Philippa Middleton

The cakes have been cut, the disco balls dismantled from Buckingham Palace’s throne room, and those lovebirds, Will and Catherine, shared two kisses heard ‘round the world. But what will be the lasting legacy of this year’s royal wedding? Why, it’s the semi-nude photos of those attractive Middleton siblings that have been making the rounds. Kate’s little sister Pippa attracted plenty of attention in her clingy Sarah Burton bridesmaid dress, but racier photos have come out showing her dancing in a bra and having a swinging good time in her younger days. Meanwhile, fans of James Middleton can feast their eyes on a treasure trove of photographs showing him horsing around like a frat boy and dropping trou. The family may have ditched the “middle-class” moniker—but their clothes seem to have gone with it.

The royal newlyweds have had a relatively quiet week since their wedding. Will and Kate postponed the honeymoon, and Kate was spotted grocery shopping. Ah, wedded bliss. It was also revealed they’re tacking on a trip to Los Angeles when they visit Canada in July. Kate’s never been out of the country. Just wait until she gets an eyeful of Rodeo Drive…but in all seriousness, expect the paparazzi to hound them like wolves upon their arrival. Remember the big stink that was made when the Beckhams came stateside? And Victoria doesn’t even have royal blood.

Sarah Palin’s slipping in the polls and is now almost a non-entity in the 2012 race. Her daughter Bristol doesn’t seem to be coping very well. After her stint on Dancing with the Stars she’s stepped out with what looks like a new face. Her jawline is noticeably slimmer and her chin much more pronounced in photos from a recent appearance. It could be chalked up to losing weight, but Bristol looks pretty much the same everywhere else. Expect Mama Grizzly to unleash on the haters in 5…4…3…2…

Newsflash: Charlie Sheen still thinks highly of himself. The disgraced sitcom star asked to be paid $1 million to sit down for an interview with Vanity Fair. The magazine said “thanks, but no thanks” and went ahead with a piece about Sheen anyway. They uncovered how Sheen wrangled $100 million out of CBS, despite the network offering “only” $72 million for his work.

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End time may be nigh for Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli. He’s been spotted solo at two events—including at an art gallery in the same vicinity as Gisele Bundchen, his ex. Though they both attended the Met Costume Institute ball honoring Alexander McQueen earlier this week, it could have been all for show—Leo and Bar took off for separate post-gala bashes, and a source says they are going through a “difficult patch.”

Elsewhere at the Met, the stars came out for one of the most glamorous nights of the year. Fergie, Beyonce, Blake Lively, Sarah Jessica Parker, and others hailed Alexander McQueen under the theme “Savage Beauty.” From the sublime to the ridiculous, see the most gasp-inducing outfits here.

Finally, what the world has long been waiting for: Arnold is returning to the big screen. After his little sideshow in politics, the Terminator is eager to get back in action, and will star in Cry Macho, playing a horse trainer—probably one with a heart of gold!—who kidnaps a boy. And how much is Schwarzenegger worth in 2011? He’ll be reaping $12.5 million and 25 percent of first-dollar gross. In short: a whole lot of dough. With Academy Award-winning producers backing the film, Arnold may well get his time on Oscar’s stage.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are the proud parents of twins. Their names: Moroccan Scott and Monroe Cannon. Mariah must love her interior decorating skills: Moroccan was named after the “Moroccan Room” of her New York City apartment. Her daughter Monroe was named after, of course, Marilyn herself.

Wonder if she got a talking-to by her stepdad Ashton? Tallulah Belle Willis, daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, was detained by police for alcohol possession this week. The 17-year-old was allegedly carrying booze while hanging out with a group of minors. Hopefully she’ll wade into more scandalous territory soon. Swilling Jack on the sidewalk is just a short leap away from a DUI…

And finally, just as Mel Gibson is garnering decent reviews as a down-on-his-luck dad in the long-delayed film The Beaver, his ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva has dropped her domestic violence case against him. Supposedly she wants to quickly settle the custody case brewing over their daughter. Prediction: by the end of 2011, Mel’s redemption tour will be complete.

Tina Fey is getting the baby her alter ego Liz Lemon’s always wanted. The writer-director-author is pregnant with her second child, only a few months after writing about her inner turmoil over motherhood—and how her pregnancy affects everyone working at 30 Rock. There might not be much up for debate: Alec Baldwin said earlier this week the show is ending after next season, although quickly backpedaled the next day. But after all this, will Lemon finally get her happy ending?

Charlie Sheen wants to seduce Mila Kunis into his harem of goddesses, and luckily for our modern-day Hef, his two live-in girlfriends already approve of the Black Swan actress. He made the statement during his uneven stand-up show that garnered boos and walk-outs on its first night. Yet even a warlock has limits, and Sheen’s may be a foursome.

Your mornings may be getting a lot less cheerful. Rumors are swirling in media circles that Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira are both leaving the Today show, but the peacock network is denying the defections. Vieira is said to be tired of the grueling early mornings, and Lauer’s contract is up in December 2012. Too much to hope for Matt Lauer to slide into Regis’ seat at the end of the season?

