In a country that has a black president, the NAACP—a black organization—warns that blacks are being disenfranchised? There are currently more than 15 million registered black voters in America—more than ever. So much for their “disenfranchisement.”

Nevertheless, the NAACP fears that America’s black president is in jeopardy. To be fair, with chronic unemployment worse than any time since the Great Depression and Obama gunning to become the most free-spending president ever, he has not exactly channeled Jackie Robinson’s ghost when it comes to representing black “firsts.”

Obama’s dismal results prompted radio show icon Tom Joyner to beg black folks:

Let’s not even deal with the facts right now.

The facts are that Obama has lost his glow in the black community; OK, the American community.

It’s time for the NAACP to whip out the race card and accuse the Republicans of wanting to suppress the minority vote.

A similar charge was waged against the Republicans back in 2008, when America was on the precipice of electing its first half-black president the first time. As USA Today reported:

Benjamin Jealous, who took the helm of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People on Sept. 15, said volunteer lawyers have already been addressing complaints about voter registration problems. On Election Day, lawyers will be sent to the 750 precincts where there has been a history of voter discrimination, Jealous said at the state NAACP convention.

Note: “750 precincts where there has been a history of voter discrimination.” Translation: White areas.

It appears that the NAACP thwarted the conspiracy in time, and Obama was elected. All was good in the world. America had finally elected its seventh black president, but everybody knew this one was black.

Upon Obama’s election Democrats proclaimed that the Republican Party was dead. America had a new messiah, and there was nothing the Republicans could do. Michael Eric Dyson said that Obama brought “sexy brilliance” to the White House. Democrats said things like, “It’s good to finally get a smart president in the White House.” America was now Utopia.

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That euphoria hasn’t lasted long. Obama got a shellacking in 2010 and Congress flipped. What’s amazing is that practically all the members of the Congressional Black Caucus held their seats in virtual runaway races. It was white Congressmen who lost their seats.

Shortly thereafter the CBC (almost all members in good standing with the NAACP) itself began warning Obama about his policies, particularly around jobs, or lack thereof, or something. The NAACP itself was no different, as they were critical of Obama’s ability to create jobs for the black community, and rightfully so.

Obama’s policies have been far worse for black people than Bush’s policies. Black unemployment in 2007 was just over 8%, yet under Obama unemployment in the black community has doubled. If anybody has a reason not to vote for Obama, it’s black people.

Blacks were able to turn out in record numbers and cast the decisive votes for Obama in 2008 because of the Voting Rights Act of 1965, which was sponsored by Everett Dirksen, a Republican. It’s a bit disingenuous for the NAACP to completely ignore this, but it’s certainly understandable when you consider the NAACP’s own voter-fraud scandals.

The NAACP isn’t discussing one of their own who was sent to jail in Mississippi for voter fraud and another NAACP bigwig in Ole Miss who was arrested and jailed on the same charge.

There was no NAACP outcry when ACORN was found to have committed voter fraud all over the country, registering dead or completely fictitious voters as reported in The Wall Street Journal.

Don’t expect the NAACP to send investigators to check out the potential discovery of fraudulent signatures on Obama’s ballot petition.

It seems the NAACP is willing to overlook some kinds of voter disenfranchisement in order to perpetrate the fraud that Republicans are disenfranchising people merely by requiring photo ID for a person to vote. Why, the nerve of some Americans wanting to make sure that dead people and fictitious people aren’t disenfranchising bona fide living citizens! Don’t they care about real democracy?

Kim Kardashian

My grandfather used to say that if you don’t use your brain, you might as well have two asses. A Florida woman who recently decided to get a super-discount butt-enhancement was apparently trying for a third ass.

A nightclub worker, the woman wanted cheap plastic surgery to get a curvier body, which to her meant a bigger butt. She found somebody to do the work: “Look here, girl, I know this tranny who will give you an ass to die for!”

The tranny, Oneal Ron Morris, is a man who says he’s a woman and has been “practicing medicine” for some time now. Oneal was passing himself off as a doctor whose specialty was augmenting the human derriere. Oneal’s technique took “Fix-A-Flat” to a whole new level, as he actually injected the emergency tire-repair product in this woman’s obviously European—ergo flat—ass.

I don’t blame Oneal for all of this, as the woman seeking a new butt at rock-bottom prices must assume some fault here. So do all the other would-be butt-enhancers who came out of the woodworks after the first woman went public complaining about her cement-injected caboose.

