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The Week That Perished

March 05, 2017

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The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Cynical, Inimical, and Rabbinical Headlines

PRESS COVERAGE OF TRUMP: 88% HOSTILE
Because President Donald J. Trump is a realistic and intelligent man, he despises the press. Even though they started this war with him, yet they seem to lack both the honor and the insight to quit—or at least take a time-out to figure why their old tricks no longer work.

A study of Big Three evening newscasts for the first thirty days of Trump’s 1,000-year presidency found that Trump occupied 54% of all airtime on evening news—with 88% of the coverage negative. This is noteworthy because the survey purposely screened out “identified partisans” and focused only on comments by reporters and average citizens. Thus, you have anchors posing as objective journalists but making bitchy comments about “presidential statements divorced from reality” and “President Trump’s false claims.”

We are a tad disappointed at this study’s results. Not until media coverage of Trump is 100% negative will he be living up to his glorious potential.

CHARLES MURRAY SPEECH COMES APART
Charles Murray is a self-identified libertarian author whose 1994 book The Bell Curve spawned 100 “response” books attempting to refute the chapter about racial differences in IQ. These differences are statistically significant and have never been refuted. Murray also wrote Coming Apart (2012), which examines anomie and dysfunction among America’s white working class.

“Not until media coverage of Trump is 100% negative will he be living up to his glorious potential.”

Of course, saying anything short of “white people are evil” is a sure way to cause a near-riot on college campuses these days. So on Thursday afternoon as the lumpy yet genteel Murray attempted to launch into his speech at Middlebury College in the exceedingly white state of Vermont, a scraggly cabal of mostly white students and apparently every living black person in Vermont—yes, all half-dozen of them—stood up, turned their backs to the stage, read some asinine prepared statement, and began their chanting. They started with “Who is the enemy? White supremacy!” but finally settled in on “Charles Murray go away. Racist. Sexist. Anti-gay.” They did this for a solid EIGHTEEN MINUTES while Murray stood flummoxed at the podium until school officials ushered him into a private room where he delivered his speech via livestream.

Murray later tweeted that the students were “seriously scary.”

RACHEL DOLEZAL’S TRANSRACIAL JOURNEY, CONT.
If there is one wigger on earth more entertaining than Shaun “Talcum X”  King, surely it is Rachel Dolezal, the disgraced former president of the Spokane chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. Outed by her white Montana parents—so white by Hollywood standards that they lived on the side of a mountain, spoke in tongues, and wrote “Jesus Christ” as the only other witness on her birth certificate—she has decided over a long, twisted, torturous, painstaking, breathtaking, and hilarious journey that she is, indeed, a black woman. And she doesn’t even care if white people, black people, and trannies all reject her:

There’s no protected class for me. I’m this generic, ambiguous scapegoat for white people to call me a race traitor and take out their hostility on. And I’m a target for anger and pain about white people from the black community. It’s like I am the worst of all these worlds.

Sounds about right, babe.

She is so freaking black, she legally had her name changed to Nkechi Amare Diallo last October. According to one report, Nkechi is short for Nkechinyere, an Igbo word meaning “gift of god.” We prefer to imagine that some African trickster fooled her into adopting a name that in an obscure tribal dialect means “painful rectal itch.”

After being publicly outed as a freckly blonde white girl in 2015, the woman newly minted Nkechi Amare Diallo has fallen upon hard times. She is feeding her three black children on food stamps. She claims she’s applied for over 100 jobs but has only been offered employment in porn and on reality TV.

The World’s Most Hilarious Lady Wegro prefers to think of herself as “trans-black” rather than white, but since nobody wants to claim her, let’s just call her “transfused.”

TRANNY WRESTLER WINS STATE CHAMPIONSHIP
Mack Beggs is a very macho-sounding name. Mack won the Texas state title in high school wrestling for the 110-pound weight class last week, capping an undefeated 57-0 season. Beggs, 17, won the girls’ title, you see. Beggs still has a vagina but identifies as a male and receives testosterone therapy, but Texas law will not permit her to wrestle males, so instead she gets all T’ed out and flattens 57 girls in a row. Many wrestlers forfeited their matches against Mack for fear of “imminent threat to bodily harm.”

It recalls the case of Fallon Fox, a dude who identified as a chick and proceeded to make a name for himself body-slamming chicks in MMA competitions.

Apparently if you’re a tranny—either direction—and want to get into full body-contact sports, you’ll be playing against chicks. We are not yet aware of a female-to-male tranny engaged in blood sports against a natural-born male, but it’d be a delight to watch.


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