Cultural Caviar

Why, Oh Why is Iowa so Iowhite?

January 07, 2012

Multiple Pages
Why, Oh Why is Iowa so Iowhite?

On New Year’s Day, NBC honking head Andrea Mitchell tried making America hip to the Hawkeye State’s unforgivable lack of hipness:

The rap on Iowa: it doesn’t represent the rest of the country—too white, too evangelical, too rural.

This isn’t the first time Ms. Mitchell—presumably a reporter rather than some wacked-out urban-supremacist sockpuppet—has made such a statement. In 2008 she chuckled while wondering why Barack Obama would bother to campaign in Southwest Virginia:

This is real [laughs] redneck, sort of, um, bordering on Appalachia country.

Mitchell’s recent comments about Iowa echo those made by New York Times publisher Arthur “Pinch” Sulzberger in a December 17 column:

Iowa has long been criticized as too much of an outlier to be permanently endowed such an outsize influence in shaping the presidential field. Too small, critics say. Too rural. Too white.

“Maybe they really mean it’s too German.”

Iowa ranks 26th in the USA for area and 30th for population, so rather than being “too small,” it’s pretty average. We’re also not sure what’s meant by “too rural,” but it apparently means that 61% urban simply isn’t urban enough for snooty coast-huggers such as Sulzberger and Mitchell. And the Washington Examiner recently cited a Pew survey pegging Iowa as slightly less evangelical than the national norm. So in truth, Iowa isn’t all that freakishly small, evangelical, or rural.

Which leaves us with “too white.”

While Mitchell and Sulzberger were careful not to call Iowa “too white” themselves—they used such responsibility-deflecting phrases as “the rap on” and “critics say”—we’ve yet to see them depict Mississippi as “too black” or the relatively tiny isle of Manhattan—where, as luck would have it, Sulzberger, Mitchell, and her husband, ex-Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan were all born—as being too, you know, “Armenian” or whatever.

This ain’t to say that Iowa ain’t white. The state is currently around 91% white—not terribly different than America as a whole was in 1960. But by modern standards, it’s now a little extra-white. Compared to the current national average (63.7% in 2010) Iowa is roughly “over-white” to the same degree that New York City is “under-white” (33% in 2010).

Washington Post writer Courtland Milloy—a black man whose skin tone is somewhat over-white compared to the national Black Mean Hue, not that we ever notice such things—recently found Iowa to be far too white for his tastes:

I noticed that nearly everybody was white: white people smiling over coffee, white people applauding at candidate forums, white people singing praise songs at church.

Why, it sounds like the apocalypse!

On the opposite end of the Terror Spectrum are those who make it clear they think the state’s too white by roving in packs and beating the hell out of people at the Iowa State Fair.

But as we’ve been repeatedly lectured, we live in a post-racial society, so the possibility that certain elements of the overwhelmingly urban-based mainstream media have some sort of “anti-white, anti-rural” agenda is a laughable notion that only retarded toothless inbred pale-skinned ghostfaced crackers who live in the boondocks would ever believe.

Obviously we can’t trust anyone in the media to say what they actually mean, so when they say Iowa is “too white,” we must assume that they are speaking in code.

Maybe they really mean it’s too German.

Maybe they secretly mean it’s a very safe place where there can be massive flooding without massive rioting. Maybe they mean it was recently rated the eighth-safest state and the sixth-best state in which to live. Or maybe not, because then they’d have to concede that the states rated as even better and safer—places such as New Hampshire, Vermont, Maine, the Dakotas, and Wyoming—were themselves almost unconscionably white.

Maybe they want people to know about Iowa’s economy. It has one of the nation’s lowest unemployment rates, and the few states with even lower rates are, well, mighty-tighty-whitey themselves. Comparing income to the cost of living, sweet li’l Des Moines is the USA’s richest urban area.

Maybe they feel that Iowa has been unfairly stereotyped as a breeding ground of superstitious illiterate cornfield bumpkins. In reality, Iowa has been one of the most literate states in America for 100 years and running. Iowa students are said to “consistently lead the nation in standardized achievement-test scores.” A government website claims that 93 percent of Iowa’s schools perform above the national average. Iowa ranks third when it comes to libraries per resident. It also has one of the nation’s lowest high-school-dropout rates. To be fair, not all of Iowa’s schools perform so well. To be fairer, these schools tend to be in areas that few would describe as “too white.”

So when they say Iowa is “too white,” what they really mean is that it’s too safe, too economically stable, and far too literate to adequately represent mainstream America—especially the “mainstream America” they have planned for us.

We agree. Iowa is definitely too white.


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