July 11, 2014
Source: Shutterstock
6. HAIR
While scratching my head just now I thought, what about my hair? Is that racist? While these follicles may rest mere millimeters from something arguably sexist, homophobic, and everythingist (I can”t vouch for what goes on in there) my hair has never been accused of being politically incorrect.
However, that doesn”t absolve hair. When the American army came out with guidelines for African American women’s hair, they were accused of creating standards that are “racially biased.”
Canada is often considered America’s hat and officials there recently came under fire for enforcing bicycle helmet laws. The rules are sexist because they give women a bad hair day. I don”t like helmet laws, but having a bad hairdo is being oppressed now? We didn”t learn that in school.
7. EDUCATION
Education was burnt to a crisp a long time ago. When I was in college we were told it was OK to have an abortion up to a year after the baby was born. It’s a given that liberal arts has become about unlearning, and young people go deep into debt being taught the opposite of the truth.
What’s more consequential is their attack on STEM. When Harvard president Larry Summers refused to be outraged at women for not being interested in math and science, he lost his job. Anthropology is now almost exclusively about agenda, and it’s only a matter of time before we”re told one plus one does not equal two. The way they can keep upping the price while continually diluting the quality with bullshit is an art that should make most coke dealers jealous.
8. MUSIC
As I write this I”m listening to a Canadian band called Metz on Spotify. I have to use my wife’s Facebook login to listen to them because I got kicked off for not liking Neil deGrasse Tyson (that’s racist). As far as I can tell, Metz have never violated any PC laws. Like education, however, music overall has been on the offensive list since Elvis first shook his pelvis.
Music videos have been especially guilty recently, and even when Avril Lavigne lets her Japanese record label make a Japanese video using Japanese directors, we learn it enforces Japanese stereotypes. Katy Perry covered her dancers in bandages so nobody can see their faces and she gave them wigs. She’s still racist because they have big butts. Aren”t we at the point where you”re the racist for seeing this in the first place? Pop culture has become a Rorschach test where it’s now the guilty who are screaming the loudest about who’s guilty.
9. TOYS
When I go home to get away from all this, I see my children playing with toys. I think we”re good. When I was young, Barbie gave girls unreasonable body expectations and He-Man was too macho or something. Today my daughter has an American Girl doll and my son is playing with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They are both benign but that doesn”t mean the kids couldn”t slip up at any moment. Bite a Pop-Tart into a gun or even point your fingers at a classmate and it’s all over. Seriously, my children are not allowed to make gun gestures at each other in school. That cuts out at least 73% of games, especially for boys. Cops and robbers has been replaced with DAs and lawyers, while cowboys and Indians is now settlers and settlers” friends.
10. CLOTHES
I would want my children to be sent home if they were wearing KKK gear. I”d also be apoplectic because it would mean someone else was sneaking into their school and dressing them. I”m wearing a dress shirt and khakis right now and my kids are dressed in normal kid clothes but that doesn”t mean clothes can”t violate PC rules. I can”t think of exactly how socks or a scarf could hurt someone’s feelings but I”m willing to accept it’s possible.
Outside of our Brooklyn apartment, kids are being told all kinds of T-shirts are out of bounds. An American flag shirt can get you sent home because clothes that were irrelevant even 10 years ago are now as incendiary as a white hood. Here in New York, wearing a T-shirt that depicts the Redskins, an American flag, anything remotely Republican, a cross, the phrase “pro-life,” a gun, or anything country music related is tantamount to brandishing a swastika. You either get Barack on your chest or keep it plain. This seems to be the ethos of the modern left: Support our cause or shut up.
In 1995, Moby put out an album entitled Everything is Wrong. I remember him saying the impetus for the title was that every time he looks into something, he finds immorality, and I remember thinking, what a remarkably eccentric way to see the world that is. Now it’s almost half the population. Will everyone become Moby? After going through pretty much everything around my desk, I was still having trouble finding anything that was safe from persecution. Furniture is rarely attacked, although there was a chair that was causing some problems for a while. If you try it yourself, you”re going to have to stay away from the big picture and get very small before you find things that are inoffensive. Car keys, wallets, and aglets are about the only things I could find that aren”t an issue.
Before you give up and move to Papua New Guinea, however, I want you to know that this is all good news. As I”ve said before, it’s proof that PC is over. When everything is racist, sexist, and homophobic, nothing is. If you think every single person in the world is an asshole and everybody’s nuts, you”re probably an insane asshole. They”ve spread themselves thinner than a cheap dental dam on an obese black lesbian. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But it’s pretty thin.
