March 16, 2011
Dear Delphi,
My husband is a pack rat. He will not even throw away old ripped towels, even though we have bought new ones about 10 times; he dreams of recycling them as rags. We have an attic full of old sheets, towels, and useless stuff. Sometimes he even goes up in the attic and pulls things out”things I hid and thought he had forgotten about”and puts them back in circulation in our house. It drives me mad! But now we are moving and it is a golden opportunity, but I need a strategy. What can I say to finally convince him to get rid of the junk? Simply asking him or telling him never works. I need something more elaborate. Do you have any ideas?
“Pack Rat Infested in Richmond
Dear Pack Rat Infested in Richmond,
These rags, filthy and tattered as they may be, are his security blankets. One can only assume that trying to talk him into parting with these obviously important emotional symbols would be harder than sweet-talking a two-year-old into abandoning their pacifier or blanky!
Don”t say anything! You are right”it is a golden opportunity and you cannot afford to waste it, and it involves absolutely no tricky conversation. Make sure you are the one to pack up the attic and the one that directs the moving men. If you are doing a self-move, then insist you do it. Pretend he works so hard and takes such good care of the family that as a token of your appreciation, you will do the move, and as with all moves, things gets stolen and misplaced”whoopsie daisy! It is a win-win situation”good wife and no more junk. When you get to the new house and finally get around to unpacking the attic a week later or a month later”little does it matter”suddenly you”re all, “Oh no (shock, horror, upset), the attic boxes have been pinched, those damn movers!” Even better, try, “Oh no, somebody must have taken boxes when I was packing up the car; damn neighbors, thank God we moved!”
Feign distress, but not too much or he may catch on. Never tell him his beloved collection of would-be rags went in the garbage until you think he has matured to the point of finding it amusing, which may be never.
