Gstaad. When I spoke with the mayor of Gstaad, as well as some other local stalwarts, they all assured me that they are ready for any invasion by the Libyans, and are confident they will kick the towels back into the Mediterranean where they came from. For any of you who might have missed it due to Gordon Brown’s bullying shenanigans, or John Terry’s, or even that David Cameron is close to blowing it, here is the latest: Col. Muammar Gaddafi, the great leader of Libya, has called for a jihad war against Switzerland over the Swiss minaret ban. This may have caused tremors among the hookers in Geneva and jewelry salesmen in St. Moritz,  but to the average Swiss burger it is like “San Marino or Monte Carlo declaring war on us.”

Mind you, the Swiss are not being over confident. In my not so humble opinion, both San Marino and Monte Carlo would beat odds in a war against Libya, a country whose two great victories of recent years have been in murdering a British unarmed police constable, a woman, and in blowing up an airliner, also unarmed, packed with unarmed men, women, and children. San Marino and Monte Carlo cops carry weapons, something the glorious Libyan armed forces are not used to come up against. But let’s be fair. There have been other Libyan victories, such as the one over the Filipino couple Hannibal Gaddafi imprisoned and beat up in Geneva a couple of years ago, and the other incident at Claridge’s only recently.

“Those who destroy God’s mosques deserve to be attacked, and if Switzerland was on our borders, we would fight it,” the brave Gaddafi was quoted by the Jamahiriya News Agency as saying last Thursday. Which means the Swiss can relax and concentrate instead on their cuckoo clocks, their banking and the fact that they are not part of the EU and not responsible for the Greek crooks who are demanding to be bailed out.

The EU, of course, has shown its mettle. No sooner had the Swiss invoked the Schengen Agreement against the Libyans, they were forced to climb down by the bureau crooks in Brussels. The charlatan in Tripoli has 140 billion greenbacks in his kitty, which makes him a very big man among the dwarfs who run our lives nowadays. Gaddafi’s problem is the hair dye he uses. It has seeped into his brain cells, hence the Prisoner of Zenda uniforms and the strutting about the world stage. The real problem, of course, is little old us. Our politicians claim that power belongs to the people, but it’s the biggest crock ever. The only ones who count are those with moolah, like the clown of Tripoli, or those other buffoons of the Gulf. Martin Samuel wrote a very good piece about a rice deal gone wrong and the reaction of the head camel driver’s brother. Issa bin Zayed, a member of the United Arab Emirates ruling family, got peeved at Mohammed Shapoor, an Afghani trader, and had him lashed with a plank of nails, raped with an electric baton and run over by an SUV. And reminiscent of a certain ex-president of Liberia, who was video-taped by the henchmen of his successor while his ears were being cut off—and I hate to think what else—Issa baby video taped the unfortunate rice trader during the torture. The Abu Dhabi torture tape barely caused a ripple in Britain, or in Europe for that matter. Medieval torture is okay if the torturers own a major Premiere League football club. The thinking is, so what’s an electric prod or two up one’s bum when the prodder can buy us a place in the top four.

Closer to home, in London’s Landmark Hotel, a Saudi multi-millionaire member of yet another ruling family is alleged to have strangled and bludgeoned his man servant to death weeks after he had beaten the poor man to a pulp, a beating that went unreported. The camel driver has a leading criminal defense barrister representing him. Looking into my crystal ball I predict the Saudi will go free, just as the Abu Dhabi bum did. The Saudis have oil and moolah, as do the Libyans and the Abu Dhabians. The Blairs, Browns, and Camerons of this world will kiss their arse and to hell with a few tortured or dead bodies. They’ve even got the Saudi on CCTV beating up his aide, but take it from Taki. The guy will walk.

Then there’s the British captive, David Proctor, held since twelve months by a Qatari shit, sorry, sheikh, a member of the Al-Thani family. Caught in a power struggle between camel drivers, the Cambridge educated financier is held hostage by those nice guys our civil servants and even the royal family spread their cheeks wide for. It’s really priceless and wonderful stuff.  How Europe shamelessly genuflects to the desert swine. The first to assail Switzerland for evoking the Schengen agreement was Italian Foreign Minister Franco Frattini, he of the tiny organ and oily hair. “By their action they have taken the rest of us hostage,”  said the dago. And I suppose he was right to side with Libya. After all, it was the only country the glorious Italian army managed to subdue in the last century, and as the great Greek militarist leader Taki said, “Disrespect your vanquished enemy and you disrespect yourself.” It makes one proud as hell to be a European.