One person who actually might be uploading his fearmongering resume to Monster.com: Glenn Beck. He’s leaving his Fox News show after two years—and network CEO Roger Ailes isn’t squashing rumors that Beck was fired. Jon Stewart is having plenty of fun with his rival’s ouster. This week Stewart imitated the host for an entire show, complete with glasses and emotional sign-off. “He started to believe his own messianic delusions and became a giant pain in the ass, so they dropped his ass,” Stewart said.

All is not well on LeBron James’ home court. The Miami Heat star’s mom was arrested this week—but not for drugs, a DUI, or shoplifting. No, Gloria James struck a valet with her purse after he drove up her car at the Fontainebleau Hotel in Miami. She was also allegedly (unsurprisingly) drunk. It’s not the first time LeBron’s had family issues. His mom made waves in 2008 when she cussed out an opposing player who fouled her baby boy.

Speaking of family drama, the volatile Judd clan seems as messy as ever. Ashley Judd’s memoir All That Is Bitter and Sweet alleges that the star’s famous mother Naomi brought “mayhem and uncertainty” to her childhood, and that her home was overflowing with pot. Her older sister Wynonna took to the airwaves of The View and said “People are trying to pit us against each other. We agree to disagree in this family.” Naomi also said, “We all have three different realities of the same car ride of the nightmares we were in, it’s her turn to tell her side of the story.”

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Look, even government leaders can get pissy sometimes. According to a dishy new biography of Nicolas Sarkozy, the French president was so enraged by an article calling his wife Carla Bruni a “maneater” that he threatened to smash in the editor’s face. Sarkozy also supposedly said “I’m sure you’d blow your top if I wrote that your wife was a whore that everyone had slept with and even wanted to have sex with your children.” Apparently Carla herself smoothed over the conversation, saying “Forgive him. But Nicolas is so in love, you understand. He cannot bear that people write this kind of thing about me.” Beauty trumps all. Of course.

How much is that Daphne in the window? Fashion’s quirkiest muse, Daphne Guinness, will take up a post in the windows of Barneys for an art installation honoring the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala. The windows will also showcase her wardrobe in the six-week exhibition “Fashion as Art” tied to the Costume Institute Gala’s May exhibit “Alexander McQueen: Savage Beauty.”

We have a fun little fashion catfight on our hands. Christian Louboutin is suing Yves Saint Laurent for mimicking his copyrighted red-soled shoes. In a 27-page lawsuit, Louboutin alleges that reproducing his shoes—trademarked since 1992—will cause “confusion, mistake, and deception among the relevant purchasing public.” He also namedropped a few of his famous fans—Sarah Jessica Parker, and the Desperate Housewives and Gossip Girl crew among them.

After Prince William and Kate Middleton finally—finally—wed in front of the entire world on April 29, one might imagine they’ll want to relax in privacy. Instead, they’re moving in with his younger brother. The royal couple has a handful of homes to choose from, yet for a while will hang out at a suite at Clarence House in London, where Harry lives part-time when not away with the Air Corps. Nothing more romantic than newlyweds shacking up with the bachelor brother.

Note to all curious and aspiring entertainment journalists out there: Kim Cattrall doesn’t want to talk about her bikini wax. The former Sex and the City seducer batted down the questions of a few journos at the red carpet for her latest film Meet Monica Velour, telling the poor scribe from Page Six to “get a respectable job” or go “write for a blog…then you can write about what you want [or] care about.” She admitted later she’d been drinking, and offered up the topic she really wanted to talk about: Being “54 and marginalized.”

But, as Snooki can attest, sometimes being marginalized isn’t so bad. The pint-size Jersey Shore regular was paid $32,000 to speak at Rutgers University. Nobel winner Toni Morrison was once paid $30,000. Some students were upset, but both events sold out. What kind of wisdom does all that green buy? As Snooki told her rapt audience, “study hard, but party harder.”

Madonna’s plans for a school is Malawi have imploded, leaving plenty of egg on the pop star’s face. Now accusations are flying. Madonna and her business partner Michael Berg are being sued by workers who never broke ground on the childrens’ school, but the fallout may hit another aspect of the Material Girl’s life: Kabbalah. Berg’s parents, who founded the Kabbalah center, were also involved in the charity and are allegedly being probed by the IRS.  (They say they’re not.) Expect the singing chanteuse to slink back into the shadows while this scandal blows over.

Donald Trump seems to think the quickest way to the White House is by trashing the guy already there. After bringing up the tired controversy over Obama’s “missing” birth certificate, Trump told Bill O’Reilly that the president is “weak,” “kisses everybody’s ass,” and is “in more wars than I’ve ever seen.” And even more horrifying news—a recent poll put the Donald as a frontrunner for the GOP nomination—if he decides to run.

Marc Jacobs has a scandal in the boardroom. The president of the company, Robert Duffy, allegedly created a hostile work environment—including keeping a book of employees posing in sexual situations—and is being sued by Jacobs’ former CFO and COO. These aren’t the first allegations to envelop Duffy—over the years, other employees have complained, with one saying the company man forced her to perform a pole dance for him. Marc probably wishes the drama remained on the runway.

