Dubai, UAE

Source: Bigstock

I suppose it was the Almighty’s sense of humor to cover Western Europe with snow while those who flew into Dubai on private jets warned of planetary disasters due to fossil fuels. The United Nations climate conference is and always will be a contradiction, especially when held in a place whose wealth is uniquely derived from fossil fuel. COP28 is a joke, a lot of fat cats reading acronym-ridden speeches and with as much intention of cutting down oil production as cutting down private jet use or expensive hookers flown in for the occasion.

What I’d like to know is whom are these fat cats trying to fool? The summit is nowhere near consensus, that’s for sure. Exporting countries and major oil producers are on one side; countries without oil are on the other. Both sides are saying how important it is to cut down, and that is where King Charles comes to mind. He opened the conference by reminding everyone that we’re going to boil in hell unless we cut down. I was reminded of the time he flew to central Europe as heir to the throne and with him went a Rolls or a Bentley that did nine miles to the gallon because Charles likes his comforts. Hypocrisy reigns supreme with the Brit King and in Dubai as well.

A petrostate hosting a climate conference is a joke to begin with. Making it even more of a joke is the fact that the UAE planned to use the conference in order to pitch oil and gas deals to foreign governments. These towelheads know how to play the West: Dangle some moola and they all bow low. The climate summit is mostly for show. And we the taxpayers are picking up the bill. And it’s always the same: Politicians and celebrities arrive in private jets. Pictures are taken and pronouncements are made. Imminent doom is predicted. New agreements are signed, deals are made, and then everything returns to normal. It’s a circus that has been going on since the ’90s and has Davos-like results: zero. Twenty-seven previous conferences have resulted in global emissions increasing every year except the ones when Covid shut down the place.

The main problem is hypocrisy. No one will admit that the rich like to stay rich, whereas the poor need cheap energy, which means fossil fuel. The rich are the petrostates, Russia and the U.S. The poor are the rest of the world. So why go through all the summit meetings and pantomime? To make you, dear Takimag reader, feel that something is being done. It is as simple as that. Here are a few facts, however unpleasant as it might be to list them.

Carbon reductions, unlike early cuts in fossil fuels, are a bad deal, with phenomenally high costs and low additional benefits. The biggest lie of all is the one world leaders are bandying about, that by 2050 there will be net zero carbon emissions. In order to reach that target 20 percent of the world’s GDP is necessary, something that will cost close to $43 trillion. Politicians would like us to spend more than that. And some of us still believe in politicians and democracy. Talk about naivety.

There is no good news as far as climate change is concerned. We either have to grin and bear it or totally change our way of life. The former is more likely to prevail because we are much too spoiled to choose the latter. I walked into a bookstore in the Bagel the other day and the windows exhibited only books by celebrities, obviously written by ghosts but going like hot cakes. Do we really believe that the kind of people who buy such books would stop using cars and their TVs in order to lower the temperature? That’s like believing the towels who just staged the UAE summit. Everyone down there was blowing hot air. The only way we can survive with our modern comforts intact is by making green technology cheaper. Record amounts of coal were burned last year, and record levels of oil are being used this year. And while the fat cats are in Dubai I hope they enjoy the place, because once the earth starts to boil, the locals will boil long before the rest of us. If the planet warms by three degrees Celsius, Dubai’s temperatures will exceed the limits that the human body can compensate for. But not to worry about the ruling class. The fat cats will by then be in Switzerland, Austria, Sweden, and other cold places where their type is becoming as familiar as the slushy snow.

If I had a solution to the problem I would obviously mention it, but I do not. All I do is worry about my children’s and grandchildren’s future; otherwise, like Rhett Butler, I could not give damn. But let’s not fool ourselves when we read about summits. They are just an excuse for lots of phonies to playact and attract attention. The Brits have totally sold out to the towels, and the Americans are getting there. We should hold a summit on selling out, not on emission impossible.