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The Week That Perished

February 04, 2018

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The Week That Perished

The Week’s Most Mental, Ungentle, and Judgmental Headlines

RAPING ANN COULTER LIVE AND ON TELEVISION
The main problem with modern TV crime dramas is that in their allegedly noble quest to confront gritty realities, they tiptoe around uncomfortable statistical realities regarding race and crime. A 2015 study analyzed three seasons of Law & Order and found:

Results suggest whites are disproportionately portrayed as criminals five to eight times more often on police dramas compared to actual crime statistics for the city of New York, exposure to police dramas increases beliefs of threats to personal safety, and exposure to police dramas leads to elevated perceptions of white criminality among non-whites.

It is this same tendency that ends up with nearly all TV home-security ads featuring white burglars and rapists, despite white underrepresentation in both crime categories—especially when you consider that Hispanics are counted as “white.”

Last week’s installment of Law & Order: SVU may mark the first time in history that the words “cuck” and “antifa” were uttered on a primetime TV drama. A fictional blonde female conservative pundit named “Martha Cobb”—but who seems intended to represent Ann Coulter—rants about “liberal snowflakes” and wishes to “close down Planned Parenthood and deport the Dreamers.”

Well, of course she winds up getting raped unconscious with a protest sign while attempting to speak at a college campus. After regaining consciousness, she identifies an antifa goon as her assailant. But apparently screenwriter Robert B. Cohen isn’t quite ready to find antifa guilty of anything—least of all rape, not in the midst of this #MeToo feeding frenzy that’s chewing up and spitting out men throughout his industry—so suspicion for the rape quickly shifts toward the Alt-Rightish “Grand Wizard” of a group called Patriots for the American Way, because as everyone knows, there’s no difference between any of those types of groups, and anyone whose ideology veers from your average TV screenwriter’s ideology even one tiny baby step is a neo-Nazi who wants to rape neo-Nazi women and then blame liberal screenwriters for perpetrating anti-neo-Nazi sexual hate crimes.

“Ann Coulter, when you’re right, you’re right. Now please eat a sandwich.”

Coulter shrugged her tiny, wafer-thin, and perhaps even calcium-deficient shoulders at the whole controversy and instead seized the opportunity to attack Hollywood’s hypocrisy on immigration:

I promise you the writers, the actors and the producers of this TV show—they will move heaven and earth to make sure their kids don’t go to school any place near a DREAMer. Their only contact with illegal aliens is the woman who cleans their toilet whose name they don’t know. Oh, but they’re going to stand up for the illegal aliens. So much of Hollywood is just wanting to feel morally superior to conservatives and particularly to Trump voters.

Ann Coulter, when you’re right, you’re right. Now please eat a sandwich.

UMA THURMAN FINGERS WEINSTEIN, TARANTINO
Although Quentin Tarantino’s movies contain oodles of staged violence, the director’s pores ooze such an incurable geekiness, we tend to believe he’s neither encountered nor perpetrated any real violence in his life. We suspect he’d soil his undergarments at the sound of an unexpected firecracker, a mildly scary ghost story, or even a small bird loudly chirping outside his window at dawn.

Along with the lumpy, unshaven Hebraic hedgehog Harvey Weinstein, Tarantino—whose chin is shaped like the head of a penis—exploited actress Uma Thurman as an icon of violent female empowerment. Uma kicked mucho male ass in Tarantino’s postmodern films Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill—the latter of which was apparently so bad, it needed to be split into two parts just to make it go down easier.

A few months ago while Weinstein was being publicly immolated, Thurman warned that she’d speak on the matter soon. In a New York Times profile last Saturday, Thurman claims that Weinstein attempted to “shove himself” on her and “expose himself” to her in the course of doing “all kinds of unpleasant things.” (Whether or not those “unpleasant things” include that maneuver where horny dudes with poor social skills make a “V” with two fingers and then lasciviously lick between them as if simulating cunnilingus is anyone’s guess.)