Billy Joel’s going to keep his secrets buried, thankyouverymuch. His memoir, scheduled for release this June, has been scrapped after the Piano Man decided he didn’t want to tell all. Savvy move that only makes the untold stories seem even more juicy, should he ever decide to spill the beans in The Book of Joel.

You win American Idol and people sort of know your overglittered face. You manage to sneak into Lady Gaga’s birthday party as a guest of a guest. Nice, right? So then Adam Lambert decided to get sloppy drunk and punch a hole in the ceiling. And then tried to smear cake in the singer’s face. Security escorted him out of the last big bash we imagine he’ll attend for awhile.

Gwyneth Paltrow is set on becoming a multi-hyphenate. Last year she transformed into a country star, then she partnered with Cee-Lo Green at the Grammys, and now there’s talk she’s getting her own food magazine with Hearst. The magazine company says it’s not true, yet sources say it’s a “top-secret project.” Her second cookbook is coming out next month, and Paltrow stars with Mario Batali in a PBS cooking show. Wonder if her husband, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, feels like he’s been put on ice?

Daredevil Prince William isn’t going to wear a wedding ring after his April nuptials. Does he think we’ll forget he’s married? Kate is choosing to wear a band made from gold that comes from a mine in north Wales. Gold? What, the future king couldn’t spring for platinum? Meanwhile, Prince Harry is taking his best man role in stride. He says he wants to cause a scene at the reception—though it’s unlikely he’ll actually go through with it. Harry said he wants to “dig him in the ribs and embarrass him. Make him lose some hair.” God, please no. There’s so little of it to go around.

And the week wouldn’t be complete without a Lindsay update. The fallen starlet walked her first red carpet in a long time, after literally taking a fall outside a bar in New York. She set the record straight with TMZ: “I was NOT drinking, nor do I drink!… I was with my brother, sister and friends. I was making a joke. They’re trying to make something out of nothing. Just because I’m out doesn’t mean I’m drinking.” The lady doth protest too much.

Elizabeth Taylor

The world lost one of the greats this week with the passing of Elizabeth Taylor. The much-heralded actress lived a life larger than most: two Oscars, eight marriages, and countless headlines later, the Dame passed away on Wednesday at the age of 79. Remembrances deluged the papers, yet it was Liz herself who could always make the best news. Her funeral began 15 minutes late, a request she made prior to her death—and surely, no one would ever mind waiting on the violet-eyed beauty. A small group (including Colin Farrell) attended the services at Los Angeles’ Grand Mausoleum, where Michael Jackson is also interred.

It’s a bit gauche to discuss, but we’ll dive in anyway—now there’s talk about where Taylor’s fortunes will go. (Her White Diamonds perfume is still the biggest celebrity fragrance on the market and she’s said to be worth more than $500 million.) Her four scrappy kids were already fighting over how the money would be dispersed last year, but there’s a wild card involved: Jason Winters, her longtime assistant and right hand man, may be the recipient of all that cash. If so, he’s expected to give some of it away to AIDS charities, which is how they met. As Dame Elizabeth grew more eccentric in her later years, she was still beloved by those closest to her.

It’s more depressing than usual to cover Lindsay Lohan news when the talk comes directly after the death of the biggest star in the world, but even drug-addled twentysomethings have their idols. Lindsay’s mom is floating the rumor that her daughter is going to change her name and, like Cher, Madonna, and yes, even Liz before her, just go by “Lindsay.” She wants a fresh start and to drop all associations with her trainwreck father, Michael Lohan. Good luck to ya.

Oh wait, there’s more! Lindsay’s also said to be furious over new photos of her ex-girlfriend Samantha Ronson making out with a brunette. She thought they were exclusive! Ah, but those lips say otherwise.

Here’s a do-it-yourself way to stall your own quasi-successful public rehabilitation: Give a national interview, refuse to answer questions, throw very loud hissy fit in dressing room, break a window with a chair, storm out onto the streets shirtless. Chris Brown gave it a try on Good Morning America this week, and left a bad taste in the mouths of fans—and anchor Robin Roberts, who said Brown vetted her Rihanna questions beforehand. His publicist has suspiciously quit after the tirade. Thanks for reminding us of your temper, Chris. The boys don’t change.

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Paul Johnson CalderonFrom High Society to the bowels of college life, it’s been an interesting year for Paul Johnson Calderon. The sticky-fingered troublemaker was arrested this week for breaking into a fraternity at Massachusetts’ Amherst College. Imagine if Tinsley Mortimer’s show had a second season: arrests, keggers, Montauk summers, the possibilities are endless.

All is not well in Katie Couric’s world. The clock is ticking on the CBS anchor’s contract, and it looks doubtful the Tiffany Network wants to re-up her deal, which at $15 million a year would even make Charlie Sheen jealous. It’s likely she’ll switch to daytime, the wasteland of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? reruns and that show by Oprah’s decorator pet Nate Berkus.

Michael and Carole MiddletonTime to bookmark your royal rags: Prince William’s bachelor/stag party is finally taking place this weekend, and the public wants to gobble up every last detail of the top-secret affair. A royal aide promises “legendary activities” while Kate remains at home planning the wedding details. Meanwhile, her parents, Michael and Carole Middleton, are using their new status to trade up their living arrangements. They toured a pricey manor that once belonged to Camilla Parker Bowles while she had an affair with Prince Charles. Cheeky! If those walls could talk…actually no, let’s not imagine that.

