Oy Vey!

Weiner the Wanker

June 14, 2013

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Weiner the Wanker

I despise Anthony Weiner, and not just because he is protected by pals at The New York Times. All one has to do is look at this hideous freak and suddenly all the world’s lasciviousness seems brought into stark relief. But there are lessons to be learned from his errors.

In any candid discussion of whitewashes and Washington, Weiner’s wankerism says less about Republicans and Democrats than about men and women.

Weiner’s worries began when he married outside his gene pool. Does this mean mixed-race marriages never work? No. However, we are all embedded with DNA to prefer our own. Casting against type means you are already swimming upstream.

“Not content to be a temporary laughingstock, he wants to be a permanent joke.”

Look at the girls we know he texted. Most don’t resemble his wife. This is primitive nature coming out.

Another error Weiner made was marrying for powerThus not only did Weiner go against blood, he did so for positioning. If you mate solely for prestige or politics you should not be surprised if you cannot later control your natural urges.

Weiner was mostly working suburban high-school and college girls. Could he have targeted a less discreet cross-section of females? I do not judge infidelity unless it’s embarked upon with stupidity. If you want to cheat, at least choose someone who won’t immediately use the information to update their Facebook profile.

Even more recklessly, he was texting from his Congressional office using government resources. Weiner is not exactly poverty-stricken. Why didn’t he purchase private equipment? Was his career worth less than $650 in Best Buy bills? A thrifty Weiner seems to have thought so. Cheating is expensive (even absent a divorce), so don’t use cut-rate motels or buy condoms on sale. Pay extra for a disposable phone and laptop to ensure your anonymity.

In his first round of denials, Weiner railed against humorous associations of his surname. The second time I already knew he was lying. The fiftieth time everyone else knew it, too. There is a reason “The lady doth protest too much, methinks” is one of the most often paraphrased lines in literature. So if you’re caught, don’t get cute about it; admit or deny—once—and refuse to speak of it again.

Worse is what he wrote to these girls. Is this the modern language of seduction? If so, it’s a long fall from climbing up balconies with a rose between the teeth. There used to be a certain charm to assignations, but this world’s Weiners make everything sordid.


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