Courtney Love and Frances Bean Cobain

Tear-jerking news for fans of Uggie the Dog from The Artist movie. Uggie will be retiring after cohosting the Oscars. He has some unknown illness that causes him to shake. Maybe it’s Pet Parkinson’s or just a good old-fashioned Hollywood nervous breakdown. Fifteen minutes of fame or several moments with Harvey Weinstein will do that to anyone—even a dog.

Anger issues may be rubbing off on Harvey’s brother-in-law Edward Chapman, who seems to have had a hilarious domestic tiff. Charges have been dropped, but allegedly during a dispute, Chapman choked his girlfriend Brooke Geahan. Chapman’s pretty sister, Marchesa designer Georgina Chapman, is married to Weinstein, a union whose existence we cannot fathom, neither in this world nor any other possible universe. The buzz on Sunset Boulevard is that she’s not into sex but likes to hang out with her girlfriends, drink champagne, and sniff a little disco dust. That’s probably a good thing since Weinstein reportedly likes hookers as much as he enjoys food and throwing things at people. Nice.

Noel Gallagher, brother to Liam Gallagher and part of the despicable duo behind the 90s band Oasis, has said the band will not be reforming. Liam is unhappy at the announcement because he misses Oasis. I couldn’t be more delighted. They were the most annoying band of the 90s. Their arrogance was boundless and despite their claims, they never were—and never will be—as big as The Beatles. If only now the bickering brothers would stop speaking to each other through the press and disappear for good. Banish them to a deserted island oasis a thousand miles from the rest of us. Let them work out their differences there.

According to the Queen Bee of London society—who told someone who told someone who told me—the grandson of History’s Biggest Psycho likes the double trouble. He and his wife are rumored to enjoy partouzes—and why not? An extra mouth is always useful. The wife, who has a tabloid-darling dad, left town on business recently. Apparently the husband and the extra mouth, a nice society girl, were getting together on their own. Behind the wife’s back. Yeah, I was sort of unfazed by the story too, but at least someone has an exciting sex life.