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It’s Juneteenth, and to celebrate 158 years since the end of American slavery, why not make amends by adopting a poor black woman’s clitoris? That is the idea behind ClitorAid, a genuine charity started by a “pro-clit” global UFO cult, the Raelians, following a meeting between the sect’s founder, Rael, and some black African victims of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) in Burkina Faso.

Touched, Rael launched an official “Adopt a Clitoris” appeal at an L.A. porn convention in 2007, using donors’ money to fund a “Clitoris Awareness Month” and open a so-called “Pleasure Hospital” aimed at reconstructing FGM victims’ sensitive parts, an ambition later nixed by the Burkina Faso Health Ministry. As one critic observed, any scheme that “asks Westerners to adopt African women’s genitals” surely “carries colonialist overtones.”

Ugandan Relations
Raelians are not the only ones busily trying to colonize innocent black African genitals these days, however. Ever since the Obama era, the federal government has been wasting YOUR tax dollars trying to persuade Africans to go gay with their hidden bits instead—with counterproductive results. African politicians and voters bemoaned such programs as gay neocolonialism, prompting lands like Nigeria to pass more and harsher antigay laws in resistance.

The latest nation to refuse to bend is the former British colony of Uganda, whose president, Yoweri Musuveni, signed a new “Anti-Gay Bill” into law in late May, just in time to ruin annual Excessive Gay Pride Month in June. Homosexual relations were already illegal in Uganda, but now you could face the death penalty for something called “aggravated homosexuality”—that is, spreading AIDS to someone, gay-molesting a child, or tipping a disabled person out of his wheelchair before bumming him (this isn’t a joke, it is a genuine provision of the bill).

The response of Washington and Brussels was to threaten sanctions and withdraw economic aid. The response of Russia was to laugh and step in to replace the West, thereby making it more likely Uganda would support its invasion of Ukraine at the U.N. “The [old Anglo-Saxon] colonizers are asking us to be enemies of Russia, who never colonized us,” said Uganda’s foreign minister, Jeje Odongo. The Russians certainly never tried to colonize your genitals, Jeje.

Clitoris Allsorts
We’re constantly lectured about homophobia in the West supposedly being a mainly far-right white supremacist affliction, but the truth is that today’s black Africans make Fred Phelps look like Harvey Milk.

Uganda even has a national holiday, National Martyrs’ Day, commemorating the lives of several teenage Christian boys who refused to be shafted by their queenly king Mwanga II, before being burned alive for their brave anal resistance—at least Mwanga didn’t just tie them all up and sodomize them to death anyway like in the old “Death or Um-Bongo” joke.

Consider also Zimbabwean senator Morgan Femai. Zimbabwe has one of the highest HIV infection rates in the world, even worse than the staff toilets of GLAAD, and Femai thought this was due to the habitually open legs of his nation’s women, whether straight or lesbo.

In 2012, he formulated a unique plan to help stem the unfolding medical tragedy: He proposed all Zimbabwean females should be forced to shave their heads, “like what the apostolic sects do,” and stop bathing. Reasoning few men other than Will Smith would find themselves attracted to smelly bald black women, Femai concluded this would stop the disease in its tracks. Additionally, he proposed they should undergo FGM: another case for ClitorAid!

This is a genuine speech of Professor Femai: “Women have got more moisture in their [sexual] organs as compared to men, so there is a need to research how to deal with that moisture because it is conducive for bacteria breeding. There should be a way to suck that moisture out!” Perhaps there would be some brave souls willing to perform such an operation manually?

Ban the Bum
Especially gay-hating was former Gambian president Yahya Jammeh, a Muslim who persistently claimed to have been able to cure AIDS via unlikely means involving bananas. It seems surprising Jammeh ever wanted to cure AIDS patients at all, given his own virulent dislike of the deviants who usually caught it. In 2008, Jammeh threatened to personally “cut off the head” of any homo he came across if they did not leave the country within 24 hours, something declared a “principled stand” by Gambia’s Supreme Islamic Council.

Less rapturous was the response of the U.N. General Assembly when Jammeh gave a speech there in 2013, warning gays were “very evil, anti-human, [and] anti-Allah,” a “plague” in pseudo-human form. Those who promote gayness “want to put an end to human existence,” he added. “I have never seen a homosexual chicken,” he explained to Gambia’s Parliament that same year. “We are ready to eat grass, but we will not compromise on this.”

In 2014, Jammeh began theorizing that “LGBT” really stood for “Leprosy, Gonorrhea, Bacteria, and Tuberculosis.” He promised his countrymen “we will fight these vermin…the same way we are fighting malaria-causing mosquitoes”—and he didn’t mean by hanging nets over people’s beds at night to prevent them from getting forcibly sucked.

