News

The Week That Perished

February 02, 2015

Steven Spielberg

The Week’s Most Dismal, Abysmal, and Baptismal Headlines

WHY YOU SHOULDN”€™T REFER TO PEOPLE OF COLOR AS “€œCOLORED PEOPLE”€
Grammatically, “€œcolored people”€ is undeniably more economical than “€œpeople of color.”€ Yet for reasons that remain mysterious and entirely unexplained, modern leftist speech police have forbidden the former term as they champion the latter.

Only a curmudgeon would deny that “€œTavis Smiley”€ and “€œBenedict Cumberbatch”€ are colorful names. But it was the latter’s use of the term “€œcolored actors”€ on the former’s show”€”and it must be noted that Tavis Smiley is, indeed, a colored entertainer”€”which led to much wailing and gnashing of teeth. On the show, Cumberbatch said to Smiley:

I think as far as colored actors go, it gets really difficult in the U.K., and I think a lot of my friends have had more opportunities here than in the U.K., and that’s something that needs to change.

Following the requisite burst of insane outrage over the microaggression that Cumberbatch perpetrated by using the term “€œcolored actors,”€ the colorless actor publicly debased himself with extreme prejudice. He issued the following statement last Monday:

“€œEverything is “€˜problematic”€™ with these people.”€

I’m devastated to have caused offence by using this outmoded terminology. I offer my sincere apologies. I make no excuse for my being an idiot and know the damage is done.

Cumberbatch failed to specify what, if any, “€œdamage”€ was done as a result of his egregious use of the term “€œcolored actors,”€ but it would be to argue that he’s not an idiot. The only question that remains is whether you think he’s an idiot for using the term “€œcolored”€ or for apologizing.

MENINISM: ANTI-FEMINISM WITH JOKES
It is common knowledge that any man who alleges that feminism has morphed into a malignant ideology encouraging the worst aspects of female psychology is merely a sexually inadequate woman-hater prone to occasional outbursts of rape as well as random acts of misogyny.

On Twitter, a ragtag network of anti-feminists who”€™ve dubbed themselves “€œmeninists“€ are fighting feminism with the one weapon that feminists utterly lack: humor. Most meninist jokes revolve around the unequal standards that always curiously seem de rigueur in any push for “€œequality.”€

Sample meninist Tweets:

I have a dream….that one day men will not be judged by the fatness of our wallets but by the content of our character

Stop looking at my bulge when I wear sweatpants. My eyes are up here.

you should never put your hands on a man in any situation

I need Meninism because the movie “€˜Magic Mike”€™ promotes an unrealistic expectation of how men’s bodies should look like.

Naturally, those who live under the delusion that feminism has not become a sinister cabal run by secret witches who ultimately seek to geld and enslave anything with a penis are shocked, outraged, and offended by what is nothing more than a bunch of silly jokes. One earnest essayist says that meninism appeals to a certain “€œsort of dangerous idiot“€ and that its attempts at comedy are “€œdeeply unfunny, casually misogynistic, and unfathomably stupid on every conceivable level.”€

Writing that they found meninism to be fundamentally “€œproblematic,”€ another obviously very touchy writer claims to have been “€œappalled to see the posts that were being made. I felt as if I had delved into some sort of anti-feminist hell….”€ Tom Sarmiento, described as a “€œvisiting lecturer in the women’s studies department,”€ describes meninism as “€œa problematic backlash not taking feminism for what it is.”€

Everything is “€œproblematic”€ with these people. If your biggest problem is a bunch of harmless (if largely accurate) jokes, you must forever forsake any claim to being oppressed.

Pay to Play - Put your money where your mouth is and subscribe for an ad-free experience and to join the world famous Takimag comment board.