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The Week That Perished

July 16, 2017

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The Week That Perished

The Week’s Flabbiest, Scabbiest, and Crabbiest Headlines

MAYWEATHER & MCGREGOR MAKE HURTFUL AND INSENSITIVE COMMENTS TOWARD ONE ANOTHER
On August 26, MMA superstar Conor McGregor will enter the boxing ring against Floyd Mayweather, Jr., who is coming out of retirement after an undefeated career because he allegedly owes about 30 million smackers in back taxes.

When a white man and a black man square off in the boxing ring, there are deep racial overtones no matter how hard anyone tries to paper over this obvious evolutionary psychological fact. It goes back more than a century ago when black boxing champ Jack Johnson inspired a frantic search for a “Great White Hope” to unseat him.

The two brawlers are on a multi-city tour to promote the fight—which, we are sad to predict with extreme confidence, McGregor will lose in crushing fashion, seeing as he’s not a professional boxer and will be facing what is probably the best defensive boxer
of all time—and with each appearance they grow more hostile and culturally insensitive toward one another. Here at Taki’s Mag, we welcome and applaud all displays of cultural insensitivity. Despite what the modern media’s mandarins tell you, there is nowhere near enough racism, sexism, and homophobia in American culture these days to satisfy our endless hunger for hate speech.

To his credit, McGregor is known for making ethnically hostile comments. Last year he referred to the Diaz brothers as “cockroaches,” calling Mexican-American Nate Diaz a “cholo gangster from the hood.” In 2015 before fighting Brazilian Jose Aldo, he expressed a desire to “turn [Aldo’s] favela into a Reebok sweatshop.”

During a recent promotional appearance at LA’s Staples Center, McGregor commanded Mayweather to “Dance for me, boy!,” which was doubly racist since blacks are known as good dancers and grown black men—even ones as old and grey as Uncle Remus—used to be routinely demeaned as “boys.”  On an appearance with Jimmy Kimmel, McGregor asked the host which Rocky film featured the “dancing monkeys,” which is racist because many people have suggested that black people look like monkeys and may even be related to them. At an appearance in New York, McGregor deflected allegations of racism because he claimed to be “half black…from the belly button down,” then proceeded to do pelvic thrusts while giving a shout-out to his “beautiful black female fans.”

“There is nowhere near enough racism, sexism, and homophobia in American culture these days to satisfy our endless hunger for hate speech.”

At the same appearance, Mayweather called McGregor a “punk,” a “faggot,” and a “ho.”

It is more than a month until the fight, and we pray to the Norse gods that Mayweather and McGregor continue demeaning one another with racist and homophobic slurs. It is the only way to redeem professional boxing from the cloud of boredom that has plagued it for years.

BLACK PASTORS: SOFT DRINKS ARE KILLING OUR COMMUNITY
Two black pastors from the District of Columbia’s African Methodist Episcopal Church—that’s a mouthful of a denomination right there—have filed a lawsuit against carbonated-beverage colossus Coca-Cola, accusing the corporation of killing more black people than even black people do.

“It’s become really clear to me that we’re losing more people to the sweets than to the streets,” said Pastor Delman Coats, who, it must be noted, is not nearly as chubbed-out and diabetic-looking as so many of his brethren and sistren.

Studies show that black people consume more carbonated and sugar-laden soft drinks than Caucasians do, and this is clearly the fault of an oppressive and racist Caucasian advertising-industrial complex. It is also the fault of white-supremacist tobacco companies that blacks smoke far more menthol cigarettes than whites do, making their lungs bleed and conjuring unpleasant genetic memories of slavery and lynching.

BAY AREA RAPID TRANSIT SQUELCHES DEMOGRAPHIC INFO ABOUT CRIMINAL PERPS
This is Kerry Hamill, the rather chunky and lantern-jawed female Assistant General Manager for Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART). She recently supported BART’s decision to withhold information about the race of the “juveniles” who’ve been mobbing and robbing and beating BART riders for decades now:

If we were to regularly feed the news media video of crimes on our system that involve minority suspects, particularly when they are minors, we would certainly face questions as to why we were sensationalizing relatively minor crimes and perpetuating false stereotypes in the process.

In other words, she admitted that these crimes are disproportionately committed by “minority suspects” while simultaneously referring to her admission as playing into a “false” stereotype. The leftist capacity for holding two ideas that cancel one another out so long as they further the leftist agenda is a thing of wonder and bewilderment.

DYKES COMPLAIN THAT FACEBOOK PREVENTS DYKES FROM USING THE WORD “DYKE”
In simpler and more innocent times, a “dike” was something that a little Dutch boy stuck his finger in to prevent the Netherlands from being flooded. Now a “dyke” is a bearded, muscular woman who refrains from hating men every now and again in order to orally service other bearded, muscular women before they both go out to Waffle House to resume talking about how much they hate men.

As yet another sign that leftist intersectionality will ultimately end in Ouroboros eating his tail all the way up to his head, Facebook recently removed posts made by dykes that used the word “dyke,” arguing that the word would offend dykes. Now a ridiculous clam-slurping activist group calling itself Listening 2 Lesbians has started a petition demanding that Facebook cease its oppression of dykes by allowing them to once again refer to one another as “dykes.”

Meanwhile, the USA is $20 trillion in debt.


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