News

The Week That Perished

February 04, 2018

Ann Coulter

The Week’s Most Mental, Ungentle, and Judgmental Headlines

RAPING ANN COULTER LIVE AND ON TELEVISION
The main problem with modern TV crime dramas is that in their allegedly noble quest to confront gritty realities, they tiptoe around uncomfortable statistical realities regarding race and crime. A 2015 study analyzed three seasons of Law & Order and found:

Results suggest whites are disproportionately portrayed as criminals five to eight times more often on police dramas compared to actual crime statistics for the city of New York, exposure to police dramas increases beliefs of threats to personal safety, and exposure to police dramas leads to elevated perceptions of white criminality among non-whites.

It is this same tendency that ends up with nearly all TV home-security ads featuring white burglars and rapists, despite white underrepresentation in both crime categories—especially when you consider that Hispanics are counted as “white.”

Last week’s installment of Law & Order: SVU may mark the first time in history that the words “cuck” and “antifa” were uttered on a primetime TV drama. A fictional blonde female conservative pundit named “Martha Cobb”—but who seems intended to represent Ann Coulter—rants about “liberal snowflakes” and wishes to “close down Planned Parenthood and deport the Dreamers.”

Well, of course she winds up getting raped unconscious with a protest sign while attempting to speak at a college campus. After regaining consciousness, she identifies an antifa goon as her assailant. But apparently screenwriter Robert B. Cohen isn’t quite ready to find antifa guilty of anything—least of all rape, not in the midst of this #MeToo feeding frenzy that’s chewing up and spitting out men throughout his industry—so suspicion for the rape quickly shifts toward the Alt-Rightish “Grand Wizard” of a group called Patriots for the American Way, because as everyone knows, there’s no difference between any of those types of groups, and anyone whose ideology veers from your average TV screenwriter’s ideology even one tiny baby step is a neo-Nazi who wants to rape neo-Nazi women and then blame liberal screenwriters for perpetrating anti-neo-Nazi sexual hate crimes.

“Ann Coulter, when you’re right, you’re right. Now please eat a sandwich.”

Coulter shrugged her tiny, wafer-thin, and perhaps even calcium-deficient shoulders at the whole controversy and instead seized the opportunity to attack Hollywood’s hypocrisy on immigration:

I promise you the writers, the actors and the producers of this TV show—they will move heaven and earth to make sure their kids don’t go to school any place near a DREAMer. Their only contact with illegal aliens is the woman who cleans their toilet whose name they don’t know. Oh, but they’re going to stand up for the illegal aliens. So much of Hollywood is just wanting to feel morally superior to conservatives and particularly to Trump voters.

Ann Coulter, when you’re right, you’re right. Now please eat a sandwich.

UMA THURMAN FINGERS WEINSTEIN, TARANTINO
Although Quentin Tarantino’s movies contain oodles of staged violence, the director’s pores ooze such an incurable geekiness, we tend to believe he’s neither encountered nor perpetrated any real violence in his life. We suspect he’d soil his undergarments at the sound of an unexpected firecracker, a mildly scary ghost story, or even a small bird loudly chirping outside his window at dawn.

Along with the lumpy, unshaven Hebraic hedgehog Harvey Weinstein, Tarantino—whose chin is shaped like the head of a penis—exploited actress Uma Thurman as an icon of violent female empowerment. Uma kicked mucho male ass in Tarantino’s postmodern films Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill—the latter of which was apparently so bad, it needed to be split into two parts just to make it go down easier.

A few months ago while Weinstein was being publicly immolated, Thurman warned that she’d speak on the matter soon. In a New York Times profile last Saturday, Thurman claims that Weinstein attempted to “shove himself” on her and “expose himself” to her in the course of doing “all kinds of unpleasant things.” (Whether or not those “unpleasant things” include that maneuver where horny dudes with poor social skills make a “V” with two fingers and then lasciviously lick between them as if simulating cunnilingus is anyone’s guess.)

Thurman also accuses Tarantino of permanently damaging her neck and knees by forcing her to film a scene in a car that a Teamster working on the set had warned her was faulty. Thurman says she initially refused to do the scene but that Tarantino finally pressured her into filming it, causing her to eventually sustain injuries after slamming into a tree:

Quentin came in my trailer and didn’t like to hear no, like any director. He was furious because I’d cost them a lot of time. But I was scared. He said: ‘I promise you the car is fine. It’s a straight piece of road.’…But that was a death box that I was in. The seat wasn’t screwed down properly. It was a sand road and it was not a straight road.

We encourage UFC President Dana White to set up a Pay-Per-View cage match between Uma Thurman and Quentin Tarantino. All our money’s on Uma, crippled or not.

INDIANA REJECTS HATE-CRIME LEGISLATION…AGAIN!
Indiana is one of those states that God neglected to bestow with a scrap of natural beauty or an identifiable personality. It is flat and bleak and depressing, with soul-crushing weather extremes and a resident population that is largely forgettable. If you’ve seen Vice President Mike Pence’s oddly expressionless face, there’s no need for you to visit Indiana. His face is a snapshot of the entire state.

Nevertheless, we like to give credit where it’s due, which is why we’re standing here before the world to congratulate the wonderful, God-fearing, sugar cream pie-gobbling folks in the Indiana State Senate for steadfastly refusing to enact a hate crime law last Tuesday morning. Indiana stubbornly remains one of only five American states with no such legislation, the others being Arkansas, Georgia, South Carolina, and Wyoming.

Hate crime laws are dumb. This blind, endless push for “justice” is indefinable, which is why it’s also insatiable. If the Hoosiers were to capitulate to Cultural Marxist forces even one inch, we have no doubt they’d quickly be squeezed into changing the state’s name from Indiana to Native Americana.

Pay to Play - Put your money where your mouth is and subscribe for an ad-free experience and to join the world famous Takimag comment board.