June 16, 2015
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Like everyone who wants to “change the world,” Kids These Days really want to control it. They”re moral anorexics who”ve put the body politic on a strict starvation diet of fetishized, Maoist catchphrases and robotic right-think.
Even their heroes aren”t quite safe: Vulture and elsewhere obediently autopsy every new C.K. or Schumer offering, weighing each joke to see if it conforms to this week’s regulation levels of progressive social-justice propriety.
(God, I”m so looking forward to the Bill Cosby-fication of Louis C.K. sometime around, oh, 2021. That”ll show the little brats…)
Speaking of tinkering: If George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg can retroactively nice-ify these college kids” childhoods”so that Han doesn”t shoot first, and the bad guys carry walkie-talkies instead of guns”why, millennials must be wondering, can”t this Seinfeld guy go back and rejig “The Chinese Woman” to suit their delicate sensibilities?
Better yet, that rich old man should pull the series out of lucrative syndication altogether. Dude already owns enough damned carbon-belching cars, right?
Thing is, I wouldn”t be heartbroken if Seinfeld never aired a single rerun again, either. I”ve long been convinced that the mean-spirited “show about nothing””of a piece with co-creator Larry David’s later Curb Your Enthusiasm“has been a greater wellspring of contemporary anti-Semitism than every Resistance Records release stacked on top of one another.
But when I say this in all seriousness to my Jewish friends, they just laugh at me and roll their eyes. They think I”m pretty funny for a shiksa.
Meanwhile, back at Margate, ride restorer Littleboys is “especially proud of the Zodiak Jets, spinning rockets that are operated by passengers pulling a lever to zoom up into the air, and which he says “you will very much have to hold on to.””
Uh-huh. I give that a week.
