The Week That Perished

May 13, 2018

Multiple Pages
The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Predatory, Statutory, and Transitory Headlines

New York State Attorney Eric Schneiderman has basked in the estrogen-tinted afterglow of the #MeToo movement, posturing as a champion of women’s rights and launching a high-profile criminal investigation against Harvey Weinstein.

In April he tweeted out his congrats to The New Yorker for its career-shattering work on uncovering the Weinstein scandal:

Without the reporting of the @nytimes and the @newyorker — and the brave women and men who spoke up about the sexual harassment they endured at the hands of powerful men — there would not be the critical national reckoning underway.

Schneiderman has long positioned himself as a savior of women against the slimy predations of powerful men. In 2010 while a New York state senator, he introduced a bill that would criminalize non-life-threatening acts of choking so long as they demonstrated “an intent to impede breathing.”

As recently as May 1, he was feted at some pro-abortion luncheon in New York where he told a crowd of fetus-slaughtering cosmopolites, “If a woman cannot control her body, she is not truly equal.”

Therefore, it should come as no surprise—at least not to those who realize that those who shout the loudest are those that need to be watched most closely—that The New Yorker just released a blockbuster expose alleging that Schneiderman has a long history of beating, choking, and threatening women.

Four female accusers, two of whom went on the record, shared essentially the same story—that Schneiderman was a Jekyll & Hyde-style drunken monster who’d verbally demean them, smack them at full force when they least expected it, choke them hard, and threaten to kill them if they told anyone, bragging that not only did he have the law on his side, he was the law.

“It’s good to see such an effusively sanctimonious twat such as Schneiderman hoisted on his own erection.”

A spicy redhead with mischievous eyes named Manning Barish said she met Schneiderman in the summer of 2016. She says he frequently called her a “whore” and a “dirty little slut,” recalling one incident where he slapped her while she was fully clothed and they were not engaged in any amorous play:

All of a sudden, he just slapped me, open-handed and with great force, across the face, landing the blow directly onto my ear. It was horrendous. It just came out of nowhere. My ear was ringing. I lost my balance and fell backward onto the bed. I sprang up, but at this point there was very little room between the bed and him. I got up to try to shove him back, or take a swing, and he pushed me back down. He then used his body weight to hold me down, and he began to choke me. The choking was very hard. It was really bad. I kicked. In every fiber, I felt I was being beaten by a man….Our top law officer, this guy with a platform for women’s rights, just smacked away so much of what I thought he stood for.

Tanya Selvaratnam is a Harvard-educated “activist” with an unpronounceable surname who also says she met Schneiderman in the summer of 2016. Like Manning Barish, she claims he smacked, choked, demeaned, and threatened her—with the added twist of racial abuse:

Sometimes, he’d tell me to call him Master, and he’d slap me until I did…he started calling me his ‘brown slave’ and demanding that I repeat that I was ‘his property.’…we could rarely have sex without him beating me…it was a fairy tale that became a nightmare….This is a man who has staked his entire career, his personal narrative, on being a champion for women publicly. But he abuses them privately.

Back in 2013, our glorious leader Donald J. Trump, who is looking more and more like a prophet of God, predicted Schneiderman’s downfall in a tweet:

[Anthony] Weiner is gone, [Eliot] Spitzer is gone - next will be lightweight A.G. Eric Schneiderman. Is he a crook? Wait and see, worse than Spitzer or Weiner.

It’s good to see such an effusively sanctimonious twat such as Schneiderman hoisted on his own erection.

Alyssa Milano is a female performer perhaps best known for her energetic and scintillating 1988 dance video “Teen Steam.”

On May 4 she attended an anti-NRA protest in Dallas to show her opposition to all those NRA members who have gone on mass shootings in recent years, even though if you want to get all technical and factual and autistic about it, no NRA members have ever gone on mass shootings and most gun murders are committed by people who don’t legally possess the guns in the first place.

Of course, Milano wasn’t going to mix with the plebs without being surrounded by a retinue of armed guards. In fact, many of the most vocal-anti-gun activists refuse to go out in public unless they’re protected by a phalanx of armed guards, because otherwise they might become victims of one of those NRA mass shooters you keep hearing about in the news.

Yale University is an esteemed institution of higher learning where any hysterical black student can force a teacher to resign merely by screaming at them for being racist because they said everyone needs to calm the hell down and quit getting offended about Halloween costumes.

Following in this highly intellectual and not at all chimp-like tradition comes word that the school president has publicly apologized after a national scandal erupted when a woman called the police because another woman was sleeping in a residence hall common area.

