The Week’s Most Hateful, Fateful, and Ungrateful Headlines
BANNING CHRISTIANS IN ENGLAND
Anyone who alleges that England’s elites are forcing a deliberate cultural transformation upon indigenous Britons by squashing the rights of Christians and coddling those of Muslims is obviously a paranoid schizophrenic white supremacist who lives in his mother’s basement.
This is why you should pay no attention to the plight of 56-year-old British spinster and flea-market vendor Tina Gayle, who vaguely resembles comic actor Martin Short in drag.
Authorities have banned Miss Gayle from selling her Hate Wares at the town center market in Loughbourough, England. Henceforth she will be denied a stall with which to peddle mugs honoring the Knights Templar, a Catholic military order who clashed with Muslims as the two religions struggled for control over the Middle East in the twelfth and thirteenth centuries.
After some anonymous chickenshit town local complained to authorities about these Islamophobic beverage containers on the premise that some Muslim somewhere might dislike them, Gayle was paid a visit and instructed to no longer sell the mugs. When she refused, they revoked her right to have a stall at the town market.
At Balliol College in Oxford, students recently banned the Christian Union from having their own stall at the “Freshers Fair,” which is an annual outdoor event that welcomes new students during the first week of classes. The school published emails by a student named Freddy Potts attempting to justify the ban:
Historically, Christianity’s influence on many marginalised communities has been damaging in its methods of conversion and rules of practice, and is still used in many places as an excuse for homophobia and certain forms of neo-colonialism….Hopefully, as people of faith, you may be able to empathise with this, and we ask you to consider from a place of compassion the potential harm to those freshers who are already severely and harmfully disadvantaged.
Balliol College was founded in the 1200s by the sort of Christians that Freddy Potts is now disavowing. Would it be cruel to wish that one day, Freddy Potts and everyone like him becomes intimately aware of what it feels like to be “harmfully disadvantaged”?
FACEBOOK SUSPENDS BLACK RAPPER FOR “HATE SPEECH”
“Lil” is a common prefix for rappers—at last count, at least sixty of them feature it in their name, although to our knowledge there is currently no rapper named Lil Dick.
The sickeningly huge digital colossus Facebook—which is an electronic form of cancer—has rapped the knuckles of Lil B for allegedly spewing “hate speech” in posts he’d made subsequent to the recent Las Vegas massacre. Snippets of these posts are reprinted here unedited just to highlight how illiterate this alleged wordsmith is:
White people are the only ones who really love they guns U can tell they are violent people
IF WHITE PEOPLE PUT DOWN THE GUNZ WE ALL BE SAFE BUT NOPE! THEY VILENT.
A Facebook rep with the wacky name of Ruchika Budhraja justified the ban:
I think if you were to change ‘white’ to something else, like ‘black people are the problem, they’re so violent’—if you just took a step back and replaced it with anything else, those are the type of things that our hate speech policies are intended to capture and they apply equally to all races. They are race-neutral.
The very concept of “hate speech” is simultaneously dumb, vague, and juvenile. Having said that, if they’re going to punish people for it, the only fair and equitable thing to do would make nonwhite people suffer, too.
TORCHES RETURN TO CHARLOTTESVILLE
In what some people will view as ballsy, others as foolhardy, and most as appalling or even horrifying, some of the white nationalists who lit up Charlottesville, VA with tiki torches on the eve of the fateful and aborted “Unite The Right” rally on August 12 descended on the town under cover of darkness last Saturday night, chanting and hoisting torches yet again.
Described by ABC News as a “gaggle of white nationalists” numbering a few dozen, the hearty hatemongers organized what altright.com calls a “guerrilla, flash-mob style action” in which they chanted “You will not replace us, you will not erase us” and listened to brief speeches by Mike Enoch and Richard Spencer. The event lasted barely ten minutes, and unlike the infamous event in August, no one was harmed.
Our biggest takeaway from this is learning that the proper collective noun for white nationalists is “gaggle.”
Writing in The New York Times, a Jewish immigrant from South Africa named Sasha Polakow-Suransky claims in what will undoubtedly seize the Doublethink Headline of the Year Award that “White Nationalism Is Destroying the West.” These white nationalists are, naturally, motivated by fear and paranoia and hatred and obsessiveness and insecurity, because Mr. Polakow-Suransky possesses the magically mystical powers of mind-reading. After all, it couldn’t possibly be a healthy and perfectly natural evolutionary instinct to be concerned about your extinction.
Lil Sasha claims that in Charlottesville, these white nationalist Uber-villains “beat a black man.” What he fails to mention is that black man, DeAndre Harris, who raised over $160,000 after claiming “I Was Beaten By White Supremacists,” has now been arrested on felony assault charges for his role in the Charlottesville melee. Harris’s lawyer claims that the charges are fraudulent, seeing as they’re based on “the word of a single extremist.”
Well, they’re also based on video that clearly shows Harris bashing one of those “extremists” in the head with a blunt instrument, but one must never disrupt The Script.