James Comey

Speaking of neurotic obsessions, I couldn’t help but notice that Comey is obsessed with telling us how ethical he is. In the ABC interview alone, Comey used the word “truth” 42 times; “honest” 28 times, “ethical” 10 times—“integrity,” “principle” and “moral” at least five times apiece.

That’s more than I hear in church on Sunday, and the preacher isn’t talking about himself.

Comey’s talking about himself.

“The lesson I’ve learned,” he said, “is that … it helps you see things more clearly and realize things like truth matters, integrity matters. Those ethical values are what are going to last. And when you have to explain what you’ve done someday to your grandchildren, that’s what will matter. Your grandkids won’t understand that people—angry at me, or the vice president of the United States was telling me people were going to die because of me. What they’ll want to know is, ‘What was your North Star?’”

The “Real Housewives” engage in less self-referential preening.

Comey even takes the time to tell us that other people think he’s a pillar of integrity, too! For our edification, he recalled Obama telling him: “‘I appointed you to be FBI director because of your integrity and your ability.’ And then he looked me in the eye”—had he been staring at Comey’s crotch?—“and he said, ‘Nothing has happened, nothing, in the last year that has changed my view of that.’”

I honestly never thought these words would come out of my mouth, but I don’t know whether the former director of the FBI carries 8-by-10 glossies of himself wherever he goes. It’s possible. I don’t know.