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The Week That Perished

March 05, 2017

NEUTERING THE LANGUAGE IN WALES
Wales is a craggy and blustery country, which makes it all the more tragic that its male citizens are undergoing the same sort of ritual psychic castration that besets nearly all modern Western nations.

At Cardiff Metropolitan University—Sir Richard Burton reportedly ate a powdered donut there once—new guidelines on “Inclusive Language” are taking the “man” out of almost everything.

For example, “best man for the job” should be “best person for the job” and “man-hour” has metastasized into the unforgivably clunky “person-hour.” Your forefathers are dead and should heretofore be referred to as your ancestors and forebears. “Manpower” is now “human resources,” a department which to our knowledge has never employed a man. Your “right-hand man” is now your chief assistant, and sportsmanship is just plain ol’ simple “fairness.”

We urge the formation of a new movement—Males of Wales. Resist. Organize. Show them the true meaning of manpower. Your coastline is too rugged for your nation to turn into another low-T nursery of squalling pajama boys.

DIVERSE MIGRANTS ACCUSED OF SATANIC GANG RITUAL MURDER
According to many accounts, the El Salvadoran street gang MS-13—AKA Mara Salvatrucha—is one of the most flagrantly violent organized criminal enterprises in the world. Authorities in Houston have charged two MS-13 members with aggravated kidnapping and murder for the February 16 satanic ritual killing of a 15-year-old girl known only as “Genesis.” According to police, she accidentally bumped into the gang’s shrine to a satanic saint and paid with her life when one of the gang members said the saint spoke to him and demanded a “soul” in return for the transgression.

Both MS-13 members, 18 and 22, are in the country illegally and help make this country the vibrantly boiling cultural goulash it is.

THREE SOLITARY PEAS SWIMMING IN A BOWL OF SOUP
In a recent interview with Australia’s Herald Sun, a 99-year-old survivor of Stalin’s Holodomor, which two dozen countries recognize as a purposeful act of genocide, recalls his hunger:

I have a vivid recollection of one day going to the station with the school and near the station there was a woman with a child lying on her—both had died….At school we had a little bowl of soup which was served to us—it had like three solitary peas swimming in it—and we were given a tiny little piece of bread to go with this.

For those of you who’ve seen 10,000 Holocaust films but are wondering when they’ll make one about the Holodomor, wonder no longer—Bitter Harvest is currently playing in theaters. It appears to be schlockily romantic, especially given the grim backdrop, but hey, it’s a start.

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