The Week’s Most Swelling, Smelling, and Biden-Farewelling Headlines GRANDMA THROWSES Animal rights, animal wrongs. A new study claims that vegans are more likely to be depressed. Perhaps it’s the diet, or perhaps it’s weeping over the grave of every chicken turned into KFC. Here’s a ...
The Week’s Most Aching, Staking, and Resolution-Breaking Headlines MALAISE AT REST Jimmy Carter has passed, and whatever your political affiliation, everyone can agree that it’s tragic when one dies so young. No one’s certain how old the former president was, but now that he’s dead they ...
The Week’s Most Leary, Dreary, and New Yeary Headlines INMATE, OUTMATE Biden concluded 2024 by commuting the sentences of every federal death row inmate, including child-killers and mass murderers. He left only three behind: “Young Bieber”-haired moppet Dylann Roof, who killed nine black ...
The Week’s Most Mingling, Singling, and Kris Kringling Headlines A DINGBAT ATE ME BABY Remember the good old days when Australians and New Zealanders were thought of as rugged individualists? And then came Covid and we saw that those pathetic wimps were all flex and no muscle. Lockdowns, ...
The Week’s Most Snowing, Blowing, and Ho-Ho-Ho-ing Headlines DEARTH PENALTY Scandinavians have a problem when it comes to crime and punishment. As in, they don’t punish crime. In Sweden, the state cannot prosecute anyone under the age of 15. Not execute but merely prosecute. This is the same ...
The Week’s Most Barreling, Caroling, and Gay-Appareling Headlines OLD MAN RAGING RIVER This post-Thanksgiving story could be subtitled “jive turkey becomes unalive turkey.” When you read the headline “Florida grandpa, 72, killed over loud music dispute with neighbor on Thanksgiving,” ...
The Week’s Most Wrecking, Henpecking, and Hall-Decking Headlines OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKÉ The word is out in L.A.: Don’t drink the water. Because another wacky Asian chick has traveled to the city and gone missing. And based on experience, that means keep those faucets off. In January 2013, ...
The Week’s Most Wobbling, Bobbling, and Gobble-Gobbling Headlines INDIANS SQUAWED... Has anyone ever done an IQ comparison between the Bering Strait nomads who settled the frozen north versus the Injuns who kept moving south hoping to find warmer climes? Because in theory one would expect the ...
The Week’s Most Herky, Jerky, and Buy-That-Frozen-Turkey Headlines FAMIRY FEUD Dog trainers have long abandoned the tradition of smacking misbehaving pups on the schnoz with a rolled-up newspaper, because the state of American print journalism is so foul, it’s plainly sadistic to expose your ...
The Week’s Most Sectioning, Detectioning, and Post-Electioning Headlines ALMOND JOYLESS Kamala Harris should’ve seen the warning signs. When the sequel to the Joaquin Phoenix Joker film bombed, what was that if not proof that the American public was sick and tired of psychopaths with nervous ...
