Joe Bob Briggs

Joe Bob Briggs

Joe Bob Briggs is the drive-in movie critic of Grapevine, Texas, currently resident in New York City, where his pop culture commentary appears in print, on television and at various dive bars that defy the modern world by allowing the smoking of cigars.


Cultural Caviar

It’s 5 a.m. for Burt Reynolds

Sep 14 2018

LITTLE ROCK, Ark.—If you party hard enough in Little Rock, you eventually end up at a converted warehouse deep down in the Arkansas River bottoms

Cultural Caviar

Amateur Gossip Columnists Roaming Amongst Us

Sep 06 2018

NEW YORK—So I’m riding the downtown E train somewhere between 34th and 4th when one of New York’s mentally deranged performance artists starts reading loudly

Cultural Caviar

Zero Tolerance for Zero Tolerance

Aug 30 2018

NEW YORK—I have zero tolerance for anybody who keeps saying “zero tolerance.” You see it on signs at bars. You see it on signs at

Commerce

500 Million Lazy Environmentalists

Aug 23 2018

NEW YORK—Okay, since there are 500 million plastic straws used every day, we need to stop using plastic straws. Wait. What? First of all, if

Cultural Caviar

Fly BDSM

Aug 16 2018

CHARLOTTE, N.C.—For those of you who are new to BDSM, let me explain a few of the basics. The letters BDSM stand for Bondage Discipline

Cultural Caviar

The Fake “Fake News” T-Shirt Story Perpetrated by Fake News Fakers

Aug 09 2018

NEW YORK—So I have to admit, I’m one of the people who would wear the “Fake News” T-shirt that was on sale at the Newseum

Commerce

Joseph-Siffred Duplessis portrait of Benjamin Franklin

Hundred-Dollar Bills Make Me Nervous

Aug 02 2018

NEW YORK—So I’m standing behind a guy at the drugstore who says, “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything smaller,” and he pulls out a roll

Cultural Caviar

Probiotics: Here, Drink Some Gut Slime

Jul 26 2018

NEW YORK—Is probiotic a real word or did somebody make that up just to be a smart-ass? I mean, antibiotics I understand—pesticides for the body,

Cultural Caviar

Breaking the Internet

Jul 19 2018

DALLAS—I started getting panicked messages around 8:30 Friday night. “Joe Bob, I can’t get in. I think my computer is fried.” “Joe Bob, WHAT THE

Cultural Caviar

The Loneliness of the Cord Cutter

Jul 12 2018

DALLAS—There’s a theater in the little Greek town of Epidaurus that seats 14,000 people. It has perfect acoustics. It’s where people gather to tell stories,

Joe Bob's America

Heckle Nation

Jul 05 2018

Back in the ’80s I worked comedy clubs, and, depending on the night, the venue, the crowd, and the level of alcohol consumption, you could

Cultural Caviar

Donnie and Jong Un, BFFs

Jul 01 2018

SupremeCommanderDude: Hey, you up? What time is it there? The sun already saluted me three times today. AwesomeHillaryKiller: The Jongster! Just thinking about ya. SupremeCommanderDude:

Joe Bob's America

One California Is Enough

Jun 28 2018

NEW YORK—This November, California is gonna vote on dividing itself into three states. That doesn’t go nearly far enough, in my opinion. I would encourage

Cultural Caviar

Last Judgement by Fra Angelico

Pope Forgets the Lake of Fire

Jun 21 2018

NEW YORK—Pope Francis was chatting with a flamboyant Italian journalist named Eugenio Scalfari several months ago, and in the course of chewing over the eternal

Cultural Caviar

Torch Those Bikinis!

Jun 14 2018

NEW YORK—I don’t know about you, but I’m circling my calendar and stocking whiskey for the night of September 10, when ABC will go prime-time

Cultural Caviar

Falcon 7X

God Apparently Flies First Class

Jun 07 2018

MARSHALL, Tex.—The most frightening thing about Jesse Duplantis is that I think he truly believes what he’s saying. I mean, at some deep, deep level,

Commerce

“Hey, Look, I’m Driving a Giant iPhone!”

May 31 2018

NEW YORK—Question: How can you tell the difference between Elon Musk and an ordinary Tesla owner? Answer: Elon Musk will eventually stop talking about his

Cultural Caviar

My Name Is Joe Bob, and I’m an English Major

May 24 2018

JUPITER, Fla.—I feel like I need to confess my addiction, like a newbie in a 12-step program. My name is Joe Bob, and I’m an

Cultural Caviar

Buffalo Bill

The Gloom and Doom Generation

May 17 2018

WEST ORANGE, N.J.—When I was a young man, and the editor, or the producer, or the executive, would tell me that he was about to

Joe Bob's America

THESE Are Mueller’s Questions?

May 10 2018

PORT ORCHARD, Wash.—So, yeah, it’s kind of obvious why Robert Mueller’s “secret questions that he wants to ask Trump” got leaked to the New York

Cultural Caviar

Hunter S. Thompson

Why It Was So Easy to Nuke the White House Media Stuffed-Shirt Dinner

May 03 2018

NEW YORK—Leave it to a bunch of self-important self-righteous self-serious journalists to miss the whole point. (That’s what they call themselves. They prefer the French

Cultural Caviar

Yo! Gwyneth! Shut Up!

Apr 26 2018

NEW YORK—Several hundred emails pour in each week asking me about the Joe Bob Wellness Regimen. People wanna know, “How do you do it, Joe

Commerce

Scott Pruitt

Reviewing the Plots Against the Clean Water/Clean Air Guy

Apr 19 2018

NEW YORK—At first I was just like everyone else. Why would Scott Pruitt, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency, need twelve extra highly trained

Commerce

San Francisco Hugs a Possum

Apr 12 2018

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn.—Just when those New Zealand possum jackets started to take off, San Francisco had to go and ban fur. Actually, they didn’t ban all

Cultural Caviar

I’m a Terrible Person

Apr 05 2018

STAUNTON, Va.—I just recently realized that I’m a miserable selfish tone-deaf insensitive creep. Why didn’t I see this before? All those years of reading the

Joe Bob's America

Just How Naive Is Robert Mueller?

Mar 29 2018

NEW YORK—I’ve been reading this indictment of the thirteen people who supposedly disrupted the 2016 election. Are you kidding me? These are intelligence agents. I