The Week’s Most Treacherous, Lecherous, and Obstreperous Headlines
PICKING AT SCABS IN NORTHERN IRELAND
The Police Service of Northern Ireland arrested Sinn Féin president and suspected former IRA bigwig Gerry Adams on April 30 and held him for questioning about the 1972 abduction, torture, and murder of Jean McConville.
McConville, a mother of 10 who was accused of being an informant for British loyalists, is perhaps the most famous of the 16 people known as “the Disappeared” whom the IRA shot and buried during the “Troubles” that supposedly ended with 1998’s Good Friday peace accord.
The arrest was spurred as a result of oral testimony implicating Adams in tapes made by Boston College that were sealed and confidential but which Irish authorities were able to obtain through legal maneuvering in USA courts.
Irish republicans are calling the arrest politically motivated, since Ireland’s local elections are scheduled for May 23 and Sinn Féin was expected to perform well. They claim that there is ample evidence of collusion and murder by British soldiers and loyalists yet no one is being arrested.
Adams’s supporters have spoken of a “growing anger” regarding his arrest and that it has caused a “tense and potentially quite dangerous” situation that may subvert the nation’s apparently never-ending “peace process.” They compare him to Nelson Mandela, while loyalists suggest that Osama bin Laden is a better analogy.
SLOWLY CHOKING FREE SPEECH TO DEATH
A proposal currently before the US Congress called the “Hate Crime Reporting Act of 2014” would require the National Telecommunications and Information Administration to
analyze information on the use of telecommunications, including the Internet, broadcast television and radio, cable television, public access television, commercial mobile services, and other electronic media, to advocate and encourage violent acts and the commission of crimes of hate…[and] include any recommendations…necessary to address such use of telecommunications….
There’s absolutely nothing vague, ominous, chilling, or totalitarian about that.
The Southern Poverty Law Center, America’s chief enabler of hate-crime legislation and primary propagandists of the delusion that “hate crimes” are a national epidemic, is now pointing its lances at Web giants Amazon and PayPal, urging them to disgorge 91 “hate groups” that sell their wares on Amazon and receive contributions through PayPal. As is always the case with leftist newspeak, a “hate group” is anyone that the left hates, and the SPLC’s enemies list includes such benign organizations as the American Family Association, the Family Research Council, Tea Party Nation, Catholic Family News, and ALIPAC.
Commenting on the steamrolling putsch against any idea that dares to divert from leftist orthodoxy, comedian Rob Schneider—he of such cinematic meisterwerks as Surf Ninjas, The Animal, The Hot Chick, and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry—told a Philadelphia radio host:
Democracies don’t end well. We are sliding very fast towards fascism. It’s an ugly kind of thing. There’s this kind of mob mentality that we have to be careful of….There’s a polarization that’s happening….I do think you look can look at government and go, “Wow, it is out of control now,” and if you do criticize or tend to be not directly along a liberal stand, you can get murdered.
We now forgive you for your films, Rob.
SHARIA COMES TO BRUNEI
The tiny wealthy nation of Brunei, nestled on the giant wild island of Borneo, began implementing sharia law on Thursday. For now, fines and jail time will be doled out to those who become pregnant out of wedlock or endorse religions other than Islam. In a year, thieves and those who drink alcohol will be subject to amputation and whipping. When the law is fully implemented, adulterers, rapists, homosexuals, and anyone who insults Islam will be subject to the death penalty, which can potentially be administered by stoning. “Brunei’s top Islamic scholar” Awang Abdul Aziz emphasizes that punishments will not constitute “indiscriminate cutting or stoning or caning” and that those who wind up with missing fingers, welts on their back, or stoned to death will be served their penalties in a manner that is “just and fair.” Predictably, MSNBC and much of the Western media focused on penalties for gays while mostly ignoring the plight of adulterers and blasphemers.
Globally, Muslims are being violently attacked in Myanmar, India, and Sri Lanka. Domestically, an 18-year-old student in New Jersey has been charged with filing a false police report after allegedly concocting a “fabricated” story that three white men assaulted him and called him an “Islamic terrorist.”
KLAN HOODS FOR CHEESEHEADS
Democratic Wisconsin gubernatorial candidate Brett Hulsey—who in 2012 pleaded no contest to a disorderly conduct charge involving an incident with a nine-year-old boy whom he insists he didn’t “molest”—made a splash by threatening to hand out Klan hoods to state Republicans. He later backed off the threat but claims that Republicans “need to own up to their racism.” Democrats need to own up to the fact that their party, not the Republicans, was historically the party of the KKK. Wisconsin liberals, like most sheltered whites on a blind, quixotic crusade for nebulously defined “racial justice,” also need to own up to the fact that their state is only 6.3% black—less than half the national average. If you’re so fond of blacks, surely you can withstand a few more million of them. Please get a fleet of buses ready to save them from the dozen or so Klan members that still exist in Dixie. Oh, wait—57% of America’s blacks live in Dixie and more are moving there all the time. What are they—masochists?
THE DOWNSIDE OF HAPPY PILLS
A recent study from the Harvard School of Public Health suggests that people under 24 who are prescribed high doses of SSRI pills double their risk of suicidal ideation or behavior.
In 2013, an estimated 53 million prescriptions for antidepressants were issued in England. That is roughly the total number of people in England.
THE PREGNANT LESBIAN POLYGAMISTS OF MASSACHUSETTS
In late April, the New York Post printed an article about a lesbian threesome in Massachusetts—Doll, Kitten, and Brynn Young—who claim they are married and that Kitten is currently with child, which presumably necessitated a sperm donation from a male that was not sexually desirable to any of them. “I had a very traditional upbringing,” explains Kitten, “and marriage had always been an important symbol of commitment for me.” The trio are being called a “throuple”—three people joined together romantically in the manner of a couple—who are potentially paving the way for legalized gay polygamy and possibly state-endorsed sexual unions between humanoids and space aliens. Without a speck of evidence, the Soros-funded brainwashing machine known as Think Progress insists that homosexuality is “an immutable characteristic of one’s identity,” while polygamy is merely a “practice.”
NEANDERTHALS: DEATH THROUGH MISCEGENATION
A new study titled “Neandertal Demise: An Archaeological Analysis of the Modern Human Superiority Complex” argues that contrary to prevailing notions, Neanderthals did not suffer extinction due to cognitive and technological inferiority, but because of inbreeding with “modern humans” who’d entered Europe from Africa. The oft-maligned Neanderthals may thus be the first population on Earth who suffered soft genocide due to the loudly trumpeted glories of multiculturalism.
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