As it happens, the woman who called the police is white. The sleeping woman is black. To our knowledge, these basic facts—and absolutely nothing that transpired between the two women, at least not anything that was articulated by the white woman—are all the media needed to make this yet another story of blacks being brutalized by racist whites in Donald Trump’s America.

The black student, who insists on using the self-segregating and frankly ridiculous name of Lolade Siyonbola, offers zero corroborating evidence for the following declarative statement:

I know with absolute certainty that if I was white 1) the police would not have been called and that 2) if they were, I would not have been detained for nearly 20 [minutes] for absolutely no reason.

Sure, it had nothing to do with the fact that she was detained because the ID she showed police featured her “preferred” name rather than her real name and the police were simply attempting to figure out why she was using two names.

The next day, a deeply chastened Yale University sent out a mass email describing NapGate as “deeply troubling” and reaffirmed the school’s dedication to tackling every last instance of “racial bias, discrimination and harassment.”

But why are black people sleeping in public anyway? Who do they think they are—Mexicans?

Online streaming mega-monster Spotify is rolling out a new policy against “Hate Content & Hateful Conduct” designed to protect all those people who want to sit back, sip on some gin and juice, and hear rappers talk about shooting prostitutes in the head without the risk of being exposed to disturbing words and insensitive ideas.

Here is how their official policy—which was lovingly crafted with the assistance of the ADL and SPLC—describes “hate content”:

Hate content is content that expressly and principally promotes, advocates, or incites hatred or violence against a group or individual based on characteristics, including, race, religion, gender identity, sex, ethnicity, nationality, sexual orientation, veteran status, or disability….

Sure, why don’t you take all the fun out of music while you’re at it?

First on their chopping block is R&B singer R. Kelly, who despite a net worth estimated at approximately $150 million is perhaps best known for allegedly having sex with underage girls on camera and urinating on groupies. Even though Kelly has never been convicted of any sex crimes, it is the persistent stench of the rumors surrounding him and his alleged “sex cult” that have led the musical school marms at Spotify to deem him a hateful person who should be removed from their editorial and algorithmic playlists.

Spotify spokesdude Jonathan Prince explains that although they do not censor artists, they simply don’t want to endorse those that may possibly be hateful, because then the ADL and SPLC would hate them for it.

Scott Purdy is a 23-year-old Englishman who, if we are to be painfully blunt, isn’t very purdy, at least not in the looks department.

After breaking his foot in what we will presume was not a sexual mishap, Purdy was prescribed the brand-name painkiller Lyrica, which he says turned him from a well-adjusted heterosexual into a raving faygeleh seemingly overnight:

I noticed my libido for women had gone and I was wanting male attention. I was with a girlfriend I had been with for around six months. I had never been interested in men. When I was younger I was a little bit curious but a couple of weeks after I started taking it I turned around and said I didn’t find her physically attractive anymore…I had been taking it for a few weeks and I have come to the realization that when I take it I want males.

Scott gushes that he’s met a man on the dating site Plenty of Fish and hopes to hook up with him sometime soon.

Barbera Aimes is a pretentious 59-year-old Colorado woman who just couldn’t be content spelling her name “Barbara Ames.” A self-described former punk rocker and wild child back in the 1980s, she decided it would be a good idea to marry a black man in the early 1990s.

Only months after their marital union, the black man—who insists he’s not gay—began frequenting gay bathhouses, where he was eventually bitten in the ass by a nasty little bug known as HIV. Being a generous man, he also gave the virus to his wife.

In the winter of 2011, Barbera came down with what she thought was a “pesky cold,” but the “next thing I know I was throwing up everywhere.” Doctors soon determined that she was HIV-positive, and if there’s one thing you don’t want to be positive about, it’s HIV.

Her husband eventually confessed that he’d been having his helmet polished for years at gay bathhouses even though, as he already told us all, he isn’t gay. At first, Barbera says she was taken aback by his skeevy confession: “I thought I was an astronaut in space and someone had cut my cord. I was screaming and angry and hurt.”

Then, however, she decided to be a tolerant grownup and forgive her husband for infecting her with the deadly virus—which she now views as a “gift”—since she wasn’t tossing him the booty as often as he needed it:

It’s not uncommon for straight men to go to a gay bathhouse. He loved the attention. He was not getting anything from me.

What the world needs now are more white women who marry black men out of guilt feelings and then willingly submit to a viral death sentence out of additional guilt feelings that weren’t assuaged by marrying the black guy in the first place. Then, and only then, will our culture be halfway on the path back to sanity.

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