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Now that your kids are “safely” back at school and college this September, what are they actually learning? How to eat shit, that’s what.

In 2022, teaching materials endorsed by American teaching union the NEA were leaked online, instructing children how to perform all kinds of queer-tastic sex acts so obscure even Sam Smith hasn’t tried them. One particular fact sheet enlightened children about “RIMMING: Stimulating the anus of another person using the tongue and mouth.”

The document proceeded to teach students how to perform such an act—but why would anyone even need instructions for such a self-explanatory procedure? The best “educators” could come up with was “Use your tongue or mouth to stimulate the bumhole area.” The only good advice on the sheet was the line “If concerned about cleanliness, you might consider a shower before rimming,” although, given declining standards of teenage IQ, perhaps the fact sheet’s authors should have made it clear this step was to be followed by the person receiving, not giving, the procedure.

Mathematical Impossibilities
These poo-munching periods were part of what within a British context are called “PSHE”—“Personal, Social and Health Education,” i.e., teaching kids how to perform a safe DIY abortion in the school toilets with a compass during lunchtime, how to commit suicide in your bedroom without getting any blood on the carpet, etc. Nowadays, however, the subject has become so queer-captured it actually stands for “Pernicious Socio-Homosexual Engineering,” or possibly even “Pedophile Sex Heaven Everyday.”

At least this crap was once quarantined away safely within a specific lesson kids with any sense could always skip—today, such queer content is firmly embedded within each and every subject area, making students’ escape from leering adult groomers now literally impossible, just like on Epstein Island.

The classic example comes with mathematics. Last week we saw how pedagogical indoctrinators were trying to make math racist. Now we shall see how they are also trying to turn it gay. How can you queer math? Joseph Conrad knew. In the great author’s cautionary 1907 novel The Secret Agent, Conrad has a cynical anarchist sponsor express the then-impossible desire to really discombobulate the general public by “throw[ing] a bomb into pure mathematics.” Well, that bomb is now finally here, and it is called Queer Theory.

The X-Men
Many parents innocently imagine Queer Theory to be just a harmless academic expression of the desire for equal rights for all homos to penetrate one another as they please. No! Queer in this context is a verb, not a noun, and doesn’t necessarily refer to actual homosexualists or lesbianists, who are merely its convenient tools. Far-left academic Queer Theorists want to “queer” society in the same way we speak of “queering” a pitch—i.e., by completely ruining it.

It is more truly an all-encompassing war against the normative performed in the name of dismantling capitalism itself, and as obvious representatives of non-normative sexuality, queers can easily be enlisted as its mincing shock troops. So, in (historically) white Western countries, can nonwhites: Analogically, blacks are “queer” too, whether actually homosexual like Young Obama or not.

Recall how, last week, we observed leftist math teachers claiming 2 + 2 may legitimately not equal 4 to a black student: That equates to “queering” math in the name of race. In this new way of considering the sum, perhaps 2 + 2 may generally equal 4, but not necessarily; to some blacks and Hispanics blessed with “other ways of knowing,” it may occasionally equal 3 or 5 instead.

This is analogously similar to transgenderism, where a penis may generally equal “male” but now, somehow, may occasionally equal “female” instead, somehow. The old way of looking at things could be expressed by the following paired equation:

(2 + 2 = 4) = (Penis = Male)

In tomorrow’s woke school textbooks, however, this would be replaced by the following queer alternative where, as per usual in algebra, x = the unknown or forever indeterminate:

(2 + 2 = x) = (Penis = x)

Most woke number-magicians would probably agree that, under the majority of circumstances, 2 + 2 did indeed equal 4, much as for the majority of the time “penis” did indeed equal “male,” but to insist upon this being the case 100 percent of the time (or indeed 101 percent of the time, let us not be percentile-exclusionary here) was simply to “exclude other possibilities” from potential existence in a restrictive and bigoted fashion.

To disagree that 2 + 2 may equal 5 is in fact a new form of homophobia. Says one tenured U.S. math pedagogue: “The ability to consider sexuality irrelevant in the mathematics context is a heteronormatively privileged position.” Oh, for fuxx sake!

When I was young, one popular schoolboy joke was to type “55378008” into a calculator, then turn it upside down, so the LCD display appeared to spell out the word “BOOBLESS.” At the time, I thought this was just amusing coincidence. Today, I now realize it was clear and undeniable evidence that numbers are transphobic as well as racist, and ought to be canceled wholesale immediately.

Unpopular Mechanix
We now see coming true the warning of the wise English conservative writer GK Chesterton, in his prescient 1926 essay “On Modern Controversy,” that: “We shall soon be in a world in which a man may be howled down for saying that two and two make four…in which people will persecute the heresy of calling a triangle a three-sided figure, and hang a man for maddening a mob with the news that grass is green.”