Finally, a C-list feud we couldn’t ignore: George Lopez took a nasty swipe at Kirstie Alley’s appearance on Dancing with the Stars, saying she “did a nice job, her little hooves tapping away.” All’s fair in love and reality TV: Alley retorted “Just remember what happens to the big bad, drunk woolf [sic]...falls in a boiling pot of vodka. Piggy laughs.” Lopez apologized again. Alley hit back once more, referencing the comic’s transplant surgery in 2005: “I want your kidney dude.” Tune into Katie Couric’s timeslot for Surgeries of the Stars, premiering this summer.

Gaddafi’s still raging against the rebels, Japan is teetering on the brink of a nuclear crisis, and radiation is floating on over to Alaska. Yes, the world’s a mess, but you wouldn’t know it from the in-fighting and break-ups persisting among the most beleaguered of all populations: A-listers. Take a short breather and wade into the shallow end of the news pond.

Kate Middleton slipped into something a little sexy in 2002 for a fashion show and supposedly “caught Prince William’s eye.” The dress, made for a school assignment called “The Art of Seduction,” went up for auction this week and grabbed $125,884. Not a bad deal for the designer—the see-through slip cost less than $50 to make.

A pricey auction is one smart way to capitalize on the furor surrounding the royal wedding. Here’s how not to do it: rush through a low-budget film chronicling Kate and Wills’ love story and shoot it in Los Angeles. Among the problems with Lifetime’s quickie adaptation: their 6-foot 5-inch Prince William forces fake Kate to stand on a crate during their scenes; their meager budget can’t afford wigs, so Will sports a full head of hair; and a Los Angeles hotel is supposed to fill in for Windsor Castle. None of this will stop us from watching, of course, but hopefully the actual wedding has a dose of glamour.

In case this wasn’t obvious, Justin Timberlake did break Jessica Biel’s heart. Supposedly, he was miserable for two years—years!—before dumping the actress earlier this month. “You’d be surprised at how soon the love was lost on this one,” says a “pal” of the star. And yet, they stuck it out? Timberlake never admitted any affairs—Mila Kunis and Olivia Munn are just two of the names thrown about—and he’s probably already making the rounds looking for his next leading lady.

Kids, they just don’t know how to change their passwords. New nude photos of Vanessa Hudgens found their way to the Internet this week, and now the FBI is getting involved. A notorious hacker is likely to blame for hacking her accounts, and is said to have targeted Scarlett Johansson, Ali Larter, and Miley Cyrus.  Young stars fight back against hacker bullies—that’s a thin enough plot to make a Disney movie.

Jon Hamm’s taking it easy during the Mad Men hiatus. He turned the big 4-0 last week and celebrated at the Top of the Standard with SNL’s Lorne Michaels, Kirsten Wiig, and Sarah Silverman. Surprisingly, Hamm hit his whiskey limit at 1am and had to be helped out by his friends. Even Don Draper can have an off day.

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Jodie Foster’s coming out…in support of her longtime friend Mel Gibson. Foster, who directed Gibson in the long-delayed film The Beaver, teared up while talking about the troubled actor—“God, I love that man,” she said. “He’s so incredibly loving and sensitive, he really is.” “He’s not saintly, and he’s got a big mouth, and he’ll do gross things your nephew would do. But I knew the minute I met him that I would love him the rest of my life.” Unlike Gibson, Foster’s nephew probably avoids being booked on a misdemeanor battery and three years of probation.

Look for this to be mocked on an upcoming episode of 30 Rock. Tina Fey is on the cover of this month’s InStyle magazine (hooray!) but she’s nearly unrecognizable. With her face scrubbed of all flaws and her body Photoshopped into an impossibly small waist, Fey’s the latest star to come under the (fake) knife. The rest of the photo shoot hasn’t been revealed, but they couldn’t be worse than the cover.

On the other hand, Anna Wintour might be asking for a little Photoshop help for herself in the near future. Vogue’s editor has revealed a tiny, gluttonous secret: she loves potpie. The highly fattening dish is an inexplicable new favorite of people in the fashion world, Wintour included. Her personal chef says she likes it because it’s “quick to serve and moves things right along.” Surely they must all be eating one bite, or two, as the whole dish clocks in at hundreds of calories.

We’re always up for a good feud, but Bon Jovi’s timing is a little off with this one. The legendary frontman said Apple founder Steve Jobs is responsible for “killing” the music business with iTunes, and that he misses the “magical time” kids used to have basing their purchases on an album cover, putting their record on (or whatever) and becoming immersed in music. Bon-Bon has a point, but it’s one that goes over like a lead balloon when iPads are being snatched up in droves and Jobs is walking around looking very ill.

Miley Cyrus is breathing a sigh of relief. No, she hasn’t put down her salvia bong, but her parents have called off their divorce. Billy Ray Cyrus, continuing his media tour de force talking about his personal life, said he’s going to try to patch up his 17-year-long marriage. And the Cyruses lived happily ever after…until the next scandal.

