I have a question for MAGA following Trump’s blowout victory against a cackling cretinous curry-stained flesh-and-blood Thalia mask: How could it have happened? According to the rule you’ve lived by for four years, a rule that made you storm the Capitol, assault cops, destroy property, and, in ...
Our long national nightmare is over. Or is it just starting? I’m writing this at 5 a.m. on the 6th. A few postelection notes; nothing heavy. Angel George Floyd earns his hot wings Thanks to the fentanyl-fueled check kite-flyer, the Dems forced Biden to choose a black woman for his VP in 2020. ...
Having a column that runs Monday/Tuesday means I’m forever doomed to post the evening before/day of elections. And today? You’re on edge. Everyone is. So I’ll take my cue from Sting, January 19, 1991. He had the unenviable task of hosting SNL right as the Desert Storm ground offensive began ...
Remember Charles Rothenberg? Hopefully not, as it’s a most unpleasant memory. In the early 1980s, Rothenberg was locked in a bitter custody dispute with his wife, Marie, over their 6-year-old son David. Charles and Marie lived in New York. Rothenberg had visitation rights, but he was convinced ...
You think I enjoy talking about Hitler? Like, I have some bizarre fetish for the guy? Believe me, it annoys me as much as it does you. I’m fatigued by it. But, for better or worse (spoiler: worse), we’re neck-deep in Hitler this election, with a half-dozen GOP candidates (not fringies but ...
Sometimes it’s beneficial to break down a bad argument. To dissect it, deconstruct it, disassemble it. Get to the heart of why it stinks. To put it more crassly, a dog turd looks bad enough on your front lawn. But bring it in the house, chop it up, examine it under a microscope? It looks much ...
Years ago I wrote about how, among “race realists,” there are essentially two extremes: David Duke and Jared Taylor. Team black and team Jew. To paraphrase the Taylor position (and I stress that I’m paraphrasing here; my friend Jared is far more erudite than I): “Jews are white. Yes, they ...
I see the coming election not so much as a contest between Trump and Harris (wacklemore vs. cacklemore), but rather as a test of theories. The Darren Beattie Theory: What matters in an election isn’t issues. Fuck issues. Voters prefer to mindlessly worship a charismatic leader who says batty ...
Trump’s been called “Hitler” for, what, nine years now? And always unfairly. Even with the dude’s many (many) faults, he’s not Hitler. And in my nine years of covering Trump in this column, I’ve always been quick to slam the Hitler analogies. Well, congratulations, J.D. Vance, for ...
If occasionally my columns seem to wander, it’s because sometimes the story itself wanders. A columnist can write by-the-numbers drivel (see Townhall), or he can take you on a journey, like a delicate water lily swept along by a river lazy yet purposeful. Damn, I’m getting faggoty in my old ...
