July 15, 2015
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Sadly, though, many people, including some on the left, worry that seemingly arbitrary redefinitions of words might have disastrous consequences for the rule of law. Needless to say, these narrow-minded reactionaries are still hung up on the old concept of words. But I ask them, what exactly have “words” ever done for us? The racist normative white male heteropatriarchy uses “words” to oppress nonnormative bodies. Evil capitalists like the one percent exploit “words” to get rich. Conservatives employ “words” to make convincing arguments about the dangers of expansive government. Christianity uses “words” to encourage adherence to its time-tested moral code. And large collections of “words” (like those found in the U.S. Constitution and the Affordable Care Act) are too imprecise to ensure the realization of social justice. What’s all the fuss about “words”? “Words” are overrated.
Anyway, it’s not like we are changing words“we are just changing the meanings of words. And now that the meanings of those words are in the hands of an elite, progressive, forward-thinking ruling class, we can define and redefine them as necessary in the pursuit of fairness. It’s a brave new world”a world where we have essentially segregated words from their definitions in a kind of linguistic “separate but equal” doctrine.
Is that scary? Only if you”re on the wrong side of history. See, the liberal elite know what’s best for society. Government can”t be useful if it’s run by average people who think only average thoughts. However, the elite can”t be bothered to read the whole text of our pronouncements. Running society is tough”we barely have time for our annual Vale trips as it is. That’s why we need the power to change what words mean ex post facto. Not only will it help us to avoid embarrassing oversights like the one that led to the King case, it will also free up time for us to make more pronouncements for the betterment of society. The best part, though, is that we can still call the American system of government a democracy…primarily because we had Chief Justice Roberts change the meaning of “democracy” from “rule by the people” to “rule by a tiny elite minority who know best for everyone.” Trust me, you”ll thank us later.
