News

The Week That Perished

September 10, 2017

“FURRY” COUNCILMAN RESIGNS WITH HIS TAIL BETWEEN HIS LEGS
The furry community is a demented and easily mocked group of adults who should know better than to dress up as cartoon animals for sexual satisfaction without expecting people to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh at them.

In Milford, CT, Democratic councilman Scott Chamberlain was recently shamed into resigning after it emerged that he had a profile on sofurry.com as a furry fox named “Gray Muzzle.” Chamberlain’s profile also stated that he “tolerates” rape. It’s unclear whether he meant that he tolerates being raped, in which case consent is implied and then it really isn’t rape, anyway. And although Chamberlain also wrote what he calls a “soap opera” that includes furries in sexual situations, he says that his fetish has “nothing to do with sex; it’s an interest in cartoon animals.”

Well, yeah, but it’s an interest in cartoon animals having sex.

ANOTHER BRAWL AT ANOTHER POPEYES CHICKEN
There have been so many eye-gouging, weave-tugging brawls at Popeyes Chicken establishments across the country, one might be forgiven for suspecting that their recipe includes a secret ingredient that makes people violent.

There was this brawl four years ago. And this one two years ago. And this one last year. And this one last month.

Last week in San Marcos, TX, a melee erupted after four vibrant ladies in the drive-thru lane were asked to come into the restaurant because their orders were allegedly too “complicated” to handle over a loudspeaker. It ended in violence, with a nearly eight-months-pregnant manager being assaulted from all sides.

Why is the black community so angry with Popeyes? It seems to provide a much-desired service for them. And it’s not like Popeyes is trying to sterilize black America like Church’s Fried Chicken was accused of doing.

TRANNY RAPIST MOVED TO WOMEN’S JAIL, STARTS PREYING ON WOMEN
After being convicted of rape and sentenced to life in prison in 1995, a British father of three named Martin Ponting decided he was actually a woman named Jessica Winfield. British taxpayers were soaked to the tune of £10,000 to medically enable Ponting’s gender delusion. We actually aren’t sure what sort of work Ponting had done under the hood, but he allegedly still has a penis. Now 50, he had been moved to Europe’s largest female prison, where he was recently placed into a segregation unit “after making unwanted sexual advances on inmates.”

Pink News—a website by and for gaybirds, gayrods, lezzies, and clam-diggers—was not offended by anything we’ve just told you. Instead, they found the Daily Mail’s treatment of the story to be downright “horrifying” since it dared to use Ponting’s “deadname”—i.e., the name he was given at birth when they correctly assigned his gender at birth—and also referred to him as a “father,” even though he is literally a father.

Lawdy help a world in which the truth is offensive.

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