Theodora Richards is wailing “Gimme Shelter” after she was caught by cops inking up a SoHo convent. Oh, but then it got worse for Keith Richards’ willowy 25-year-old daughter—she was also carrying pot and pills. The model wild child’s graffiti was a tiny red inscription: T [hearts] A. Who might the lucky gent be? Richards’ guilty plea will get her two days of community service and one day in a drug treatment facility. Like father, like daughter.

Baby Houston, we have a problem. Whitney’s daughter Kristina Brown is fuming at her ex-boyfriend for leaking photos allegedly showing her snorting coke. Is Brown, who just turned 18 on Friday, “hooked on cocaine and booze” like the National Enquirer would have you believe? “A former very dear person to me did this. Set me up to make it look exactly what it looks like,” she said in one of numerous defensive tweets this week. “God will smite them yes.”

And then there’s Christina Aguilera. Fresh off her divorce from Jordan Bratman—and many years out of the spotlight while being a doting mother—Aguilera is back and stumbling around like she’s still an undergrad. She was arrested earlier this week for public intoxication, as was her 25-year-old boyfriend Matthew Rutler, who was driving drunk. That’s one way to get the paparazzi hounding you again. Old nemesis Britney Spears is back with a hot single and cover spread, and Christina’s…cavorting around Los Angeles. Whoever thought it’d end up this way?

So you’re a relatively well-liked pol gunning for a 2012 bid. What will help your public approval ratings more than blasting a freshly crowned Oscar winner for having an out-of-wedlock child? Mike Huckabee was struck with foot-in-mouth syndrome this week after calling out Natalie Portman for “glamorizing” unwed pregnancies. Portman, who is engaged to Benjamin Millepied, has yet to comment, but after her Galliano slam, we don’t doubt she will.

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No surprise here: Anne Hathaway and James Franco supposedly hate each other after their crash-and-burn Oscar performance, according to insiders. A source claims show producers were “pissed” at the 127 Hours star’s lackluster energy and eye-rolling. Their reps are trying to put the rumors on ice, saying it’s not true and they had a “wonderful experience” together. Still, Franco hightailed it out of Los Angeles so fast he made it to a 9:45am class in New Haven the next day.

Matt Damon’s getting feisty in his old(er) age. While on Piers Morgan’s show this week he said he, like half of the nation’s population, was unhappy with Obama’s performance during his first years in office. Damon wished the president mentioned the millions of people languishing in poverty during his State of the Union speech. “I no longer hope for audacity,” he said. Well Matty, after your clunky new film The Adjustment Bureau, we no longer hope to remain awake in theaters.

John Galliano was fired from his post at Dior after a video was released showing him berating another couple in Paris with anti-Semitic comments. But of course, the show must go on. At Paris Fashion Week, Dior’s president gave a speech before Galliano’s designs went down the runway: “What has happened over the last week has been a terrible and wrenching order for us all.” Galliano will strand trial for making racist insults in public—and could get six months in prison. (Although don’t hold your breath.)

Scarlett Johansson is moving onwards, upwards, and older with her new beau. After a painful split with Ryan Reynolds, she was seen in Cabo San Lucas vacationing with Sean Penn, and later in Los Angeles delicately resting her foot in Penn’s lap during lunch. Aw, crazy kids in “love.”

Speaking of unlikely couples, jaws dropped this week when 30 Rock’s schlubby stand-up comic Judah Friedlander insinuated he hooked up with Susan Sarandon, who many thought was dating Jonathan Bricklin, co-founder of their ping pong club SPiN. They all appear to be close friends though, and are probably laughing at the rumors over a quick and dirty ping pong game now.

And a proper gossip round up wouldn’t be complete without an update on the man, the myth, the tiger-blooded Adonis known as Charlie Sheen. He gave interviews to a ton of major media outlets this week, joined Twitter—notching a Guinness World Record for reaching one million followers in less than 24 hours—and, more seriously, lost custody of his kids to ex-wife Brooke Mueller. He’s also claiming that Two and a Half Men isn’t dead—but talk about a hostile work environment. Money covers up all matter of sins, but his kind of crazy is inescapable.

Anne Hathaway

The time is nigh. After endless months of awards shows where critics, the public, and self-congratulatory stars bestowed honors on Colin Firth and…Colin Firth, the only ceremony that really matters is finally, blessedly, here. Here’s hoping James Franco and Anne Hathaway liven up the typically plodding evening. But even bigger than the annual Oscars bash are the after-parties. On Friday, Vanity Fair is doing their DJ night with firecracker Sofia Vergara and the boys from Glee. Saturday brings a fete for the documentary honorees by HBO, and a lunch by Barry Diller for Graydon Carter. But the real glitz descends Sunday at the Governors Ball, then stars must choose between Elton John and Vanity Fair’s annual parties. And finally, Franco is throwing a very late-night party at Hollywood’s Supperclub.

In a cutesy move, Prince William and no-longer-Waity Kate returned to St Andrews this week, where the two met as undergrads oh so long ago. “This is a very special moment for Catherine and me. It feels like coming home,” William said. They were there for the school’s 600th anniversary. It was a fun public appearance for the couple, but you have to wonder if Kate is at all worried about the big stag party Prince Harry is planning for his older brother. The boys will apparently set sail and engage in a “variety of extreme watersports” and follow it up with a pub crawl.