In his 1905 collection Heretics, GKC further spoke of how, for a certain breed of pseudointellectual poseur, “the most dreadful conclusion” one could come to was “the conclusion that the ordinary view is the right one. It is only the last and wildest kind of courage that can stand on a tower before ten thousand people and tell them that twice two is four.”

What Chesterton once called “Heretics” we now call Queer Theorists—and they are increasingly in charge of our entire education system. Look at this old BBC sketch-show clip from parodic numbers-based TV quiz contest Numberwang! whose rules make absolutely no sense: That’s what these AIDS-brained loonies want your kids’ queer math lessons of tomorrow to become.

The lie is now being pushed that LGBTQ “folx” (the “x” in this tedious newspeak spelling is intended to be analogously algebraic in function) have special “other ways of seeing” the world that make them better at math than normal folks (no “x”)—their method of performing sums now becomes as superiorly “queer” as that of fashionably “neurodiverse” Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man.

According to one queer critic, “A proof of the Riemann Hypothesis [an unsolved mathematical conundrum] is possibly sitting in some transgendered teen’s brain as I write this. What an incredible tragedy if that proof never comes to fruition [due to institutional transphobia].”

Even the Fields Institute, one of the subject’s leading academic centers, now holds an LGBTQ+ Math Day every year, in which queer and nonbinary folx claim spuriously that being bent makes them able to add up properly: “I was pulled into algebraic geometry as a graduate student because I like the double-vision of seeing objects from both algebraic and geometric perspectives, and I’ve long felt that the most exciting mathematics brings this kind of binary-rejecting double-vision to approach problems from new directions.”

Bummer Camp
This is every bit as stupid as feminist academic Luce Irigaray’s notorious old assertion that math, being controlled by the patriarchy, historically privileged solid mechanics over fluid mechanics, as men had solid erections, whilst women had fluid periods.

Yet still, such delusions are set to be taught in our schools. Head to thequeermathematicsteacher.com to find “A Warm Queer Welcome” (sounds potentially infectious) and discover just how Latinx pedagogue Brandie E. Waid (pronouns: she/her/ella) is busily “re/humanizing mathematics” by encouraging all students to develop their own personal “mathematics identity.”

“Without us, it [math] is nothing,” so children need to “mathematize their realities too,” Waid cites other solipsists as yelping. To this end, she runs an online “‘Camp’ of Mathematical Queeries,” offering gay or gay-ally schoolkids “30 Hours of Queer Mathematical Joy & Community Building.” Homosexual children, it transpires, possess special powers of “inqueery” inaccessible to normies:

Our program taps into LGBTQ+ folx natural propensity to explore alternative routes [like anal passages?] and ask questions that others may not. We believe this is exactly the liberatory approach needed to radically transform how we view what counts as mathematics and what it means to be mathematical.

Meaning what? Meaning emotionally retarded ideologues like Waid (who first developed her anti-theories during an “almost two year recovery from a mild traumatic brain injury”) get to arbitrarily redefine what now counts as being a legitimate math lesson.

“Math” now apparently includes discussions about pupils’ favorite songs (those that were “giving them life”), viewing of drag queen TikTok videos, stern public criticism of textbooks involving old-fashioned terms like “boys” and “girls,” and awakening infant minds to how “mathematics classrooms are some of the most violent spaces” for queer kids, due to their bigoted privileging of “normative ideas such as finding the ‘acceptable’ answer by using the ‘acceptable’ solution method.”

The Bore of Babylon
This culminates in a truly weird geometry lesson plan. Introducing kids to the concept of “queering public space,” a video of organic-looking pastel-colored CGI architecture is played, resembling some gay game-show set, an impression reinforced by the piece’s title, “Boudoir Babylon.”

Split by a vertical line down the middle, just like a ruined anus, it is not quite symmetrical, symmetry being unacceptably heteronormative. Actually, it turns out it is built of a hitherto-unknown class of geometrical solids named “queer-oglyphs” that only homosexuals can actually see. Apparently, “To the cishet eye, it would just look like a very unique design, but to queers, it would look very queer.”

So, there you have it; homosexuals now possess actual superpowers, advanced forms of mathematical and spatial cognition inaccessible to straight folks (again, no “x” here, only the ex-men of male-to-female transgenderism get that). To be normal is now actually to be redefined as being abnormal—indeed, as profoundly mentally disabled—that’s Numberwang!

Here’s another good queer mathx qxstion for Amerixa’s kidx of tomorrxw: “If every teacher-training college pumps out 5,600 professional queer ideologues like Brandie E. Waid per year, with there being 57,200 such classroom roles available across America in total, and 3,400 older, but mentally normal, math instructors retire per annum, how many years until obsessive coxxuckers and clxtlickers fill all such jobs nationwide, none of our kids can add up properly anymore, and Chinese scientists and engineers take over the world without anyone in the White House even noticing?”

Answer: Sorry, it’s already happened.