The Week’s Most Inveterate, Degenerate, and Confederate Headlines

CONFEDERATE FLAG SPOTTED IN SEATTLE!
The Pacific Northwest is an extremely white area of the USA that has extreme problems with its extreme whiteness. They treat their five or ten black people up there as exotic pets and suffer constant hallucinations that Nazis and Klansmen are lurking behind every Douglas fir.

Last week a news tip was sent to the Seattle Times:

Hi. Suddenly there is a Confederate flag flying in front of a house in my Greenwood neighborhood.…I would love to know what this ‘means’…but of course don’t want to knock on their door. Maybe others in the area are flying the flag? Maybe it’s a story? Thank you.

The tip was from Rebecca Morris, a best-selling true-crime author. Perhaps to her extreme dismay, the flag turned out to be a Norwegian one. Except for the color scheme, Norwegian flags really don’t look very much like Rebel flags at all, although this isn’t the first time someone has had a panic attack by mistaking a Norwegian flag for a Rebel flag.

The flag’s owner, a proud Norseman named Darold Norman Strangeland who brags that his dad “skippered tugboats,” says he hoisted the flag last week in honor of the fact that Norway is kicking everyone else’s ass in the Winter Olympics.

What’s even stranger is that Seattle has a heavily Norwegian neighborhood called Ballard where you can’t spit without hitting a Norwegian flag and you can’t walk without slipping on a piece of lutefisk. When informed that she made an honest (if paranoid) mistake, Rebecca Morris said, “Maybe that’s the story…we’re so stressed by all things political that we see things that aren’t there.”

Yeah, that’s been the story for quite a while now, Toots.

GOVERNOR DRINKS CHOCOLATE MILK FOR DIVERSITY
Here’s a picture of Republican Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner dutifully gulping down a glass of chocolate milk to prove that he’s A-OK with Negroes and just about any other grievance group who’d be prone to publicly humiliating him by forcing him to drink chocolate milk as some sort of weird penance for his skin color and gender.

It happened last week at some Black History Month shindig in Chicago when a very fat and gay-looking black male named Tyronne Stoudemire—who is the global chief diversity officer for Hyatt Hotels, and yes, that’s really a job, because it’s really important that nonwhites be allowed to rent hotel rooms, even though they already technically are allowed to do so—urged the gov’ner to reach out and show that he cares for:

…women, people of color, people with disabilities, the aging population, and generation X, Y, and Z….It’s not that organizations are not diverse, but when you look at most organizations, diversity sits, what? At the bottom of the organization. You don’t get inclusion until you stir it up. I want you to stir it up, governor. Stir it up.

After delivering this soul-stirring soliloquy, Governor Rauner held out a glass full of lily-white milk and allowed Stoudemire to befoul it with large, gloppy squirts of Hershey’s chocolate syrup. He then eagerly chugged it down before giving a thumbs up and shouting, “It’s really, really good…Diversity!”

Personally, we don’t think that diversity is the only thing this guy is gulping down.

THE PROTOCOLS OF SMITH & WESSON
Take a deep breath, because this story is weird on so many levels and from so many angles that your brain may collapse.

Wayne LaPierre, president of the NRA—you know, that super-powerful lobbying organization that uses money to influence our political system even though, if you want to get technical, its net assets aren’t even a quarter of what the SPLC has in their war chest—gave a speech last week at CPAC in which he warned that “European-style socialists” were leading a putsch to erase gun rights and disarm the good and gentle people of these here doggone United States.

For some reason—we’ll let you decide—two prominent Jewish publications decided to use his speech as evidence that LaPierre is calling for armed resistance against Jews, even though, if you want to split threads on a yarmulke, he didn’t once mention Jews by name.

In fact, it was the two Jewish publications that wound up “naming the Jew” in this case.

“In NRA’s Response to School Massacre: Dog-whistle anti-Semitism, a Star-spangled Protocols of Zion” blares the psychotically paranoid and full-of-projection headline from Haaretz:

Again and again in his speech to the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in Maryland, LaPierre identified the enemies of the NRA, and of America, as Jews…

This is either inaccurate or an outright lie. Fact is, LaPierre did not once use the word “Jew” in his speech. Note how Haaretz [inserts the Jew] in this passage from LaPierre’s speech:

History proves it. Every time, in every nation in which this political disease rises to power, its citizens are repressed, their freedoms are destroyed, and their firearms are banned and confiscated. It is all backed in this country by the social engineering, and the billions, of people like [philanthropists of Jewish lineage] George Soros, Michael Bloomberg, Tom Steyer, and more….Absolute control, in every corner of our government, is their ultimate dream. These intellectual elites, they think they’re smarter than we are. They think they’re smarter than the rest of us. And they think they’re better than we are.

The Jewish Forward, almost as if they were operating from the same playbook as Haaretz, screamed that “The NRA Has An Anti-Semitism Problem,” although it has the basic decency to concede that “LaPierre’s speech never mentioned the word ‘Jew.’” But that didn’t stop author Jay Michaelson of blowin’ real hard on the ol’ Hyperbole Shofar by calling LaPierre’s speech “the knockout punch of conspiratorial anti-Semitism”:

This McCarthyite vision of a cancer destroying America…posits a good, mostly rural, less educated, implicitly white Volk being undermined by a corrupt, mostly urban, over-educated, and foreign set of elites. Sometimes those elites are actual Jews controlling Hollywood, “the media,” banks, or political structures.

Interestingly, Michaelson doesn’t make a peep about the fact that by his own account, the alleged shooter in the recent high-school massacre in Florida was born to a Jewish mother. But he does mention that there were a “disproportionate number of Jewish victims” in the shooting.

Apparently it’s OK to recognize some patterns but not others. These rules are so hard to follow sometimes.

PHILLY HOUSE VANDALIZED WITH “CRACKER” GRAFFITI
“SNITCHIN AND DIE CRACKER” read the bright-blue lettering spray-painted on the side of the South Philadelphia home of the Joe and Margaux Messina, who are white and whose 12-year old son Joey was the victim of a six-on-one school hallway attack by black teens a few weeks ago at his school.

Recalling that attack, Joey said:

They don’t like me, they never did…they all started coming in and punching my back, I was covering my face.

One night last week, some “teens” allegedly harassed Joey while he was walking home. When his mother awoke the next morning, she discovered the graffiti:

I turned around and just went, ‘Oh my God.’ I called him and said, ‘Hurry up, get out here and look at this.…To write the word die, that’s really, like, taking it far. It wasn’t just a racial comment. It was die.…They let them run that school. It’s a shame to say, they really do. They don’t care about the gangs in there, they deny that when there really is….God forbid if they retaliate and start shooting at our house. We’re really concerned about that.

According to Joey’s father, Joe Messina:

He walked outside and saw that, he came right in, said, ‘Dad, I am scared now.’…We’re trying to get him into another school and he was an honor roll student and his grades are starting to drop cause it’s consistent bullying ….I want to go up to that school and confront the main people and how am I composing myself, I don’t even know. I’m ready to explode….

Joey will not be returning to the school in question. A local news article blamed the whole mess on “schoolyard differences,” which, from what we can glean, arose from a dispute over Saltine crackers.