OK sports fans. This is it. Everyone one of you can now be president.  All you have to do is kick a bearded Palestinian towelhead out of Lincoln Center and you’re in. Rudy Giuliani brags that he’s a more decisive leader than anyone else running for the top job because he kicked Yassir Arafat out of a United Nations- sponsored concert. “I didn’t hesitate,” says the warrior,  “I made decisions.”

This is great stuff. Although there are persistent allegations that Giuliani is a habitual user of body waxing—as was Arafat—“America’s mayor” is proud to have done a Bollinger and thrown Arafat out, despite the fact that the towelhead was the leader of the Palestinian people, who in Noo Yawk may or may not count as human beings. Bravo Rudi, you’re a hero. if you had bothered not to dodge the draft during Vietnam, we would have won hands down against those little yellow people wearing black pajamas.  Your chief advisor, Norman—father of “John 4 Pizzas”—Podhoretz must be very proud of you. But as the great Tallulah Bankhead said once of someone as sly and opportunistic as you, “You have the moral grandeur of a parking ticket.”