Let’s walk through this. Since Oneal had no home, he texts you the location where you show up at his mobile “operating room.” He admits you into the clinic—skipping all those trifles such as checking your blood pressure—and goes right to work, pulling out a can of FIX-A-FLAT!

I think at this point I might have had a question or two about the “procedure.”

“Excuse me, Dr. Tranny…uh, but do you think injecting my butt with Fix-A-Flat is SAFE?! I’m sorry for asking, but should something that is meant to keep polyisoprene operating at 100MPH really be good for MUSCLE? I don’t mean to sound skeptical, but are there any clinical trials that prove this radical new procedure’s efficacy?”

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Dr. Tranny was charging $700, far less than one would pay for a reputable butt-enhancement surgeon. Still, it was a bit less pricey than the foaming-insulation procedure Oneal used for anorexics.

I don’t know much about the tranny world except that they are wonderful at teaching women how to fake us unsuspecting dudes into buying them drinks. I have watched Maury enough to know that I can no longer tell trannies from women, and I have just started guessing the opposite of what my gut tells me. Despite how tricky trannies are these days in fooling me about their gender, I would not go to just any old tranny for plastic surgery of any kind.

All this could have been avoided if this zany tranny had only known about Jamaican chicken pills. Yes, America, rich white women have been frittering away their fortunes to buy plastic-surgery Kardashian butts. The same cosmetic effect could be achieved with the extract from a bird that eats its own doo-doo.

I’d rather take a hundred kicks to the tuchis to get that bubble effect. It couldn’t hurt any worse than what the tranny did.

How many other Fix-A-Flat asses are running around out there? What about lip injections and breast augmentations? Don’t men have enough to worry about without having to wonder when we have to take our women to Jiffy Lube for maintenance?

And what’s with all the fakeness—fake hair, fake nails, fake noses, fake breasts, fake faces, and now fake asses? I know quite a few men who LOVE flat asses. You could iron your clothes on my friend’s wife’s ass, yet he adores her tush. He doesn’t understand how any man could be enamored of a round rump. Personally, I prefer a bit more cushion, but to each his own ass.

But why try life-threatening plastic surgery when somewhere out there lurks a man whose tastes perfectly fit your body shape? There are many men with many tastes for many shapes: Men who like very thin women, very large women, tall, short, and so on. If your hindquarters are super-thin, somewhere in the dating world is a man who craves exactly that.

What most women don’t understand is that ultimately it what’s inside that makes a man desire you for the long haul. He may want your body, but just as that’s superficial, it’s also temporary. Personalities last a lifetime. Better a flat ass than a dull personality.

Gloria Allred

Herman Cain is under attack, so why aren’t the Hollyweirdos flocking to his aid? Why won’t Alec Baldwin stop pimping Capital One credit cards long enough to help a brotha out?

Back when Obama was questioned about his elementary-school transcripts, Hollyweird utopians were outraged. How DARE they question his grades? Don’t they know he’s, like, the smartest guy ever? How racist!

But let a black conservative come under attack, and suddenly the DemocRAT Pack disappear to go save a whale or a baby seal. Anything is better than saving a black conservative. There’s no charity in that.

Black liberal utopians are no better. Harry Belafonte, Samuel L. Jackson, and Morgan Freeman are all suddenly unaware of the grievous insult to Cain. The NAACP is so quiet you can hear a mouse pee on a cotton ball, content to watch a brotha get a straight-up bully beatdown. Meanwhile, the Congressional Black Caucus stands by, waiting for Cain to lose consciousness from the beating so they can take his wallet, remove his watch and wedding ring, and—“Hey, John Lewis, don’t forget to get Cain’s hat!”

If black liberals won’t speak up for Cain, surely liberal women will. If a black man is being accused of sexual harassment, well, race trumps gender. Sorry, ladies. Oh, wait—he’s a conservative, and liberal trumps everything. Sorry, Herman.

NOW concludes that women are as powerful as men—at least liberal women are.

So in this time of tutti-frutti, 32-flavor, NOW-generation, sexual-revolution cross-gendered and cross-dressing bottoms, tops, and otherwise is it even possible to sexually harass?

Are there any pure women on the liberal side any longer? Most appear to be androgynous, if not downright mannish, such as Janet Napolitano, Janet Reno, and Elena Kagan. And what about Hillary Clinton? If it weren’t for Chelsea, there might be a lot more scrutiny on her.

These ladies remind me of a hyena clan: strong, powerful females with the male genitalia to prove it. So why are they suddenly setting the women’s movement back to the 1950s by wilting like flowers in the face of “sexual harassment”? Maybe even NOW knows that the media’s so-called exposés on Cain are ridiculous?

