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Last December saw the twentieth anniversary of the 2004 Boxing Day Tsunami that killed 230,000 across Southeast Asia. Seeing the emotive scenes of carnage, devastation, and death upon their television screens, the good people of the West dipped into their own pockets and kindly sent the victims out all kinds of useful donations, like money, warm clothing, food, and vital medicines.

Yet they also sent them out all kinds of completely useless donations, too, like Santa-suit costumes and boxes of Viagra—because there’s no better way to cheer your wife up after her five small children have just drowned in a freak tidal wave than to sneak into her ruined bedroom at midnight on New Year’s Eve to give her a festive stuffing she’ll never forget. If Saigon Santa got lucky, Mrs. Claus might even get pregnant with quintuplets as a quick instant family-replacement measure.

Beyond All Charity
This little fable stands in as an apt microcosm for the issue of international aid gifted from the West to the Rest, which, whilst undoubtedly doing at least some good for its recipients at times, is also often completely wasted on mad and abject nonsense, like saving the lives of Palestinians.

The West has bequeathed Africa alone over 2.6 trillion U.S. dollars in free handouts ever since the 1960s, and yet the place still stubbornly remains being Africa, not France or Great Britain. Why? Probably because so much of it ends up getting squandered, either in terms of waste or corruption, particularly in ill-governed lands like Zimbabwe and Nigeria.

Due to the incredible levels of fraud habitually involved, international aid is sometimes said to be little more than the process by which money is stolen from poor people living in rich countries to be handed out instead to rich people living in poor countries.

One man who would surely agree is Elon Musk, who, in his new Trump-appointed capacity as head of DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency), has just all but closed down America’s own over-bloated international aid agency, USAID, by “feeding [it] into the wood chipper,” as Elon put it.

Diplomatic AIDS
Being South Africa-born himself, Musk clearly knows where the money is wasted in such backwards nations. One notorious 1990s $3.45m aid donation to South Africa from the E.U. was ostensibly used to combat AIDS not by providing free condoms or antiretroviral drugs, as originally intended, but by putting on an “educational” play called Sarafina! II, about “a spunky Soweto schoolgirl” (that’s how she first got infected) turned social worker combating the plague of AIDS amongst the postapartheid nation’s illiterate and condomless poor.

Why might E.U. foreign-aiders choose to spend such a huge chunk of their own Treasuries’ cash on a piece of dire-sounding medical am-dram? Allegedly, they did not: The corrupt South Africans did the choosing for them. The NYT, still willing to blame melanated miscreants for the occasional minor misdeed back in the mid-’90s, suggested the following:

In the ‘Sarafina!’ episode, the Cabinet minister in charge of health has been caught lying to Parliament. The production contract turned out to have gone to a good friend of hers. Proper bidding procedures were ignored.

Subsequent investigations appeared to show that the money didn’t actually come from the E.U. at all, but from South Africa’s own domestic medical budget. And yet, international aid had already become such a byword for mad, pointless waste in the country that, simply by pointing at the colossal waste of cash standing self-evident up there on stage and saying, “Oh, that crap? Stupid white men paid for it all again!” those responsible clearly thought they had stumbled across a foolproof way of covering up their—ahem—“unusual accounting methods.”

The play consumed 20 percent of South Africa’s earmarked AIDS budget, spaffed on fripperies like a luxury touring bus for cast and crew, whilst a heavily promoted staging of the thing in Soweto drew an audience of under 100 people—the rest of the native HIV-ridden target audience had probably already died. All of those who actually did attend probably later died themselves too, as the agitprop apparently contained completely “inaccurate information” about how to avoid contracting the disease.

This should have been no surprise, as postapartheid black South African Prime Ministers Thabo Mbeki and Jacob Zuma thought that, respectively, AIDS was not caused by HIV, or that it could easily be warded off by taking a hot shower following sex with a likely carrier. Mbeki even appointed as his AIDS-skeptical Minister of Health one “Dr. Beetroot,” Manto Tshabalala-Msimang, who had been deported from Botswana for stealing helpless patients’ valuables—right down to their shoes and hats—from their hospital bedsides during her early life as a medical supervisor. Dr. Beetroot told sufferers to just drink beetroot juice, or else swallow lemons, garlic, and potatoes as an infallible AIDS cure-all: far cheaper than the State paying out for any genuine remedies.

According to one analysis, Mbeki’s wrongheaded policies may have cost 300,000 South African lives: Even if they were all just gay black ones, that still counts as 150,000 dead humans, proportionally speaking. Next time some lefty catastrophizer wails that Trump and Musk will be “committing racial genocide” by closing down USAID and all its vital Third World anti-AIDS schemes, point them in Thabo and Dr. Beetroot’s direction and say they’re just doing what the natives would have wanted.

All the Third World’s a Stage
Never mind the darkies, just as bad is the way the Western whiteys themselves have been urinating YOUR tax dollars up a wall on worthless rubbish.

