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It’s not that most people are stupid (though way too many are). It’s that they become stupid when out of their element. I know girls from high school, dumb as bricks back then, not exactly rocket scientists today. But in the forty years since, they’ve raised great families; they’re brilliant at momming.

I know rugged blue-collar dudes who can weld anything. They’ll weld a dog to a hydrant; they’ll weld a tin can to a Chinaman’s dick. When it comes to welding, they’re Einstein. But when it comes to abstract thought, not so much.

Know what you’re good at, and stick to it. That’s why I find amateur sleuthing so offensive, why I rail against it so much. And before you say, “Dave, this is an obsession for you; why don’t you rail against taxes or tariffs?” Well, other people do that. Rightist soopersleuths, that’s my niche, the Jones/Unz/Rogan/Musk/Carlson/Owens/JURMCO cultists who are told by their grand leaders that they can sleuth out any mystery, suss out any conspiracy, while possessing no actual knowledge of forensic science, or science of any kind.

To rightist sleuths, being a detective means “Well, it makes sense in my head, so it must be true.”

And now JURMCOs have declared themselves thee experts on fire. Mind you, they have no actual expertise in the fields of arson investigation, forestry, fire science, firefighting, etc. They don’t need it. These dumbasses have noticed that in the aftermath of the L.A. wildfires, there are trees standing unburned next to the charred remains of houses. The photos are similar to those of California’s 2018 Camp Fire, which killed 85. Foundations of wiped-away homes sitting right next to unmolested trees.

How can this be, JURMCO asks?

“Directed Energy Weapons,” of course! The fires were started by space lasers that targeted only houses while leaving trees alone. Nothing else can explain it. Viral posts among JURMCO cultists make it clear: Those unburned trees mean lasers.

The DEEP STATE, or OBAMMER, or the Zionists, are using space lasers to destroy houses so that they can be TAKEN OVER by BlackRock or Biden or Baron Rothschild, I guess, because his grand plan of world conquest hinges on owning a desolate rural trailer town in Butte County (where the Camp Fire occurred).

And now, as I’ve done so many times, I’ll pants JURMCO and expose its shortcomings to the sane rightists who I fervently hope will one day jettison “citizen sleuths” instead of lionizing them.

If you look at old photos of massive wildfires, photos from back when even JURMCO will agree we didn’t have space lasers, you’ll see the same phenomenon: healthy trees in between burned-down structures.

The Bel Air fire, for example. 1961. We weren’t even on the moon yet (oh, wait—JURMCO sez we never went). Photo after photo of unburned trees next to burned-down homes.

Now, wanna learn something?

Cool.

There are three reasons for the “unburned trees” phenomenon.

First, trees are on average 50 percent water (depending on the tree, as much as 66 percent). Healthy green leaves are 90 to 95 percent water.

Second, bark on a healthy tree is not immediately flammable; it’s fairly flame-resistant.

Put those two things together, the high water content and the resilience of bark, and you have something that generally can’t be ignited by a simple ember. And wildfires are spread by wind-blown embers. Dead growth is a tinderbox. But blow a hot ember at a healthy tree and that tree will not immolate like flash paper.

Third, many times a fire will not reach a tree’s canopy. Fires pushed by wind-blown embers tend to move laterally, not vertically. If you look closely at the postfire photos, you’ll see that the bases of the trees are indeed blackened. The fire touched the base but didn’t rise higher.

The post-9/11 “jet fuel can’t melt steel beams” nonsense caught on because many of you don’t actually understand fire. Jet fuel is an accelerant; an accelerant plus a spark lights other things on fire. The heat comes from what the fuel’s burning, not the fuel per se. Take an empty metal BBQ grill and pour in some lighter fluid. Toss a match. You’ll get an immediate flare-up, but it’ll die down quick, because the fire has nothing to feed it.

Now do the same, but with briquettes in the BBQ. Now you’ve got a hot, long-lasting fire, because your accelerant has something to burn, much like how the jet fuel on 9/11 had entire office floors of highly flammable material to consume.

Rightist ignorance about fire goes back to the dawn of Holocaust denial. That’s why it rankles me so; I’ve been dealing with this shit for 35 years. Rightists were ignorant of fire before Candace Owens was even born, back when Tucker Carlson wore a bow tie and Joe Rogan was playing a dumb guy on NewsRadio instead of being a dumb guy in real life.

You can beat Holocaust deniers on every meme they throw at you.

“The ‘Red Cross Report’ of camp deaths shows only 271,000!”

As I’ve written time and again, those figures don’t include anything on the Eastern Front where the exterminations took place.

“The World Almanac doesn’t show a decreased Jewish population figure for 1946!”

The Almanac didn’t accumulate updated figures for WWII losses until 1948. Even today, with computers and wireless, it takes more than two years to tabulate the U.S. Census. That it took three years to fully count the WWII dead in the 1940s isn’t weird or suspicious, especially as the world was rather preoccupied with international devastation and the beginning of the Cold War. The Almanac was not priority No. 1.

“Wooden doors!”

