessons for “quiet rooms,” wherein they may successfully “self-therapize.”

In one such padded schoolhouse cell, I once encountered a young girl completing a “healing” worksheet, showing a crying cartoon child emitting an empty thought-bubble, which she had been encouraged to fill in with her (very limited) inner thoughts and feelings. They went along the lines of: “When I’ve had a bad day I need a smoke, and the last thing I need then is some fat bastard teacher doing my head in stood at the school gates telling me not to.”

At least the “fat bastard teacher” here did actually bother to tell her not to do something forbidden, though: Other trendy adults prefer to actively encourage misbehavior. I can’t pretend I was a terribly strict educator myself, but I never actively encouraged the kids to act like hooligans, as some did.

One potential trainee teacher I met, whilst we were both sat outside an office waiting for our interviews to begin prior to being accepted (or not, in her own particular case, thank Christ) onto the training course, told me proudly how she was currently employed as a classroom assistant in a remand school for actual, full-blown juvenile delinquents. Here, she said, she had particularly enjoyed taking small groups of favored pupils up onto the roof and smoking pot with them. “It’s just what kids do, isn’t it?” she asked me, with a self-satisfied smirk on her piercing-filled face. Only if you let them, you septum-pierced, ring-studded cretin.

I once even encountered a teacher who claimed she allowed a particularly problematic class to call her “Cunt” instead of “Miss” as it supposedly fostered a sense of shared trust and comradeship between them, or some such loony pinko nonsense. It had all started when one child had asked her to “pass the fucking glue” and, in a craven attempt to curry favor, she had replied “here’s your fucking glue.” This they found hilarious and, ever since, she had deliberately encouraged swearing, claiming this procedure actually improved classroom discipline! So, to be fair, you can see why the kids did call her a cunt. They were right.

Hey, Teacher—Leave Those Kids Alone!
Unlike the irresponsible, craven idiots shamed above, most teachers I worked with back in the day were perfectly psychologically normal, myself excepted. Today, however, things may well be different, as demonstrated quite ably by the social media channel “Libs of TikTok,” which, as you may know, has made a specialty out of publicizing disturbing, yet proudly self-filmed, footage of Gen-Z American teachers with blue hair and facial tattoos who have clearly only infiltrated the profession in order to indoctrinate their helpless classroom charges with morally bankrupt ideologies of a Far-Left nature, primarily Queer Theory. Some find this shocking, but I guess it does make a certain sense that, if you happen to be a pedophile, you might well think of going into teaching.

Within a specifically British context, the best classroom vehicle for corrupting kids’ morals in this way are so-called PSHE lessons. PSHE actually stands for Personal, Social and Health Education, but I find that Periods, Shagging, Hormones, Etc., gives a much better expression of the majority of the pseudo-subject’s equally pseudo-content. These wholly unnecessary abominations are purportedly designed to foster a sense of “emotional literacy” in our children. Perhaps we should spend our time teaching some of them a bit of actual literacy instead?

Another teacher once told me of a PSHE worksheet she had been given by an outside agency (Jimmy Savile Educational Service Providers Ltd.) to use with her form-group of high school girls. Intended to facilitate “sexual knowledge” (re: teen pregnancy), it invited pupils to imagine they had been stuck in a lift with a favored member of the opposite sex—remember, this was some years back, the whole exercise would today surely no longer be so sickeningly heteronormative. Whilst in there alone together, each student then had to try and decide how far they would go in engaging in sexual acts with the local teenage boy of their wet dreams. Would they have full intercourse or only go part of the way?

The teacher was actually expected to ask the children whether they would, for example, suck the boy off, let him finger them, lick his nice young barely legal balls, etc., etc., and, if so, why. Even more disturbing, the little girls were also expected to see nothing wrong in being made to graphically describe an underage porn film scenario out loud in public by a leering adult. Sensibly, she threw the whole thing straight in the bin. Today’s Libs of TikTok would probably have made an entire curriculum out of it.

At the time, things this far morally gone were still not all that common, to be fair. The other teacher and myself just put the worksheet down to the actions of one lone, Gary Glitter-like weirdo whom nobody sensible would ever take any notice of. How naive we were!

Things really have come to a very poor pass when I can now look back fondly on the “good old days” when all British teachers had to deal with was the children wanking in each other’s faces without explicit adult approval.