The leftist media certainly didn’t let the lack of substantive facts prevent them from showcasing their lack of journalistic integrity. For them, there was ample evidence; after all, it was a conservative black man taking the heat.

Cain is supposed to have “gotten too close” to a woman or made some woman “feel” that Cain was coming on to her. Damning evidence if I do say so myself. What’s next—“Two Gay Haberdashers Accuse Cain of Sexual Harassment”?

While getting fitted for a suit, Cain reportedly asked for cuffs. The gay tailor felt that Cain was hitting on him. Cain provided the lame excuse that he was talking about cuffs on his pants.

Sexual harassment is situational anyway, isn’t it? For a woman to “feel” sexually harassed depends on how the woman feels about the potential harasser.

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If “zit-face Zohan” asks a woman at work if she wants to have a drink after work, he’s a sexual deviant. But if a Brad Pitt look-alike corners the same woman in the conference room with his manhood exposed and asks the woman out for (wink) a drink, she swoons and tells the whole office how dreamy and intuitive the guy is.

I know this is a stretch, but is it possible that these women wanted to take advantage of a wealthy, powerful man?

What do we know about these women? Nothing. They haven’t been Joe-the-Plumbered and had their lives put under a microscope.

Sharon Bialek, the latest entrant in the Cain Lottery, alleges that he harassed her when she asked him to help her get a job and he requested a different kind of “job” from her as a favor. We can believe her because (1) she hired Gloria Allred as her attorney, and (2) she read her statement just the way Allred wrote it.

Bialek seems to have trouble keeping—and now getting—jobs. That’s unusual for an attractive white woman. She was fired from the National Restaurant Association and nobody wants her now. Bialek’s biggest issue may come when people follow the money.

The Chicago Tribune reports:

Records show she twice has filed for personal bankruptcy, first in 1991 and then again in 2001. In the latter case, she claimed $5,700 in assets and more than $36,000 in liabilities….The IRS filed a tax lien against her in 2009 for nearly $5,200.

Given Bialek’s pattern of filing for bankruptcy every ten years, it looks like she was about due.

Yet another issue is the “coincidence” that Bialek lives in the same building as Obama operative David Axelrod. Asked if she ever sees Axelrod, Bialek said that she sometimes sees him in the gym.

But the Dems may not be the only help Bialek is getting. Karl Rove had the nerve to say that Gloria Allred’s representation adds “credibility” to Bialek’s case, proving that Rove is an equal-opportunity bigot. He will destroy beautiful conservative women and competent conservative black men without discriminating.

Nice touch by the left to attempt to paint Cain as a “seeker of white women,” too. Surely Cain couldn’t resist the black man’s kryptonite? I’m convinced now more than ever that they are afraid of Cain. The left can’t allow those freedmen tainting the black gene pool with sanity.

As in days gone by, leftists say let the lynching begin. No candlelight vigils, however. Don’t expect the left’s usual white-guilt crowd to beg the sheriff into letting this Negro go. Blame it on Cain. Liberals barely glance at the black conservative hanging in the courthouse square. Nothing new to see here.

Muammar Gaddafi

Being a dictator must be an amazing intoxicant.

Given the choice between keeping his throne or living a life of lavish luxury in exile, Muammar Gaddafi chose to stay “in power” and live like a rat. When discovered, he was found in a sewer drain looking very undictatorlike.

That had to be tough for Gaddafi, the man who set the standard for dictator couture. Yet he surrendered all the glitter and glam to remain in Libya until the bitter end, clad in tatters and funkier than a fat man’s drawers.

But Gaddafi gave up more than his coif. He also chose to relinquish his bevy of beautiful babes. Though he had few wives by Muslim standards, Gaddafi was a ladies’ man. His nurse had been a voluptuous blonde Ukrainian woman named Galyna Kolotnytska. Until recently she was at his side 24/7. Kolotnytska abandoned Gaddafi in February when a Ukrainian defense ministry aircraft flew 185 people out of Libya.

Her departure didn’t put a dent in his entourage, as Gaddafi always had gorgeous amazon bodyguards at his side. Can you imagine super-tough runway models surrounding you 24/7? Ladies, can you picture having deadly Chippendale dancers at your beck and call? Having that type of protection should compel the average dictator to retire in luxury. With all that pleasure, who needs power?

Gaddafi’s bodyguards were supposedly required to be virgins, and each would give her life to protect Gaddafi. These women were willing to sacrifice orgasms in order to protect that wrinkly old loon. Yet when Gaddafi was captured, his amazons had vamoosed.

