June 04, 2013
Source: Shutterstock
It would be like famously uptight Kleenex®”they”ve been insisting upon that “R” in finger-wagging Writer’s Market ads forever”suddenly getting snotty about the fact that their product is primarily employed for nose-blowing.
Yet that’s pretty much what happened. Hitachi, like the neighborhood “moped“ longs to be known for something other than sex. Hitachi does, after all, manufacture other electronics. Roseanne Barr once quipped, “Hitachi makes such a good vibrator, I think I”ll buy one of their TVs!””but I can only assume most consumers didn”t make that leap.
So according to one report, the Japanese were all set to take their toy and go home, vowing to stop making it once and for all. Their US distributor talked them down off the ledge, convincing them to simply wipe the Hitachi name off the Magic Wand (and get some new packaging, finally).
Fans have been repeatedly assured that the Hitachi will be almost identical in everything but (slightly abbreviated) name and a few minor technical tweaks.
Fans do not believe this.
Like Jack Nicholson’s pathetic old roué in Carnal Knowledge who can only perform if a prostitute performs a precisely scripted routine word for word, these folks are now so Hitachi-dependent that they fear even a tiny adjustment of its circuitry may shipwreck their sex lives.
Reports of hoarding are coming in.
The Hitachi crisis couldn”t have come (as it were) at a worse possible moment. Actor Michael Douglas recently declared that the throat cancer that nearly cost him is life had been caused, not by a lifetime of drinking and smoking, but by performing cunnilingus.
Some doctors have questioned Douglas’s claim, and not just because it first appeared in the Guardian.
However, expect that highly original alibi to become the male equivalent of “I”ve got a headache” in bedrooms around the globe.
Ladies, start your engines”while you can.
