Source: BIgstock

(2) Goldwasser

This is a wonderful, warming mid-weight spirit from the Polish port city of Gdansk. The ingredients are lost on me, except that which glitters at the bottom of the bottle, which really is gold. At some point in the 16th century, the alchemists of Gdasnk decided that ingesting gold would be just the thing for the city’s digestive health. No amount of peristalsis persuades it to change its chemical state, giving you the chance to shit gold before lunch. If that thought doesn’t cheer you up, I don’t know what will. Shitting gold also provides excellent opportunities for one-upmanship if someone in the assembled company is wearing too much of the stuff.

(1) Schnapps

Hands down the best way to attack the day. So good that it is better taken on a weekday than a weekend (unless hunting or sailing, of course). It should be taken in a small quantity of not more than half a regular shot. Given its function is to open the physical and mental capillaries, this should be commenced before coffee; although some overlap is permissible. The type and temperature are up to you: Pear, apple, plum, quince, and grape are all valid. If proper schnapps is unavailable—perhaps you have the misfortune of being in France—a young Calvados or a Poire Williams is just about permissible (in Scandinavia, by contrast, Aquavit is an excellent variant). The best culinary accompaniment is something with intent—a pungent omelet of spring onions and Parmesan, for instance, or some smoked kippers. One can tire of standard Oeufs au James Bond, although these remain the default option if you’re in a rush (some people are, apparently).

Now, seeing I’ve plucked these feathers from my chest for you, I would like to ask you a favor. Please share below with your own favorite day-starters. I am only one man midway through life; and I get FOMO just as bad as anyone else. So, pray tell, what else should I be drinking for breakfast?