I suspect they were somewhere getting laid, as they realized he was crazy, and they’d better make up for lost time. How do I know he was crazy? Because he hadn’t FLED THE COUNTRY WITH HIS AMAZON WOMEN and his BILLIONS OF DOLLARS!

Gaddafi was warned. But when the insurrection began, he was still hanging on like a hair on a biscuit.

The same is true of Saddam. He had more than enough warning to move mad money into other accounts and set up lavish residences almost anywhere, even if he had to use one of his crazy kids’ names. Yet at the end of his rule, there he was, hiding like a rat in a hole. Saddam went from using gold-plated toilets to copping a squat in the desert sand.

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I don’t know how dictators think, and I would be a sorry dictator, as I can’t even get my dogs to sit longer than a pregnant woman can hold her pee. So far be it from me to get inside a dictator’s head. But can you really become that drunk with power?

What did Gaddafi expect to accomplish by hanging around? The chance of reclaiming his throne at age 80?

Let’s see what’s behind the two doors:

Door #1. Living in exile surrounded by luxury for the rest of my life.

Door #2. Being dragged out of a sewer hole, shot, and having a stick shoved up my butt in public. I also get to have the people I formerly oppressed drag me through the streets ridiculing me, spitting on me, and pummeling the crap out of me.

Tough choice….

America has a lot of Congressmen who act like Third World dictators. Many have held office beyond what should be a reasonable limit and certainly beyond their usefulness. But like Gaddafi, America’s Congressmen believe they can stay for life. The only possible way a Congressman resigns in America is from shame. Even those who we know have committed crimes are rarely sent to jail.

America could learn something from Gaddafi’s undignified end—pardon the pun. Voters may not put Congressmen in fear for their lives for their abuses of power. But there has to be something we could do to keep them in check.

Anybody got a STICK?

President Barack Obama

From Bono the rock star to Bozo the clown, Obama is polling lower than the teats on a pregnant weenie dog. Obama has been relegated to speaking at high schools and fire stations.

His recent bus tour arrived at the first stop in the formerly red-turned-blue state of North Carolina, where Obama was greeted by nearly 200 adoring fans. Michelle travels with a larger entourage than this.

Subtract the “undisclosed number” of Secret Service agents, plainclothes operatives, various man-servants, then add in local law enforcement, paid union members, and Central Casting extras, and you get about 12 people who actually caught Obama’s act at any given location on the tour. Why didn’t he just Skype the tour from his CrackBerry?

What happened to the sold-out venues, the fawning “Obama Girls,” and other regressive Utopians who felt that Obama would make heaven of Earth? The gilded crowd is vacationing in St. Mortiz, while others take “staycations” to dig their 2012 sub-Utopian rat holes.

Most conservatives knew that Obama’s fall was coming, and I feel a sense of déjà vu telling you what I reported a few months back, that Obama’s crowds have been shrinking like post-lactation breasts.

As this tour proves, Obama’s audiences continue to shrink, not drawing enough of a crowd to throw a decent backyard barbecue or a beer fest. Don’t be surprised if the White House offers incentives (such as SNAP cards) as party favors to pull in a few more zombies.

Obama’s dismal performance has most Americans more broke than the Ten Commandments. Incomes are down dramatically—the most in decades—and that’s for the lucky few who are fortunate to have jobs. Gasoline is a luxury item for those who haven’t hocked their cars to pay for their food and medicine.

For college kids, the old “look to the left, look to the right” no longer is about who will be in your graduating class, but more likely indicates who won’t have jobs when they graduate.

Things are so bad for Obama that even after breaking his so-called jobs plan into “bite-sized pieces” that Republicans can understand, the Democrat-controlled Senate passed on the appetizer.

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Obama’s tour was meant to coincide with Harry Reid getting the bite-sized jobs bill through the Senate. The left was certain that the Occupy Wall Street strategy would pressure the Republicans to fork over more extortion payments. People were supposed to be outraged by now, ready to join Obama in blaming Wall Street fat cats—the “step-on-your-throat” capitalists who would run over their grandmothers to get ahead. The Democrats knew their liberal minions would be all too willing to be the useful idiots, too duped to realize they are pawns in a class-warfare game. The irony is that useful idiots want to be rich, too. The bigger irony is that the OWS movement has become farcical, like looking at the real America in a funhouse mirror. With the OWS movement’s failure, unless Obama finds people in the other “seven states with one left to go,” he will have a large inventory of snake oil left over in the White House basement.

