February 29, 2012
Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog
In other pitiful Oscar news, Charlene of Monaco was seen in the crowd with her sad tortured face and her fat pasty husband. Were they there to support the French or was Albert trying to wipe the frown off her mug? Who cares? She needs help.
Has-been actress Sean Young managed to get herself arrested outside the Governors Ball for slapping a security guard in the face. This isn”t the first time the actress has been in trouble with security. Surprise surprise, she has been booted from parties several times before. Her most spectacular moment was back when she was stalking actor James Woods. Talk about bunny-boiler. What a nutbag.
In other meaningless news, remember Mary Jo Buttafuoco? Who doesn”t? Who could forget such a pretty half-a-face? The poor gal got shot in the puss by a shrieking teenager that her third-rate husband Joey was bangin”. But after the agony, divorce, and multiple surgeries, happiness has found our Mary Jo. La Buttafuoco, née Connery, got married last weekend to one Stu Tendle, a businessman from Bellmore, New York. The swank nuptials took place in Vegas at the Always & Forever chapel. Let us hope this one doesn”t end with a gunshot wound to the head and jail time. Although the pictures are a little cheesy, Tendle looks like a decent fella and somehow we trust Mary Jo has already been through the worst of it all.
In crimes of passion among the better-looking, Rihanna and Chris Brown are in the rags again. The dishy (and perhaps unstable, or at least unwise) singer has released two new songs with the toothy rapper who beat her up three years ago. Brown may be “talented,” but as far as I can tell he’s just young, dumb, and full of felonies. On February 19th, Brown was busted and accused of stealing a woman’s cell phone outside a Miami nightclub. Apparently he snatched the phone because it had photos of him cavorting with groupies. Brown’s buddy, a rapper named Tyga, says Brown was concerned if the debauched snapshots surfaced online, it might prevent him from rekindling his romance with the once-battered Barbadian sexpot. Nice going, Chris. Sure she won”t find out now.
A little bird flew in my window and reported that a loathsome English comedian”the ex-Mr. Katy Perry and possibly a current junkie/alcoholic/sex addict”is supposedly banging some artiste babe he met in a Hollywood yoga class. Yes, Russell Brand has a new girlfriend. Oriela Medellin Amieiro, 25, is said to speak four languages and according to her website loves life and is searching for the ultimate truth. Good luck with that. She is also a vegetarian and self-professed “modern day gypsy.” Supposedly Oriela was born in Mexico City to Puerto Rican parents and has lived in Milan, Paris, and New York. Leave this one alone, Russell”she’s way out of your league. Down, little doggie, before I bop you on the snout with a rolled-up newspaper. With any luck, Oriela will quickly get her fill of publicity and move her Gypsy ass on down the road lest she get permanently Branded.