Due to its overriding obsession with fostering queer rights upon countries that really, really don’t want them, the queer cast of the recently departed Biden administration also enjoyed splurging U.S. tax dollars abroad on promoting a widespread global appreciation of musical theater and the smell of greasepaint (an excellent lubricant, so I believe). At least the South Africans were only stealing public money to enrich themselves; the Bidenistas were thieving your cash to corrupt the minds and genitals of foreign youth, which seems even worse.

In 2022, Washington donated $20,600 to an NGO in Ecuador to fund stage drag-queen shows, whose pictured performances appear to show the late Hugo Chávez possessed by Dame Edna Everage. Why bother?

Because, upon the dubious pretext that spreading diversity improves a nation’s economy, just like DEI programs clearly have(n’t) done all across the U.S. and Europe, the Biden regime deemed it one of their No. 1 foreign policy goals to make black men go gay like Obama is. Following Musk’s insertion of USAID headfirst into the wood chipper, Republican House Foreign Affairs Committee Chairman Brian Mast fostered fury by publicly unmasking some of the other hitherto-hidden glittery theatrical extravaganzas previously subsidized by Democrats on the taxpayer dime.

There was a $70,000 grant to stage a “DEI musical” in Ireland, for example; it would be hilarious if Musk redirected a similar sum toward staging the disgracefully canceled Irish Father Ted comedy-musical instead, which was abandoned after its creator was spuriously accused of “transphobia” just for knowing what a vagina is. There was also $47,000 splashed on a “transgender opera” in Colombia. The Italians of old knew how to stage one of those for the mere price of a pair of rusty shears, back in the days of the castrati.

Anals in America
In North Macedonia, in order to encourage “tolerance” across the Balkans, Perverted Uncle Sam likewise paid $20,000 for the staging of Tony Kushner’s 1991 play Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes. The script centers upon a gay man, tended by a former drag-queen nurse, dying of AIDS in his hospital bed, possibly whilst Manto Tshabalala-Msimang steals his shoes, and “having sexually explicit visions of Heaven” including hermaphroditic angels with “eight vaginas” and “a bouquet of phalli,” whose celestial cum “fuels the Engine of Creation”; Musk should take close note, if it doesn’t all work out with his Teslas and their limited driving ranges someday.

In the impoverished, AIDS-riddled African nation of Chad, meanwhile, the starving masses are being advised to simply get down on their knees and swallow one another’s “Engine Fuel of Creation” for free calories if they really feel all that hungry due to endemic economic failure. Rather than sticking to just doling them out bread and doughnuts like Oxfam would, $120,000 was spent by Biden on staging yet more works of deviant drama over there in order to encourage LGBTQ rights and Gay Pride in the nation too. How terribly moral, worthy, and humanitarian! Except…

In Chad, homosexuality is a criminal offense. So, if Chadian theatergoers do take the exported gayness-encouraging plays and their messages seriously, as Biden desired, they will presumably end up being potentially arrested. Then, being imprisoned alongside hundreds of other USAID-duped, newly minted homosexuals in an ill-monitored Chadian jail, said individuals will inevitably end up becoming dosed up with HIV-AIDS by their fellow already-infected prisoners whilst bending over to pick up the soap (to eat it) in the showers.

Money well spent—if USAID’s secret purpose is in fact to kill off all the black Africans’ lives rather than to save them. Fiscally speaking, that would actually be a much more efficient and affordable method of influencing Africa’s future social direction, considered over a wider timescale. In the long run, we’re all dead, as that great white economist Keynes once said.

Golden Eggs
But if USAID does indeed disappear bloodily into Musk’s wood chipper, what will take its place? As the world’s richest nation, surely America has to give something to lift the global poor out of their poverty? Unsuccessful former U.S. presidential candidate (and self-proclaimed time traveler and Martian plesiosaur-hunter) Andrew D, Basiago had one innovative suggestion when running for office back in 2016: replace aid cash with aid eggs.

A nation’s average per capita consumption of eggs, Basiago observed, had for some reason been shown to correlate with an increase in its citizens’ average reading age. A nation’s average reading age, meanwhile, correlated with an increase in its citizens’ per capita salaries. The solution to world poverty was therefore simple: cancel all the free bankers’ checks, and get USAID to start force-feeding Africans millions of free eggs down their malnourished throats instead, whether they liked it or not.

Teaching African grandmothers how to suck eggs like Birdo in reverse might sound like a strange and impractical solution to the eternal problem of world poverty. But it sounds more likely to make Africa rich than the real last U.S. president’s own bright idea of taxing hard-pressed U.S. factory workers and toilet cleaners before using their stolen tax dollars to put on a load of unwatchable camp theatricals about the correct best-practice ways to go about bumming black men in Soweto.

Please, Elon, don’t close down USAID completely: Just put Mr. Basiago in charge of it. He’ll be the first sane director the organization has ever had.