Los Angeles Times reporter Peter Nicholas wrote of Obama’s last tour stop:

…Obama stood at a lectern against a backdrop of firefighters and offered his prescription for solving the persistent jobs crisis: “A fair shot for everybody; a fair share from everybody. That’s the principle that built America.”

How naïve for Obama to say something so silly. Nothing is fair. Conservatives understand this by age five. If life were fair, there would be no ugly people. If life were fair, we could all accomplish nothing, get elected president, and be awarded Nobel Peace Prizes.

America was built on a promise of freedom from a tyrannical king and protection from a tyrannical government. America is a country where a man defines his own status, not has it assigned. America offers opportunity for success and an equal chance to fail.

Nicholas further describes the final Obama stop:

The president got a polite reception from the 100 or so people crowded into the station garage. Early in his speech he mentioned his American Jobs Act. One or two people clapped. “You can go ahead and clap,” the president said. “Go ahead, nothing wrong with it.”

Nobody else clapped, or likely even wanted to, because listening to Obama is like expecting an answer from an answering machine.

Obama likes playing president, but what he really wanted was a paycheck, a cool house for parties, and an unlimited taxpayer-funded vacation package. Being a good president is hard; being an incompetent president is even harder. Obama is so skilled at incompetence, he makes it look easy.

Don’t think for a second that the lack of adoring sycophants will stop Obama from wanting four more years of the perks and the added bonus of tormenting old-school Americans. Thankfully his arrogance and undying support of an insane dogma are the reasons he won’t be reelected. America understands how close to the edge of O-blivion we are. By election time, Obama will be alone in his circus tent, the press not even covering his concession speech.

What will the much-ballyhooed Occupy Wall Street movement do when it’s officially declared to be on life support? If you believe the Los Angeles Times, the OWS movement is going from protest to policy. That’s a nice way to say that the movement is moving from protest to oblivion.

The media is already trying to sell us on why we won’t be hearing anything about this “movement” in a couple of weeks. If you think we will, you’re higher than a giraffe’s naughty bits. Get off the crack pipe!

Occupants are outraged because they can’t convince anybody to foot their bill. The Tea Party formed because America is more broke than the Ten Commandments due to thieves such as the Occupants.

Obama and his liberal cronies have put America in the Greater Depression, with the worst job creation in decades and possibly the worst monetary policy in the history of a non-African nation. Yet Democrats remain “pessimistically optimistic” of their chances for four more years of hope and change.

So what if they lost Ted Kennedy’s seat? Forget the shellacking of 2010. Dismiss the loss of a Congressional seat Democrats had held for 88 years in NY-9. Those were seismic anomalies. The left is not worried, because they have a playbook, and the plays have worked since forever.

The OWS movement—which fell off the stage, got rushed to the emergency room, and is currently at DNC Medical Center ICU, breathing on a ventilator—will save them, they think. But history will not be asking, “What were you doing during the Occupy Wall Street movement?”

Since we read their playbook, in the spirit of fairness I graciously present the Tea Party Playbook. Even if you’re a fake radical, these are real rules that work:

Rule #1: Common ground can’t be on quicksand.

Try to find a set of common core values with the left, and you get a schizophrenic symphony of unintelligible ramblings. To hear them is like being at a United Nations meeting without translators. Leftist splinter groups have little in common except their willingness to accept handouts and their hatred of Sarah Palin.

It must vex the left that when they abandon their pet issues for more than a sound bite, they are left feeling very conservative.

Rule #2: Don’t be a walking, talking contradiction.

Barack Obama is the anti-military, antiwar president. Though he remains the very same man he was before his election, situations in the Oval Office have forced Obama to maintain the military—though it is decidedly more metrosexual—and keep Gitmo open. Even Obama knows that if he were to implement his “US Military Destruction Plan,” he and the rest of the kooky left would be destroyed by the very extremists they wish to protect. So the wars continue and then some, leaving the left to ask, “Is there a Nobel War Prize?”

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Who would have thought that Obama would be fighting more wars than that warmongering George Bush?

Obama is so bad at being Commander in Chief that Republicans have joined Code Pink in asking him to stop the violence. Libya, Barack? Seriously?!

Rule #3: Take your poison, even if it kills you.

How can you have a movement when your supporters run away faster than a bee-stung stallion? Obama’s numerous perceived capitulations have his most ardent supporters fleeing.

Louis Farrakhan rebuked Obama with a stern, “Who the hell do you think you are?” for Obama’s black-on-black cruise-missile drive-by on Libya.

Farrakhan protégé Malik Shabazz recommended that Michelle Obama leave her husband, whom Shabazz had pigeonholed as a hated black conservative, calling him a “shuck and jive n*gga.”

