President Barack Obama

The media is done focusing on trivial matters regarding Mitt Romney. Say goodbye to articles claiming Romney’s hair looks like Reagan’s or that his makeup on a Latino show appeared to be too brown. They’ll stop acting outraged at the very mention of the fact that 47% of the American population pays no income tax. Nobody’s going to criticize Romney for legally paying 14% tax. We aren’t going to hear about the money he legally kept in offshore accounts”€”money that could have gone to Obama to be redistributed. When talking about the 75% tax that the wealthy in France are now paying, the post-debate media is going to go Will Smith on our asses and be all, “God Bless America!” We aren’t going to hear that Romney’s sons seem creepy or how he doesn’t understand airplane windows.

Reporters are going to start looking for the truth in every story and will research the basic mathematics behind purposely slanted charts and figures. They are going to call out racist black Americans for attacking the few black conservatives who dare to question Obama. Reporters will now think twice before assuming that cutting social programs equates to hurting black Americans. They’re going to make fun of that free-phone lady and write pieces about how bad Roosevelt’s New Deal has been for America’s poor, especially blacks.

Finally, we’re going to hear intelligent discussions about Paul Ryan’s plan to cut spending. Nonpartisan economists will be explaining America’s financial future in layman’s terms, and we will learn exactly what all this overspending has done to our children’s future. Unbiased experts will also be called in to discuss the unfathomably complicated healthcare bill. Reporters with liberal-arts educations will ask questions instead of spouting platitudes.

We are at the dawning of a new era. The age of liberal media is over and an epoch of truth has begun.

Just kidding.