Madonna

GSTAAD—For a cultural pessimist such as myself, things have never looked rosier. With economic depression, unemployment, environmental disasters, and endless armed conflicts, modern civilization’s final destruction is nigh. As a prophet of pessimism, I can hardly conceal my glee at being right, but I pray nonstop that I’m wrong.

That there’s a cultural decay in a declining West is hardly worth debating. A powerless and increasingly cretinized citizenry has been brainwashed into a state of domesticated conformity, with unelected technocrats totally controlling their lives.

Even the super-rich are basically slaves. Bernie Ecclestone may be a billionaire four times over, but he’s a small man in many respects, chained to his BlackBerry as he drives himself around Gstaad oblivious to the fact he might get lost in a snowdrift. Another neighbor just bought his wife a $45-million Gulfstream V to go along with her latest plastic surgery. A Saudi has carved his family tree outside his chalet—thank God the tree is short and so ugly, even dogs won’t pee on it. And the poor little Greek boy has wasted three months of hard training by going on a weeklong Karamazovian binge. But rumors of Roman Abramovich having bought in Gstaad are untrue, and thank God he remains with his entourage far away in St Barts. (Further good news is that the onetime plastic-duck salesman’s hard-earned stolen moolah is not helping his football team much.)

Gstaad’s locals can’t seem to be bothered either way. The disgustingly glitzy nouveaux riche’s motto around these parts seems to be, “What—me worry?”

What everyone’s talking about here is—surprise, surprise—the euro. The doomed currency’s latest frantic prop-up has the morons seeing glimmers of hope and plunging into stocks, bonds, and commodities, thus pushing prices higher. Then the bad news emerges and nervous investors dump their positions quicker than you can say, “sucker.” Then the whole cycle begins all over again. Yet they continue to discuss it ad nauseam everywhere, driving sensitive souls such as myself to the highest slopes to get away from these so-called Wall Street geniuses.

The Gstaad elite hasn’t noticed the latest insult the Brussels crooks foisted on us. The EU now claims to allow for blocs to make changes in order to head off veto trouble. It is yet another ploy, another trick, another big lie, as cynical as the one that saw nations vote and vote again until the Lisbon Treaty was approved. What they mean by “less EU” is there will be more Germany and France regulating our lives. Can you imagine being told how to live by an egregious megalomaniac midget such as Sarkozy and a German frau who would make love to her own husband in an orgy?