And there were more lessons from more stories. The Boy Who Cried Wolf has a timeless, universal message about the unintended consequences of lying. That is valuable to men and women. Did the author need to have a subplot about unionized female ninjas who are powerful in their own right?

Cinderella, the broad who started this whole mess, taught us that hard work, turning the other cheek, and faith are virtues worth celebrating.

Harking back to the aging wicked witch that is Samantha, feminists have given us a world with the HEROINE AS PROACTIVE WHORE. Instead of waiting patiently for Prince Charming, this feminist Frankenstein climbs out the window while her parents sleep. She fornicates with unworthy, sunken-chested poseurs who lube her up with designer drugs and cheap beer. She inevitably ends up pregnant and the “father” splits town.

The baby is born addicted to drugs. The welfare money buys steak the first five days of the month, then ice cream and Cheetos. The kid commits petty crimes and ultimately gets into college on a scholarship because the dad he never met is one-eighth illegal alien.

He drops out after a semester, but at least he was able to buy a new car with the money the state gave him for school. The local party girl thinks he’s going places—he has a car! She spreads her legs and the cycle repeats itself.

And all because the girl never read fairytales.

The Little Mermaid taught us we need to sacrifice for the one we love. The problem here isn’t the fairytale’s message. No, the trick is in teaching our daughters how to recognize good men from bad ones.

Thankfully we have Little Red Riding Hood, who shows us that sometimes the sweetest tongue is also the sharpest.

By the way—that schlub you’re about to divorce could be the real Prince Charming. Just so happens he’s prematurely bald, allergic to horses, and castles are out of his price range.