It was also a week filled with bad boys. Famed fashion designer John Galliano of Dior was arrested Thursday night after getting into a scuffle with a couple at a restaurant in Paris. (This comes one day after Kate Moss announced Galliano would design her wedding dress.) Long story short: He was drunk, allegedly made anti-Semitic remarks, and is now suspended from the House of Dior. Great week for John-John!

David Arquette is chatting about his marital problems once again. He’s still separated from Courteney Cox, but telling Oprah he’d like to make things work. “I want her to be happy,” Arquette said. “If me being the best person I can be doesn’t make her happy in a partner, in who she needs, whatever she’s looking for, that’s still to be answered.” And everybody, please put it on the record: He didn’t cheat. The A-listers were separated when he admitted his tryst with a no-name.

It’s hard to tell what Kelsey Grammer loves more: His fiancée, or his newfound time in the spotlight. Luckily, he’s found a way to combine them in a big, bloated ceremony! Grammer and Kayte Walsh are getting married Friday on the Broadway stage of La Cage aux Folles, the same play Grammer starred in when he left his wife for his new girlfriend. A source says it’s where he fell in love with Kayte and “she was always backstage.” Aw. Wonder if they’ll sign autographs after the show?

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Charlie Sheen is the Mel Gibson of 2011. After going to rehab for two and a half seconds, the TV star is doubling down on the crazy. While in the Bahamas he called into his friend’s radio show and had a lot to say. About his ex-wife Brooke Mueller: “I wish her luck in her travels…she’s going to need it, badly.” About his porn star coterie: “I have real fame. They have nothing.” He referred to the show’s creator Chuck Lorre as “Haim Levine” (his “real name” says Charlie) and a clown whose tin can product Charlie had to turn into gold. Unsurprisingly, CBS has pulled the plug on the remaining four episodes with no indication if the series will continue next year. That leaves plenty of time for Charlie to continue shooting off his mouth, and he says he’s going to the set anyway.

Sharon Stone had a bad instinct—and she was right. Stone got a restraining order against crazed superfan Bradly Gooden, who snuck into her house earlier this month and also claims he wrote the script for The King’s Speech when he was two years old and is Hillary Clinton’s son. (Unlikely, although Bill’s we could believe.)

Expect a very public reconciliation for the fractured Cyrus household. Billy Ray’s comments earlier this month about Hannah Montana ruining his family aren’t sitting well with the star of the show. Miley is reportedly furious about the interview. He also said of Miley: “She’s got a lot of people around her that’s putting her in a great deal of danger.” Gee, thanks Dad! Actually, since the salvia scandal, Miley’s been pretty quiet. Or high. It’s a little unclear.

And finally, a shakeup in the world of cable news. The troubled Parker Spitzer show is losing one of its co-hosts. After rumors she was being pushed out, Kathleen Parker announced she wouldn’t be continuing with the show to focus more on her Washington Post column and other writings. Now Eliot is in the main seat of the newly named In the Arena which will feature a rotating cast of characters each night. Sorta like his motel room! Ba dum bum.

Leighton Meester

Poor Blair Waldorf. This is definitely not proper behavior for the family of the girl who plays the Queen Bee of Gossip Girl’s Upper East Side. A woman and her son are saying Leighton Meester’s mom has been making death threats against them—and apparently a judge agrees. They’ve been granted a restraining order because of alleged statements that she would “hunt down and kill” the family. Meester’s relationship with her mother is rocky at best—she was incarcerated for a decade during her childhood for her involvement in a drug smuggling ring.

Not to worry, Diane von Furstenberg’s iconic cheekbones are recovering nicely from her skiing accident. The legendary designer was a belle of New York Fashion Week, taking laps on the runway after her heralded show. And what does she make of the rumors that the “skiing accident” was all a ruse to cover up plastic surgery? “I don’t want anybody else’s face. I don’t want a younger face,” she said. Miracle of miracles, she also said her broken nose and cheekbones barely show.

It’s official: Prince Harry will stand alongside his brother William as best man during his April nuptials to Kate Middleton. Wills surprisingly chose to call Harry his “best man” instead of the more traditional “supporter.” Rumor has it Harry wants to plan a crazy night out before his brother walks down the aisle, but William might prefer a quieter weekend retreat. Bo-ring. Meanwhile, Kate’s sister Pippa will be her maid-of-honor. The soon-to-be royal couple also chose photographer Hugo Burnand to capture their big day, and he’s unlikely to have any wedding jitters himself—he snapped Prince Charles’ wedding to Camilla and has shot Michael Jackson, Victoria Beckham, and even Iron Lady Margaret Thatcher.

