Dudley House, London

The Queen’s friend collects things, the more expensive the better. He saved Dudley House by turning it into one of the most beautiful edifices ever seen outside the strip in Las Vegas; casino owners have been spotted drooling outside it. Better yet, Jacob Rothschild and David Cholmondeley are advising him on how to buy expensive trinkets and swoop up whole collections in one go. This is what a democracy should be like. People like Lords Rothschild and Cholmondeley should advise young, self-made Qataris on how to spend money they earned honestly and through hard work.

Who gives a flying you-know-what if Nepalese workers die by the hundreds building football stadiums back in Qatar? They’re cannon fodder any way one looks at it. If they’re not dying climbing up Everest carrying rich people’s luggage, they die in Qatar by being denied food and drink under a fifty-five centigrade heat. Some die in the cold, others in the heat. The important thing is they die making us rich people more comfortable.

And I won’t hear a word against the Qatari ruling family. It financed ISIS because of its long-term vision, one that foresaw that busybodies the Gulf over might one day soon question its right to use the oil and gas sprouting from its Riviera-like shores as a private kitty. The house of Thani gave alms to ISIS and ISIS protects them in return. It’s an almost Christian thing to do.

So, things are looking up. In fact everything’s coming up roses. Yippee!