Dear Delphi,

I decided to have my 4th child at age 40, which I will never regret. We are not wealthy but we do just fine. We can afford our children. However, it seems like all my summer friends now look at me like I am a three-headed monster and my friendships have definitely changed. They all have more money than we do, and I think they think I have put this child in danger of growing up in squalor. Who knows”€”maybe they thought that after my third child as well. I don”€™t want to lose my friends and would like my children to be friends with their children, but it seems that may not be possible. It makes me sad, and I don”€™t know what to do.

“€”Sad in Southampton

Dear Sad in Southampton,

Unfortunately the facts are that people tend to be friends with other people in the same socioeconomic group because they can do the same activities”€”go out to dinner, go on a trip to Asia, or share an airplane and so forth. If you can”€™t afford their range of activities and they are money people, it is going to be hard for you to be friends for much longer.

If they don”€™t want to be your friend or let your children socialize with theirs, who cares? They can really only organize their children’s social lives for, say, the first five years of life, and then the children will decide for themselves. But if they are teaching their children only to be nice to people who have as much or more money than they do and to throw old friends to the wayside because they have less cash, do you really want your children in that crowd? Do you want your children watching as you try to be nice to people who are dismissive at best?

Hopefully it is not about money and they are only being selfish and don”€™t want to be around babies in diapers anymore. Maybe they will pick you back up as a friend when they don”€™t have to worry about you going home early to nurse, not being able to go out at the last minute because you need a baby-sitter, or not being able to go out at all because you are exhausted or don”€™t want to spend the money on a nanny. But for now, to hell with them all!