Oh baby, baby, are you in trouble. Justin Bieber graces the cover of the latest Rolling Stone in all his wifebeater and leather jacket glory in a shoot by Terry Richardson, but it’s the inside of the magazine that stoked controversy. The 16-year-old, who had a conservative upbringing in Canada, was asked about his views on abortion: “It’s like killing a baby.” He was asked if there should be exceptions in cases of rape and incest, and said “Everything happens for a reason,” but, “I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.” Naturally, this caused the ladies of The View to go apoplectic. Joy called his comments “really insulting” while Elisabeth said “I don’t think we can discount somebody’s opinion because they happen to be 16.” Turns out the magazine omitted a crucial line in Bieber’s stance on abortion that gave more nuance to his original statement, yet he was already vilified when that tidbit came out.

Rod Stewart’s got something swell to sing about: he’s a father for the eighth time. After trying for a second child for years, he and his third wife Penny Lancaster decided to go the IVF route. Their baby boy, Aiden, was born this week. 

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While ol’ Rod can’t stop bringing babies into the world, it seems George Clooney and girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis are not passing on their perfect genes to the next generation. The model spoke out about getting pregnant, saying it’s “never been an objective for me” and that her “maternal desires are fully satisfied with my dogs.”

First she blew the roof off the Grammys with her outrageous performance of “Forget You” with Cee Lo Green, and now Gwyneth Paltrow is patching up a musical feud. Kings of Leon and Glee creator Ryan Murphy were locked in a war of words after the band didn’t want their songs sung on the poppy show. In response, Murphy called the rockers “self-centered” and the band’s drummer told him to “go buy a bra.” But now all is well after Gwynnie arranged a text message truce between the two.

It’s hard to tell who got punk’d in this situation. Lindsay Lohan was reportedly going to present the Top 10 list on David Letterman’s Late Night, then dropped out at the last minute. Apparently little Lilo didn’t know about the gig—it was arranged by her simultaneously absentee and overbearing father. Letterman apologized to the actress on his show with his typically dry wit, saying he hoped he didn’t embarrass her or her family.

And in more dysfunctional family news, Billy Ray Cyrus took to the pages of GQ to clear up one thing: He hates the show that made his daughter—and him—very very rich. He wishes he could go back in time and erase Miley’s hit show Hannah Montana so they could all be a happy and normal family. But then the “Achy Breaky Heart” singer probably wouldn’t be featured in GQ—or anywhere else—so it’s unclear if he’d be comfortable ditching his own fame, too.

Lindsay Lohan

Uh oh, LiLo. After waltzing into her grand theft trial in a skintight Kimberly Ovitz white dress this week, Lindsay Lohan riled up critics—and the judge—who say she’s not taking the matter seriously. (Maybe she just wants to clean out her closet before putting the orange jumpsuit back on?) Lindsay pleaded not guilty to stealing a $2,500 necklace from a Venice boutique and posted $40,000 bail. She’s due back in court February 23. Meanwhile savvy designers should reach out to the star—the Ovitz dress is sold out everywhere. 

The patented Clinton spin cycle is out in full force this week, with newlyweds Chelsea and Marc Mezvinsky stepping out for a ritzy New York gala after speculation their marriage was on the rocks. Marc went on hiatus from his job to become a ski bum, leaving Chelsea on the East Coast, but they reunited on Wednesday at Cipriani Wall Street for an amFAR event. Calculated move or not, it’s still too early to predict what lies ahead.

At least Jude Law and Sienna Miller no longer have to put up a front. After reuniting in 2009, the couple appeared to be inching toward marital bliss—they were engaged in 2005—but hey kids, staying together isn’t as easy as they make it look in the movies. The second split was “mutual and amicable.” We’ll check back in on the Jude & Sienna merry-go-round in 2014.

This year’s messiest divorce is nearly swept under the rug. Kelsey Grammer and wife Camille have agreed on a quickie divorce so the actor can marry his new girlfriend, Kayte Walsh, later this month. Camille is now wishing them the best. As she should—the newly minted reality TV star stands to walk away from her marriage with $50 million. She’s gonna need a bigger purse.

Some juicy gossip for the front-row set at New York Fashion Week. Former French Vogue editor Carine Roitfeld and her successor Emmanuelle Alt are no longer speaking, according to both editors. Carine offered her resignation and some say she was surprised it was accepted, perhaps leading to the bad blood between her and her longtime colleague. Emmanuelle said: “I don’t look back and see clouds anywhere. Carine is someone who needs to be free.” Hmm, “free”? What a kind word for “unemployed.”

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Joan Rivers is now looking abroad for her new celebrity targets. This week, Joan, who’s in the middle of promoting her new reality show with daughter Melissa, lobbed a few R-rated words in Victoria Beckham’s direction. “She is a slut,” Joan said. “Because she’s stunning, elegant and amazing and I’m so f—king jealous of her 32 Birkin bags.” Both these ladies are a piece of work.

Finally! Someone in the public eye who’s not ashamed to reveal her weight. Katy Perry talked to Elle about growing up heavy. “I was shaped like a square at one time,” she said. “I’m generally around 130 pounds, which is totally fine for me. But when I was a kid, I was the same height and weighed more like 145. And I had enormous boobs that I didn’t know what to do with.” They seem to be serving her just fine now.

A marriage borne out of angsty teen love and clichéd lyrics can’t last. Ashlee Simpson has filed for divorce from Fall Out Boy singer Pete Wentz, citing irreconcilable differences. Friends of the couple, who have a two-year-old son, are stoking controversy in the press. One says Pete was “a helluva lot smarter than Ashlee. After a while I think she realized she just couldn’t keep up with him in a lot of areas. “ Another blames his excessive partying on the separation.