Conservatives stuck with McCain through good and bad. Enough said.

Rule #4: Pandering has payback.

Democrats’ pandering policies have forced many blacks to leave the cities and move to the suburbs. In a few years there may be no more Democratic strongholds. Worse than that, blacks may no longer be subjected to groupthink, as the Congressional Black Caucus may no longer hold dominion over them. Soon liberals will find former black liberals thinking, acting, and voting like conservatives.

True conservatives don’t pander. The answer remains the same each time you ask it.

Rule #5: Never fight a passionate and motivated opponent.

The OWS movement has no loyalty because it lacks passion. Once the novelty wears off, these ’60s retro retreads will return to living off productive citizens until they can access their trust funds.

However, Tea Party conservatives remain as committed as they were in February 2009. We believe in our cause more than liberals can even fathom, more than many establishment Republicans imagined. The left believes the Tea Party is losing steam because they can’t see the big rallies that were prevalent two years ago. As they say in boxing, “It’s the punch you don’t see that knocks you out.”

There you have the five simple rules. I offer OWS this advice: A gallant retreat is better than a bad stance against the Tea Party, which is the greatest political movement of its time.

The left is desperate to have Occupy Wall Street ripple into a movement to challenge the Tea Party. The problem is that this movement’s “Occupants” are as relevant as navel lint.

The Occupants say one reason they need a movement is to go after banks [wink] who may have taken advantage of some of the people who lost their homes. The premise sounds noble and is meant to elicit outrage from mindless drones.

Even though the vast majority of people who got subprime loans knew they really couldn’t afford their homes, I don’t necessarily blame them for taking advantage of the credit loopholes that gave them a chance at ownership. If liberal politicians were willing to provide a shortcut to that small piece of the American Dream, why not give it a shot?

So I blame liberal politicians. They changed the rules to help uncreditworthy folks take a shortcut to their dreams. As with most shortcuts, the relaxed rules led to worse credit and false hope for millions of poor people. Subprime loans did for homeownership what the Hindenburg did for travel. The harsh reality is that your home is not your home until you possess the clear deed; until then you are a renter who gets a tax break.

Don’t expect the Occupants to actually connect the dots and blame Jimmy Carter, a white racist Democrat who got all this started with the Community Reinvestment Act, an attempt to assuage his guilty conscience. Nor will Occupants blame Bill Clinton and ultimately Barack Obama, John Kerry, Barney Frank, and about all other powerful Democrats in office at the time who took bribes to “help the poor.” For Occupants to blame the actual perpetrators would take both brains and brass nuggets, neither of which they possess. But the Tea Party is supposed to fear these nuggetless, brain-dead zombies? Janet Napolitano has a better chance of marrying a Chippendale dancer.

Two weeks ago this movement was a handful of hapless “hope and changers” running on Obama’s Marlboro fumes. Big deal the regressives managed to get their most ignorant base—liberal youth—to join them. Liberal youth aren’t down for the cause. They came because they were told that Radiohead would be playing. Thank God for the liberal elite that wackademia produces stupid liberal kids.

These new-millennium beatniks put down their medical marijuana and Xboxes, crowding into their vans to attend the charade: Dude, I thought you said “parade.”

But just adding the “yoots” was not enough to show the massive numbers the left wanted the Occupants to represent, so onto the next lowest rung on the victimization ladder…minorities.

ACORN got the no-bid contract to provide “people of color” and promptly put out casting calls, running ads on BET.

With the promise of fully loaded SNAP cards, the mocha chocolata yayas took off their house shoes, put on their boots, and came out to march against [insert rich white capitalist organization here].

The Mexicans followed closely behind, responding to ads on Telemundo and Univision that promised amnesty, menial jobs, and an authentic molcajete in every barrio kitchen.

It was said that there were Mexican protesters who couldn’t even read the signs they were holding. And there were non-English-speaking Mexican nationals in attendance as well.

This is not about Wall Street. There is an amazing amount of orchestration in play at Occupy rallies, all in an effort to make us believe that this is a movement—the answer to the Tea Party. I could launch into a litany of reasons why the Occupants are in no way like Tea Party folks, such as the fact that Occupants are funkier than a fat man’s drawers, downright nasty people hygienically speaking. Most of the Occupants look like they got dressed behind a roaring jet engine. Think of the TV show Hoarders morphed with Intervention, and you get an idea of life as an Occupant.

