Barack Obama

Shakira, known for educational songs such as “Underneath Your Clothes” and “She Wolf,” has been tapped to expand her humanitarian work beyond the borders of the Barefoot Foundation—an “education-focused” organization she founded in 1995—and will embrace the president’s Advisory Commission on Educational Excellence for Hispanics.

Trevor Neilson, Shakira’s “philanthropic adviser,” spoke on behalf of the woman who sings about her “Oral Fixation,” saying “Shakira considers this a profound honor and responsibility and is thrilled to be able to use her experience to help the president and commission in some small way.”

Besides teaching young barefoot girls how to writhe rhythmically in time to seductive music, Shakira has “educated more than 6,000 kids in her schools in Colombia” and believes deeply that unlike her own “assets,” which even she admits are “small and humble” and not to be confused with mountains, “Latino children are one of America’s greatest assets.”

Shakira is convinced that Latino children are capable of doing “incredible things for our country,” such as one day teaching other children to pole-dance in a bikini like she does, but only “if we ensure they have access to quality education” from wonderful Obama-appointed role models such as herself.

In the past, being the so-called Ugly Betty or the only Latina desperate housewife on television was enough to become a presidential advisor. However, add belly-dancing and running around in the shower in a wet négligée to an already ample set of credentials, and it’s easy to understand why Shakira, who performed for Obama’s inauguration, was a top contender for a position on the president’s education council.

Meanwhile, Latino celebrities such as Edward James Olmos and Marc Anthony, although potentially just as valuable to the president’s close circle of brilliant advisors, thus far have not held any press conferences or been featured as key participants in the conversation.

In the future, perhaps Barack Obama can further resolve the nation’s immigration-related problems by expanding his own borders to include additional well-qualified Hispanic political advisors such as Arizona immigration law critic Jessica Alba, former illegal immigrant Salma Hayek, and family immigration/deportation expert Sofia Vergara.