Has Prince William’s rock-solid relationship with Kate Middleton inspired his baby brother? Prince Harry is reportedly back together with longtime on-and-off-again girlfriend Chelsy Davy, who was seen in Chelsea after spending months in South Africa. Three cheers for Chelsy. Besides, who else would pass the rigorous royal screening process to become Harry’s date before the upcoming wedding?

And speaking of that grand event, this week we learned that despite speculation, the Queen won’t be popping up on television in 3-D. Rupert Murdoch wanted to exhibit the wedding in 3-D, but the technology was deemed too imperfect to showcase such a widely watched event. Next time, Rupe.

Sometimes love needs no explanation. And then there’s this: Lydia Hearst’s romance with jokester Jeff Goldblum is still going strong. The model and heiress to William Randolph Hearst’s fortune has been linked to the Jurassic Park star for a short while, and new photos of them have christened them the new odd couple of 2011. At 58, Goldblum is 32 years older than his pretty young thing.

Could there be trouble in paradise? After only a few months of marriage, Chelsea Clinton’s new husband Marc Mezvinsky has ditched his hedge fund job to ski for a few months in Wyoming. This also means he’s leaving Chelsea back at their New York apartment, although she’ll reportedly visit him “every few weeks.” Another source says the newlyweds are “really happy” together. So happy they need a few states in between them? Interesting.

It’s a battle of the aging musicians. Elton John is picking a fight with Billy Joel, who’s recuperating from hip-replacement surgery. Elton told Rolling Stone that, “at the end of the day, [Billy’s] coasting….It’s either fear or laziness. It upsets me.” Elton also blamed Billy’s alcoholism, for which he’s gone to rehab twice, on why they’ve canceled tour dates in the past. Billy, for his part, responded that “Elton’s just being Elton,” and that he won’t let the comments get him down.

Mazel tov to W magazine editor Stefano Tonchi and his art gallery owner beau, David Maupin. The longtime couple is rumored to be getting married Friday in Massachusetts, one of the five states where same-sex marriage is recognized in the U.S. They’ve been together for 25 years and are reportedly expecting twins through a surrogate. Just imagine how fashionable those baby clothes will be!

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry seemed like the perfect couple: Tall and gorgeous, they kept their romance under the radar, and had a beautiful baby to boot.  But their split has allowed ugliness to rear its end, and accusations are flying fast and furious. Sources have been saying her model ex, who is white, once used a racial epithet against Halle, and that there are “serious concerns for her daughter’s well-being while with him.” Halle was also rumored to be upset he immediately jumped into a relationship with Kim Kardashian, and didn’t want her daughter Nahla to be anywhere near the reality star’s omnipresent TV cameras. Gabriel’s friends, meanwhile, are striking back, saying they pity the star for the low blows, and that he’s a “loving father.” Let’s hope nasty voicemails will not surface out of this.

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Another beauty is off the market. Kate Moss is engaged to Jamie Hince, guitarist for The Kills, whom she met in 2007. Watch out for their wedding in July—Kate’s already saying (jokingly, we think…) that she’s the most famous Kate to be married in 2011. She has one child, an 8-year-old daughter, from a previous relationship.

It looks like Kim Kardashian’s tears over her nude spread for W magazine were as fake as the airbrushed cover. Kim started sobbing on her new show Kourtney and Kim Take New York after seeing the nipple shots for the glossy’s Art issue, calling them “full-on porn.” But wait, a change of heart! “Looking back, I love the photos,” she says now, calling them “beautiful.” “W Magazine is iconic so I’m really happy that I did it and that those are the photos.” As long as that’s all cleared up.

Let it be known: American Idol isn’t above creating a ruckus for ratings. Earlier this week, they leaked that the show’s producers would apologize on Thursday for judge Steven Tyler’s “outrageous” behavior. Did he accost a contestant? Show up drunk? Spit out a racial slur? Not exactly. The apology was for Steven insinuating a contestant’s last name of “Muck” rhymed with something else. Turns out the apology was fake, anyway. Producer Nigel Lythgoe tweeted “Wow, there is a huge lack of humor out there!!” There actually isn’t; we’re all still waiting on the joke.

Nicole Kidman is still talking about her failed marriage to Tom Cruise. Of course, she’s “crazy in love” with husband Keith Urban, but says she was “really damaged” by her divorce from the Mission Impossible star. One thing she didn’t mention: Her rumored anger over her time sucked into Scientology. Some are speculating she named her new baby Sunday Rose for Catholic reasons and to distance herself even further from Tom’s religion.

Could a showdown between Kate Middleton’s parents and Buckingham Palace be in the works? From all accounts, Prince Charles likes the “commoner’s” parents, but now comes rumors they might be trying to cash in on April’s big royal wedding. They own a mail order store for party products, and according to a Facebook post, are preparing to sell British-themed favors just in time for the wedding. The Middletons are trying to avoid the wrath of the Queen, who detests commercialization of the monarchy. Good luck with that.