Occupants are as sharp as marbles and the clinical definition of fanatics: They won’t change their minds but won’t change the subject, either. And talk about mean-spirited, with all the sensitivity of a praying mantis. They desire to cause trouble, and they desire to get arrested. Tea Party people can’t afford to get arrested, because we have to work.

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For Nancy Pelosi, the Tea Partiers who have not had a single arrest over two-plus years are dangerous radicals, but she actually asked God to “bless” the Occupants. Doesn’t that violate the left’s belief of separation of church and state?

Tea Partiers represent the best that America has to offer and are in no need of Pelosi’s prayers, which are intercepted and screened by an Obama staffer before getting to the big guy.

Occupants, on the other hand, are indeed in need of real prayer, but by professionals and not Pelosi. Occupants represent America at its worst, as they are the shiftless and lazy thieves among us. Occupants feign solidarity to a common cause to stop Wall Street “greed” as many of them head back to their cushy cars, phat homes, high-paying jobs, and otherwise opulent lifestyles, as lost as last year’s Easter eggs.

Michael Moore claimed at one time that he owned no stock, yet he actually owned a substantial amount of the dreaded Halliburton.

Russell Simmons is a banker of the worst kind! Here is a bit of information on the credit-card services that he advertises will help poor people establish their credit:

A month from now, the Occupy Wall Street movement will be deader than disco, exposed for the fraud that the movement and its Occupants are. Nice try by the lefties to shift the fight and attempt to market faux passion. The Occupy movement didn’t plan on America being at maximum occupancy already.

Janeane Garafolo

Janeane Garofalo likes her politicians like she likes her coffee…black. In her most recent psychotic attempt to help the black achiever Herman Cain, Garofalo ranted:

People like Karl Rove liked to keep the racism very covert. And so Herman Cain provides this great opportunity so that you can say, “Look, this is not a racist, anti-immigrant, anti-female, anti-gay movement. Lookit, we have a black man!”

Lookit we have a black man!? Cain is a black man with a bachelor’s degree in mathematics and a master’s degree in computer science, a black man who worked as a mathematician for the Navy specializing in missile ballistics.

Cain is a black man who took charge of Pillsbury’s poorest performing 400 Burger King restaurants in the Philadelphia area and in three years turned them into the company’s best performers. Cain is a black man who made the almost-bankrupt Godfather’s Pizza profitable in 14 months.

Cain is a black man who became an adviser to the Federal Reserve on monetary policy affecting business and finished his corporate career as chairman of a regional Federal Reserve Bank—one small step from running America’s most powerful banking system.

Why would the Republicans possibly support a black guy with Cain’s credentials? He’s far too qualified to be president. According to Garofalo, Herman Cain is a token but too stupid to recognize it. If only Cain were an unqualified metrosexual man of questionable African descent, the Republicans would have hit the trifecta!

Consider Garofalo’s statement regarding liberal women:

We’re our own worst enemies a lot of the time, but I still blame men.

She might as well have said, “Democrats are our own worst enemies, but I still blame Republicans.”

Garofalo knows she is demented; to her credit, she admitted in a 2003 interview that she had “overcome a sobriety problem with alcohol.” If you were Janeane Garofalo, would you want to deal with yourself sober?

Garofalo looks for darkness. She told an interviewer:

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things.

Garofalo seems fixated on dark politicians. When she is not “helping” America’s first dark—well, or at least semi-dark—president, she’s counseling a fully dark presidential candidate. As Garofalo warned, “You get pigeonholed if you don’t look a certain way.”

Sort of like how liberals pigeonhole black people to be Democrats?

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The roots of Garofalo’s incessant need to help lowly Negroes may be found in Garofalo’s misguided view of America, as she revealed here:

Our country is founded on a sham…our forefathers were slave-owning rich white guys who wanted it their way. So when I see the American flag, I go, “Oh my God, you’re insulting me.”

America’s Founding Fathers. Those self-indulgent rich white slave owners had the nerve to actually attempt eliminating slavery in Article 1 Section 9 of the Constitution, which disallowed the importation of slaves after Jan 1, 1808. For Garofalo the preamble reads, “We the people—but not black people….”

Those creative Democrats got around that little constitutional “importation” verbiage with a technicality: They made slaves of slave’s children.

How’s that for progressive thinking? This creative thinking is a major cause of the Civil War. But don’t let me interrupt Garofalo’s delusions with the FACTS!

Here is another piece of history that might shock Garofalo: In 1654, black slave John Casor sought freedom from Anthony Johnson, a black slave owner—the first official slave owner in America. Uh-oh…the dirty little secret revealed.