I’m the mutherfucker who gave you the “wooden doors” in 1992, and even though I despise that video I did as a kid, I did make clear that the point of the “wooden doorth” was that it proved that Krema 1 at the Auschwitz Main Camp was a reconstruction; I quite clearly showed the markings where there had been a dividing wall that was knocked down postwar by the Poles/Soviets. That wall would’ve been the gas chamber wall, not the wall with the WOODEN DOORTH!”

“There are no Nazi documents talkin’ about the Holocaust!”

Completely untrue; I dealt with that in this Substack.

In the end, you can corner deniers to the extent that they have no choice but to drop all of their memes and flee to the “physical impossibility” argument. “Okay, okay, there are wartime documents—Himmler, Goebbels, Stroop, Korherr, Kube, Strauch, Lohse, Bräutigam, Buehler all talk about Jewish exterminations. But documents are irrelevant if something’s physically impossible, and you can’t burn that many bodies! It can’t be done. So your precious documents crumble before the laws of physics!”

Deniers say human bodies don’t burn. Maybe in a high-powered crematorium, but it takes hours. This is Nick Fuentes’ “cookie monster” argument. If every cookie takes more than an hour to “bake,” you can’t bake 6 million in four years.

In the end, this is where all deniers run.

Nobody claims 6 million Jews were burned, of course; that’s a denier straw man. Let’s take a look at Treblinka, one of the Reinhard extermination camps. At Treblinka, more than 713,000 Jews were killed and burned in open-air mass-incineration pits over the course of roughly eighteen months.

Deniers say that’s impossible. 713,000 human bodies burned in eighteen months? Can’t be done. COOKIE MONSTER! It would take too long! Plus, there’d be a mountain of ash reaching the moon!

Now, you can point out that every year in India, approximately 8 million bodies are burned, one by one, on pyres. But deniers will say, “India’s a huge country; the Holocaust only involved a small number of burn sites.”

Fair enough. So let’s examine the U.K.’s 2001 foot-and-mouth outbreak, which resulted in the preemptive slaughter of nearly the entire U.K. cow, pig, and sheep population.

I doubt those of you who love to opine like experts on fire have ever studied that event; after all, facts are irrelevant to what makes sense in your head.

We look to the June 2002 final report on the outbreak and the disposal of carcasses, courtesy of the U.K. National Audit Office (NAO) by order of the House of Commons.

Here’s what we find.

6.5 million cows, pigs, and sheep were slaughtered. But that figure, the report makes clear, is incomplete. See, Her Majesty’s bleedin’ Government was forced to compensate farmers for their seized and slaughtered livestock. So to penny-pinch, it was decided to only compensate for mature cows, pigs, and sheep; slaughtered calves, piglets, and lambs were not counted by the NAO.

That 6.5 mil figure represents only full-grown animals. According to the U.K. Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, if you factor in calves, piglets, and lambs you get 10 million carcasses. But let’s stick with the NAO’s 6.5 million adult animal figure.

According to the report, of the sheep that were slaughtered, the average weight was 100kg (220 pounds) and the average cow weight was 500kg (1,102 pounds). The NAO doesn’t provide a weight for the pigs, but the average farrow-to-finish adult pig is 270 pounds. So for sheep we’re talking heavier than the average human, for pigs much heavier, and for cows, many, many times heavier.

The British government initially began disposing of the carcasses via pyres at a small number of burn sites in mid-March 2001. This was the preferred manner of disposal for the government, but due to complaints from environmentalists regarding the smoke, the government was forced to shift to mass burials, and on May 7, the burning ceased.

So the outdoor incinerations took place from March 14 to May 7.

55 days.

And how many carcasses were incinerated during that time frame? The NAO states that 29 percent of the 6.5 million carcasses were burned during that period.

That’s 1,884,999 cows (41 percent of the slaughter), pigs (39 percent), and sheep (27 percent) incinerated at official burn sites in 55 days. And that’s not counting the calves, lambs, and piglets.

And there was no “mountain of ash reaching the moon.” And no land forever scarred. Twenty-four years later, the burn sites look perfectly healthy and normal.

Deniers tell us that it’s a physical impossibility for 713,000 human bodies to be incinerated in open pits over eighteen months. But we know for a fact that 1.88 million much heavier beasts were incinerated in open pits in a mere 55 days, using no high-tech 21st-century equipment, just accelerant, as the Nazis used.

According to J&D Manufacturing, makers of single-carcass cow cremation units for farms, it takes approximately fourteen hours to cremate one cow carcass individually. So if you use Nick Fuentes’ “cookie monster” one-per-oven methodology, 1.88 mil in 55 days is impossible. But it’s entirely possible with mass outdoor incineration, as was used at the Reinhard camps, and as Auschwitz eventually had to employ (there are photos).

You lose, deniers. You lose, all you amateur sleuths.

I know Andrew Breitbart told you that inside every rightist is a “citizen journalist” waiting to pop out.

He lied.

The “thoughts in your head” are worth two things: jack and shit.

Stop playing with fire.

Or at least learn about fire first.