Thurman also accuses Tarantino of permanently damaging her neck and knees by forcing her to film a scene in a car that a Teamster working on the set had warned her was faulty. Thurman says she initially refused to do the scene but that Tarantino finally pressured her into filming it, causing her to eventually sustain injuries after slamming into a tree:

Quentin came in my trailer and didn’t like to hear no, like any director. He was furious because I’d cost them a lot of time. But I was scared. He said: ‘I promise you the car is fine. It’s a straight piece of road.’…But that was a death box that I was in. The seat wasn’t screwed down properly. It was a sand road and it was not a straight road.

We encourage UFC President Dana White to set up a Pay-Per-View cage match between Uma Thurman and Quentin Tarantino. All our money’s on Uma, crippled or not.

INDIANA REJECTS HATE-CRIME LEGISLATION…AGAIN!
Indiana is one of those states that God neglected to bestow with a scrap of natural beauty or an identifiable personality. It is flat and bleak and depressing, with soul-crushing weather extremes and a resident population that is largely forgettable. If you’ve seen Vice President Mike Pence’s oddly expressionless face, there’s no need for you to visit Indiana. His face is a snapshot of the entire state.

Nevertheless, we like to give credit where it’s due, which is why we’re standing here before the world to congratulate the wonderful, God-fearing, sugar cream pie-gobbling folks in the Indiana State Senate for steadfastly refusing to enact a hate crime law last Tuesday morning. Indiana stubbornly remains one of only five American states with no such legislation, the others being Arkansas, Georgia, South Carolina, and Wyoming.

Hate crime laws are dumb. This blind, endless push for “justice” is indefinable, which is why it’s also insatiable. If the Hoosiers were to capitulate to Cultural Marxist forces even one inch, we have no doubt they’d quickly be squeezed into changing the state’s name from Indiana to Native Americana.

WHEN TEENS HIDE DEAD BABIES UNDER THEIR BED BECAUSE THEIR CULTURE FORBIDS PREMARITAL SEX
Ayesha Tariq is a young female living in England with her mother, Tasleem Akhtar. Obviously their names aren’t British. Actually, they sound Dutch.

A British court recently heard testimony relating to an incident in 2013 when teenaged Ayesha became pregnant, hid her condition with baggy clothing, and either gave birth to a child and then immediately killed it or simply birthed a stillborn fetus. She then allegedly hid its corpse in a small box under her bed for three days before her mother, who as we speculated is apparently a woman of Dutch extraction named Tasleem, noticed an awful smell wafting through the house. It wasn’t until three days later that Ayesha’s mom realized the odor was that of an infant corpse wafting from beneath her sex-crazed Dutch teen daughter’s bed.

Ayesha is facing charges of infanticide. When Mrs. Akthar was asked why her daughter would rather hide a dead Dutch fetus than admit to having premarital sex, the Dutch family matron explained:

Because it is not what we do. It is not culturally acceptable.

We have no other option but to condemn Dutch culture in all its manifestations.

RECLASSIFYING BLACKNESS AS A DISABILITY
Kimani Paul-Emile is a light-skinned black female law professor with one of those “Hey, look at me—I’m black” names.

She is an alleged expert in “race and the law,” or, as some people might call her, a “shakedown artist.” In a recent essay, she suggests that black people might be able to squeeze some more money out of the White Guilt Industrial Complex by reclassifying blackness as a disability:

To be Black means facing increased likelihood, relative to Whites, of living in poverty, attending failing schools, experiencing discrimination in housing, being denied a job interview, being stopped by the police, being killed during a routine police encounter, receiving inferior medical care, living in substandard conditions and in dangerous and/or polluted environments, being un- or underemployed, receiving longer prison sentences, and having a lower life expectancy. These increased risks are not fully explained by income: Blackness in the United States has an independent disabling effect distinct from the effects of socioeconomic status.


It’s an interesting proposition, this idea that blacks are “disabled” merely by living in a racist white supremacist American society. But if that were the case, our melanin-addled brethren and sist’ren would be spreading their wings and soaring higher in black-majority nations. But this isn’t the case—if you judge quality of life by things such as longevity and income, black Americans are doing far better in America than they are in Haiti and Africa.

Then again, maybe she means that merely being black is a disability, but that’s unthinkable and wrong.


Every Monday, Jim Goad reads the previous day’s “Week That Perished” on his podcast.

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