John Zmirak

John Zmirak

Dr. John Zmirak is editor of a series of guides to American higher education, and author of four books: one on economics, two humorous guides to Catholic doctrine and devotions, and the blank-verse graphic novel, The Grand Inquisitor. He teaches writing in New Hampshire.


Bizarro World

The Amazing Catholic Bullshit Generator

The Amazing Catholic Bullshit Generator

Apr 20 2009

This is the kind of article one writes with Kinky Friedman blasting in the background, and that's how it is meant to be read. Otherwise,

Christendom

Resurrecting Our Nation

Resurrecting Our Nation

Apr 12 2009

As Christians around the world wait by the tomb, reenacting the vigil of the Blessed Virgin and the Apostles, we do our best to replicate

Uncategorized

Abortion and Abolition

Abortion and Abolition

Mar 26 2009

In a recent column for InsideCatholic.com, the generally admirable Catholic politician Lew Lehrman makes the case for invoking the Abolitionist movement as the historic precedent

Uncategorized

The Anti-Catholic Backlash”€”Do We Deserve It?

The Anti-Catholic Backlash”€”Do We Deserve It?

Mar 19 2009

What would we think if the legislature in one of America's most highly educated states, Connecticut, were debating a law that forced Orthodox synagogues to

National Bankruptcy

The Fable of the Drones

The Fable of the Drones

Mar 08 2009

In Mandeville's infamous "€œFable of the Bees,"€ that witty writer makes the case that private vices generate public virtues. Specifically, he argues that the craving

War

The Pentagon is a Money Toilet

The Pentagon is a Money Toilet

Feb 27 2009

Back in January I threatened to inflict on Takimag readers a series of articles on how to convince patriotic conservatives that it's time for America

Neocons

Remembering the Smoothies

Remembering the Smoothies

Feb 22 2009

As Charles Stuart is reported to have said when he returned to England after decades of exile, to restore the British monarchy and reign as

War

Cut the Pentagon “€˜Till It’s a Triangle (Part I)

Cut the Pentagon “€˜Till It’s a Triangle (Part I)

Jan 07 2009

I don’t envy Barak Obama. Nor do I pity him. The man should have been more careful what he wished for. As a recent report

Torture

The Year of the Pinata

The Year of the Pinata

Jan 01 2009

After a year as bad as 2008, trying to imagine what God’s permissive will—or incipient wrath—has in store for us this year seems almost churlish,

Bizarro World

The Black Comedy of Kwanzaa

The Black Comedy of Kwanzaa

Dec 27 2008

As we clear away all the wrapping paper and wonder how long to leave up the decorations, the deeper meaning of the season easily eludes

Uncategorized

Put Virtue on Your Visa”€”Why Did Christians Go on a No-Money-Down, High-Interest  Shopping Spree?

Put Virtue on Your Visa”€”Why Did Christians Go on a No-Money-Down, High-Interest Shopping Spree?

Dec 24 2008

People say that the best cure for a hangover is a hair of the dog that bit you. The people who say that are typically

Life

The Grinch Who Stole Festivus

The Grinch Who Stole Festivus

Dec 18 2008

We’ve had so much grim news since Christmas past, The flourishing of Takimag is one of the few bits of tangible good news to which

Life

Meditations for Santaclaustide

Meditations for Santaclaustide

Dec 12 2008

Tough times bring out the best in us, as people like to say.  People say a lot of things.  From my personal experience, mankind responds

Economy

America: A Pyramid of Ostriches

America: A Pyramid of Ostriches

Dec 06 2008

I used to answer friends who told me something I’d said was tasteless (and they were right) with a quip like, “If you can’t joke

Neocons

The Stab in the Back

The Stab in the Back

Nov 27 2008

In the frantic post-election scramble for a plausible narrative of How Things Went So Wrong, we see the outlines of the future battle for what’s

Zeitgeist

Men Are Bottle Rockets; Women are Cuckoo Clocks

Men Are Bottle Rockets; Women are Cuckoo Clocks

Nov 20 2008

I’m working on too many speculative projects—and putting off the one that I’m sure would sell the best. Since I fear I’ll never get around

Home Front

My Dates with Doom

My Dates with Doom

Nov 15 2008

I don"€™t know if it's my reckless, Napoleonic march into middle age, or the decline of our infrastructure, but with each trip I feel more

Manhunt

Want Change? Start with Your Underwear.

Want Change? Start with Your Underwear.

Nov 06 2008

Professional comics have an old saw that says, “Never go on after a kid or an animal.” But this week I have no choice. America’s

Conservatism

Open Hart Surgery

Open Hart Surgery

Nov 01 2008

More tragic than the rubble of a raped and looted city, than the cancer-ridden face we knew when it was lovely, is the crumbling of

Endorsement

Nicholas II for Tsar

Nicholas II for Tsar

Oct 28 2008

On February 25, 1917, Russian soldiers serving Tsar Nicholas II in St. Petersburg faced a choice. On November 4, 2008, Americans voters will stand in

Diversity

The Tulip Menace

The Tulip Menace

Oct 24 2008

Some readers have taken time to complain that they"€™ve detected self-referential material and personal anecdotes in my autobiographical humor columns. Week after week, they slog

Zeitgeist

Friends Whom I Dislike

Friends Whom I Dislike

Oct 17 2008

It's funny to see John McCain realize, so late in the game, that he really does want to be president"€”even more than he wants the

Uncategorized

Surrender Not Unto Caesar”€”Resisting Catholic Liberalism

Surrender Not Unto Caesar”€”Resisting Catholic Liberalism

Oct 16 2008

On a number of literally life and death issues, American conservatives and Catholics stand in a firm alliance. On other subjects, these groups pull in

Love Life

Beware the Penitent Gadarene

Beware the Penitent Gadarene

Oct 09 2008

Last week’s column I managed to offend a fair swathe of my audience by using an acronym I didn’t make up in reference to the

Manhunt

Cosmetologist at a Hog Farm

Cosmetologist at a Hog Farm

Oct 03 2008

Okay, I tried to watch it. Tried really, really hard. I made a phone date with my long-distance love to view the debate “together.” I

Bizarro World

Sadomasochist Nation

Sadomasochist Nation

Sep 26 2008

When the Soviet Union collapsed, it seemed for 20 minutes or so that America might revert from being a crusade back into a country. For