Casor had fought to gain his freedom from Johnson, saying that he was an indentured servant being kept beyond his term of servitude by Johnson and that he was not a slave.

A Northampton court ruled against him, and thus Casor became the first person to be declared a “slave for life.”

You know that all-white Northampton court was conflicted. Either way they ruled, a black man would benefit. Or as Garofalo would believe, either way the court ruled, a black man got “railroaded by ‘the man.’”

Slave for life. A progressive concept started by a progressive black man, propagated by a group of progressive white men.

It should come as no surprise that Garofalo named her production company “I Hate Myself Productions.” That name might explain why Garofalo enjoys “helping” black people so much, as she brings such a positive attitude. As Cleavon Little said in Blazing Saddles, “Hey, where are da white women at?”

Garofalo craves relevance, but she doesn’t know who or what she is. Garofalo is the one thing for sure: the worst kind of racist, delusional enough to believe she is better than black people. What would an accomplished black man like Herman Cain do without Janeane “Guardian of the Lowly Negro” Garofalo?

Barack Obama with the Congressional Black Caucus

The Congressional Black Caucus found out that if you’re gonna cuss the boss, first you’d better saddle your horse. They threw Obama a campaign party and Obama made it a roast…of the CBC!

Obama saw his window of opportunity and threw a brick through it. Sounding like a black Southern Baptist minister, Obama lectured the CBC, essentially calling them a bunch of bellyaching babies, when he said:

Stop crying….I don’t have time to feel sorry for myself. I don’t have time to complain, I’m gon’ press on. I expect all of you to march with me and press on.

It is clear that Obama expects blind faith from black liberals. There will be no defections. E’rybo’y must press on.

Obama took his shellacking in 2010, while the CBC came out unscathed. The CBC retained all their Congressional seats. Next Obama lost the NY-9 Congressional seat that had been held by Democrats for 88 years. In both cases Obama was left twisting alone in the wind. That’s what elections are for.

While Obama was reviving the new and improved strategy of “Spend Our Way Out of Debt II,” CBC Chairman Emanuel Cleaver (D-MO) offered only token love, saying that if Obama were not black, the Congressional Black Caucus would have “marched on the White House.”

The CBC is about as handy as a golf club in a tennis match, which is why they expected Obama to create jobs for black people, to pay black people’s bills, and to redistribute the wealth to black people, for goodness’ sake. Obama proved useless toward these ends.

In an article titled “The Paradox of Hope,” Gary Younge speaks on Obama’s impact on blacks since his election:

But for all the ways black America has felt better about itself and looked better to others, it has not actually fared better. In fact, it has been doing worse. The economic gap between black and white has grown since Obama took power. Under his tenure black unemployment, poverty, and foreclosures are at their highest levels for at least a decade.

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Millions of black kids may well aspire to the presidency now that a black man is in the White House. But such a trajectory is less likely for them now than it was under Bush. Herein lies what is at best a paradox and at worst a contradiction within Obama’s core base of support. The very group most likely to support him—black Americans—is the same group that is doing worse under him.

That’s gotta hurt. Black people were better off under the supposedly stupid white president? Holy ghost of Ronald Reagan!

To the CBC’s chagrin, Obama didn’t deliver his typical “feel good” speech—one of those orations that sounds good but commits to nothing. Obama was supposed to blame Bush. Tell America that it was the obstructionist Republicans’ fault. Tell them he needs more time or that the Tea Party is racist. You know…the usual memes.

But Obama told the CBC to man up! “Take off your bedroom slippers, put on your marching shoes…shake it off.”

Obama must have been thinking:

It’s not all my fault, and don’t make me call you Negroes out. Who’s been “leading” black people the longest? Remember, CBC, I inherited your mess!

The CBC has been responsible for black jobs—or the lack thereof—for decades, so why are black people’s problems suddenly all Obama’s fault? And Obama picked this fight on the CBC’s turf. How significant is that? He peed in their Kool-Aid, then made them drink it.

Obama is determined not to be the black community’s fall guy, and he all but dared the CBC to do something. And Maxine Waters, who earlier this year asked her constituents for permission to go after Obama, obviously got the message.

On CBS’ The Early Show, Waters commented:

I don’t know who he was talking to because we’re certainly not complaining. We’re working. We support him, and we’re protecting that base because we want people to be enthusiastic about him when that election rolls around.

We are witnessing firsthand the open fear on the left. They are more scared than a Chihuahua passing a peach pit. If you think it’s bad now, hang in there. By election time, the CBC and Obama will go together like a pierced tongue and dentures.