In 2008, two Spanish holidaymakers were arrested on the absurd new crime of “making homosexual advances to taxi-drivers,” but native gay Gambians could expect even worse.

Cunningly, Jammeh had anticipated the possibility some desperate benders might deliberately get themselves arrested just so they could live within the sole company of men for 24 hours a day by warning potential offenders that “We will put you in the female wing of the prison” as a further punishment (these were the happy days before the likes of Karen White, Demi Minor, and Barbie Kardashian made this threat sort of come true).

As a result, Gambia had millions in aid withdrawn by the West—a shortfall rectified by Middle Eastern nations, who prefer to proselytize Islam, not queerness. By making it appear Gambia was being blackmailed to go gay by sinful white infidels from the “empire of homosexuals,” Jammeh spun himself as a devout defender of the faith. “If you do it [in my country], I will slit your throat,” Jammeh warned his camp compatriots, “and no white person can do anything about it.”

Shafting Their Own People
African leaders are just doing what their voters want. In the aftermath of President Museveni pushing an early 2014 version of his “Anti-Gay Bill,” the country’s popular Red Pepper tabloid ran a front-page story headlined “EXPOSED! Uganda’s 200 Top Homos Named,” warning readers ominously against “Using Mouth For Sex.” Other surreal antigay scare stories in Uganda carry equally incredible headlines like “CONFESSION: How Bum-Shafting Shattered My Whopper.”

Even wilder was this piece, headlined “BEWARE: Notorious Bum-Driller on the Loose,” about “a notorious bum-driller who escaped from police cells” after having “shattered [his victim’s] ass” after telling the poor man he “fancied downloading his sperms in my butt.” “With his leaking bums” the Driller Killer’s victim was “rushed to hospital,” where he told of having a nest of “anaconda-like whoppers” gang-rammed into his behind by the criminal and his pals.

After Zimbabwe’s former president the Reverend Canaan Banana was accused of multiple counts of sodomy in 1997, likewise, the classic headline “MAN RAPED BY BANANA” was coined. 1980s Zimbabwe had optimistically passed a law making it illegal for people to make jokes about Banana-Man’s surname. Evidently, it failed to bear fruit.

Wankenstein’s Monsters
Another 2016 Red Pepper story, “Homos Want to Rape Me,” was a long interview with Father Simon Lokodo, Uganda’s then Minister of Ethics and Integrity (now dead—by Um-Bongo?), the highlights of which ran thus:

These homos are everywhere; in schools, churches, families, government institutions, villages…ooh they are everywhere…. My sources have revealed to me that the Western world has pumped a lot of money in[to] the homosexuality spread[ing] campaign. They want to finish off our beautiful culture…. The schools that are welcoming these homosexual recruiters receive millions of cash…. I have a complaint before my desk that…[one] head teacher masturbates boys’ sperms and keeps them in test-tubes [to impregnate women with gay babies?]. We are going to arrest him and the school will be closed immediately…. Just yesterday a son of one of the richest Ugandans came here and confessed. The boy is wearing three Pampers [diapers]. His anus was shattered beyond repair. He cannot sit with ease. He is suffering and wallowing in pain. When the boy undressed before me pus was oozing from his rear…. We are going to attack and attack. I have fresh tactics. One of them is a censor gadget or machine. We are going to procure this machine and it will detect homos and porn actors…. The South Koreans are programming it. And very soon we will ship it into the country and all the evil will be busted.

Lokodo was so extreme in his “foaming, frothing” views that, after interviewing him in 2012, gay English comedian Stephen Fry actually tried to kill himself!

How much aid money will America and Europe go on wasting promoting homosexuality in nations whose people act and think like this?

The Straight Man’s Burden
In July 2015, when Bum-Boy Barack Obama made an official visit to his ancestral homeland of Kenya, he took the opportunity to lecture the primitive, no-nothing natives, “half-devil and half-child,” patronizingly upon the topic of gay rights, something most black Kenyans simply don’t care about. As Kenyan president Uhuru Kenyatta put it, such things were “really a nonissue” for 99.9 percent of his countrymen.

Even more strident was Vincent Kidala, leader of the Kenyan opposition, who boasted of having successfully established “a network of prostitutes” of both sexes across the country, who feared they would “lose customers” if gayness was legalized locally. Kidala planned to have 5,000 such straight hookers dance naked in the street during the presidential visit, “to show Mr. Obama the difference between men and women.”

Perhaps Mr. Kidala should do the same thing for President Biden and all of his other dollar-wasting, gay-colonialist Washington trans-groomers today. Spending aid cash to turn Africans gay is as futile as funding ClitorAid to “reconstruct” Dylan Mulvaney’s missing vagina.