News

The Week That Perished

March 04, 2018

SPERM COUNTS CONTINUE TO DROP
Five years ago in these very pages, we detailed the alarming fact that over the past century, global testosterone and sperm counts have been plummeting.

Now comes word from the Hebrew University-Hadassah Braun School of Public Health and Community Medicine in Jerusalem—sounds Dutch—that in developed countries, male sperm counts have fallen by a whopping 50% in the past forty years.

This is devastating and deeply depressing news, but we will withhold judgment until we can verify not only exactly who is taking these sperm samples, but who has the time and the eyesight to sit around counting sperm all day.

MAKING WHITE MALES PAY MORE FOR FOOD AND MAGAZINES
Tunde Wey is a man of Nigerian extraction who for some reason decided to leave his utterly prosperous and 100% safe homeland to risk his life among the rabid, racist white folk of New Orleans. Outraged by the fact that white households in New Orleans have an average income more than twice that of black households—and apparently not curious enough to find any reasons for this beyond “racism”—Wey decided to enforce culinary affirmative action at his Nigerian food cart.

If you’re black, a meal from his food cart will cost you $12, which seems expensive to us, and we’re not even black! But if you’re white, Mr. Wey will soak you for a cool $30.

The March issue of Canada’s Maclean’s Magazine features two different covers—one for men, one for women, because apparently the bigoted publishers there are already over 200 scientifically confirmed genders. Man pay $8.81 per copy, while women only have to fork over $6.99. In other words, men pay more than women for the same magazine. In a fair world, men would also make more money than women for working the same job.

“TRANSRACIAL” WOMAN ACCUSED OF ASSAULTING COP
Seventeen-year-old Victoria Waldrip is a white girl who has nearly a million Instagram followers under her pseudonym of “Woah Vicky,” in which she acts so egregiously black that she might be the biggest idiot on social media in the solar system at the moment. In her videos, she “drops the N-word, poses with guns, sells weaves, wears do-rags over her straight hair, and does makeup tutorials aimed at black women.”

Last week she was arrested at a North Carolina mall after allegedly kicking a police officer. Upon her release, she claimed that the white cops acted “racist” toward her.

Whoever and wherever this girl’s father is, he has clearly failed.

TRANNY MURDERS BOYFRIEND, GETS SPEAKING GIG AT HOUSE OF LORDS
Karen Jones was born Mark John Jones and then one day decided to go completely nutty and claim he’s a woman. In 2001 “Karen” suffocated and strangled his male partner to death and left the corpse to decompose. Upon being released from this “life” sentence after only five years, Karen decided it would be a good idea to stuff a lemon in a female shopkeeper’s mouth and attempt to rape her only five days after his release. Jones received another life sentence, but that one didn’t last long, either.

Now Jones is pleased as punch to have been invited to speak at the House of Lords about transgender issues in England’s prisons, because who can provide more government-funded insight and wisdom than a convicted rapist/murderer who thinks he’s a chick?

Enoch Powell wept.

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