NEW YORK—A Brooklyn-born rapper by the name of John Forte had a business idea of sorts about eight years ago. It was one of those get-rich quickly schemes that, alas, work most of the time, hence the reason so many people are out of it most of the time. He flew to South America, bought a large amount of a liquid substance, stuffed it into an expensive briefcase, and flew into Newark airport with $1.4 million worth of liquid cocaine. He was obviously hoping to make ten or twenty times the amount once the haul was hardened by experts, cut up by more experts, and then sold to the small time dealers who would cut it up some more, mix it with laxatives, and eventually sell it to the suckers who buy the stuff in order to clear up their nasal passages.

Unfortunately for the rapper, a hawk-eyed officer spotted the briefcase, ceased it and had it examined. It was coke alright, but not the legal kind that only rots one’s teeth. Once in the jug, Forte’s bail was set at 250,000 greenbacks, which was immediately put up by the singer Carly Simon, allowing the smuggler with intent to distribute to enjoy his free time before the upcoming trial. He received the minimum but mandatory 14 years and began his sentence at the Fort Dix, New Jersey, federal prison.

Now for the bad news. Carly Simon then began a campaign to free the drug dealer-smuggler using the usual methods. Forte was black and the system was stacked against him. Forte was young—he was 27 at the time—and was misled by bad people. Forte had an underprivileged childhood. You get my drift. As it turns out, however, Forte had anything but an underprivileged upbringing. To the contrary. He attended the Phillips Exeter Academy, arguably the best prep school in America, certainly the hardest to get into along with Groton. Because it was Forte’s first offence, Carly Simon made the rounds of Washington politicos making it sound as if an innocent man had been railroaded by Ku Klux Klan justice. Simon’s son with singer James Taylor, Ben Taylor, was Forte’s roommate at Exeter, and Forte had once been a back up singer to Carly. Which I suppose in today’s celebrity-obsessed world makes one immune to the laws of the land, in fact any land.

Simon knew this as she made the rounds. Politicians being the scumbags that they are, fell over themselves to please the rather homely and aging-badly Carly, treating her quest to free a drug dealer-smuggler as if it were the one for the Holy Grail. One politician who should have known better but succumbed to her celebrity was Utah’s senator Orrin Hatch. “A fellow music lover,” as he described himself, Orrin baby opened doors and wrote letters to everyone concerned and quicker than you can say sniff, Forte was on the fast track for a pardon. He got it couple of weeks ago so the “artist” could be home for Christmas with his extended family, which includes Carly Simon and her son, Ben Taylor, and lots of other depraved vandals and foul-mouthed brutes.

Now I ask you. Is this man Bush for real? How can someone who keeps talking about family values and is a devout Christian pardon someone whom the book was not thrown at purely because the right—wrong—people asked him to? I know that politicians hold all of us in contempt, but this is so outrageous it would shock good people even in Mexico. I wonder how he justified it? Did he believe that the smuggler thought he was carrying Pepsi but it turned out to be coke? And what kind of message does this send to young people the world over. I’ll tell you. Go for it, and if you’re caught there is always a presidential pardon. When the slimy draft dodger pardoned Marc Rich he did it for the money. What’s Bush’s excuse? This latest scandal confirms that Bush—I hate to admit it but a decent man way in over his head—has to be the worst president ever, even worse than the slimy Clinton. He started a war which was meant to eliminate weapons of mass destruction which didn’t exist. Hundreds of thousands have died as a result. Instead of combating terrorism, his war saw to the recruitment of hundred of thousands of terrorists and the spread of violence. His Iraqi bulwark against the ayatollahs have turned Iran into a major regional power and has empowered in Iraq pro-Iranian Shiite theocrats. Finally, he allowed Fifth Columnists like the neocons who urged him on to war for Israel’s safety to turn the U.S. into as hated a state as is Israel.

Marc Rich played games with American prosecutors for years. He was protected by Israel and warned when the feds were about to snatch him on his way to Spain. (This led to my only argument with Conrad Black in these here pages) At the end money did the trick. We all know what a sleazeball Clinton is. But Bush pardoning a rapper who imported 1.4 million bucks worth of coke is even more outrageous. Laws no longer apply as long as a celebrity is on your side. If I ever kidnap the deputy editor of the Speccie and get caught, I will have my good buddy Harvey Keitel make he rounds and see to it that I get pardoned. It will be worth it.