The Week’s Most Contrarian, Authoritarian, and Minoritarian Headlines
DEAR WHITE PEOPLE: PLEASE STOP BEING SUCH STUPID JERKS, CONT.
These days it seems like a white person can’t sneeze without someone else—usually white, but it’s not mandatory—telling them what a stupid, clumsy, thoughtless, inbred, backward, bigoted, progress-impeding putz they are.
Are you a white feminist? You are? Well, guess what? According to a recent panel sponsored by the University of Michigan, it’s white feminists like you that have made feminism “too Western,” and justice won’t come until you are drowned in a nonwhite tsunami of melanin-rich shrieking hens seeking to defang, de-ball, and disempower any human on Earth with even a droplet of testosterone coursing through their veins—unless, of course, that human is a female-to-male tranny receiving T injections funded by the tax dollars of wheezing, old, soon-to-die white men. According to a chemical engineering professor with the really weird name of Lola Eniola-Adefeso:
White women assume that women of color have shared experiences with men of color…and, of course, the men of color assume that white women have the backs of the women of color….The voice that [gets] lost…is the voice of women of color.
Oh, you’re comin’ in loud and clear, Miss No Voice. And as people without color, we find your comments off-putting.
Are you a white Briton concerned about your once mighty nation’s decline from an empire upon which the sun never set straight into a lice-riddled Islamic daycare center? Well, don’t blame the invaders—“White People Need to Learn How To Integrate,” scolds the perma-smirking brown woman Poppy Noor in a broadside for VICE. According to Noor, it is not the Pakistani gang rapists of Rotherham who are causing cultural friction in England—“it’s middle-class whites who are failing to assimilate.”
Are you one of the statistical majority of white Americans who say that this whole “racism” thing is an overblown moral panic that doesn’t address more pressing problems such as cultural fracturing and a $20-trillion debt? Well, don’t be surprised if a member of the minority of Goodwhites attends a “For Whites Only” workshop in Oregon led by a dark-skinned black man clad in colorful African garb and designed to teach the Goodwhites to bring the Badwhites to heel through a gradual process of reeducation and ritual humiliation.
Are you the sort of white person who makes horribly hateful and implicitly violent online comments toward nonwhites such as “I don’t see color” and “Why do you always have to make everything about race?” If so, you’d better duck—a pair of implicit lesbians with eating disorders and unfortunate faces have founded the White Nonsense RoundUp in order to anonymously school you on why you’re a piss-poor ally to people of color and probably shouldn’t even have a job or a house.
Finally, do you find yourself among the hordes of brainwashed and spineless white people who are always going out of your way to prove how “not racist” you are? Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that’s “kind of racist.” If you’re a white guy who wants to have sex with a brown girl…or if you’re a white woman who’s totally into yoga just to prove how anti-Western you are…you’re really not much better than George Lincoln Rockwell, you clumsy, well-meaning cracker fool.
Jeepers creepers, if you bend over backwards and grab your ankles in endless self-effacing displays to prove how not racist you are and wind up getting called a racist anyway, explain again what the benefits are of not being racist?
GIRL NAMED “TIMOTHY” ACCUSES ANOTHER GIRL OF RAPING HER
The #MeToo movement has brought women out of the woodworks—some of them legitimate victims, many of them undoubtedly vengeful, castrating, psychopathic Medusas—to ruin men’s lives with claims of decades-old inappropriate touching.
But now, in an exciting new development, women are beginning to accuse other women of raping them, too.
Despite her first name, Timothy Heller is a woman. She is also an “aspiring singer,” which is the unemployed white female version of “aspiring rapper.” In a recent Tweetstorm, she accused Melanie Martinez—a somewhat successful singer with a giant gap between her teeth and over 350,000 tattoos—of sexually assaulting her.
Heller—who claims to have suffered sexual abuse throughout her life and like so many of her ilk, seems to make it the centerpiece of her identity as a human being—writes:
The thought of accepting that my best friend raped me seems insane….One night during a sleepover, she became increasingly interested in my sexual preferences….She began asking me while in bed if I would have sex with her….I repeatedly said no. I had work in the morning….Regardless of my response the first night, she was not giving up…..She began talking about the appearance of my boobs and begged to JUST touch them….This led to her touching the rest of me. I never said yes. I said no, repeatedly. But she used her power over me, and broke me down. Just so there is no confusion, I was molested by my best friend. I lay still, in shock, completely not reciprocating….she performed oral sex on me and then I was penetrated with a sex toy without being asked….I said no. FOR TWO NIGHTS STRAIGHT….I beg you to imagine her role in this being a man. Girls can rape girls. Best friends can rape best friends.
Martinez replied that she was “horrified and saddened” by Heller’s accusations, which is exactly what you’d expect a rapist to say.
ANOTHER BLACK-ON-SELF HATE CRIME
We live in a country where white people are so lazy, we have to import millions of hostile and unwashed aliens to do the jobs they just won’t do. As we learned last month when an anti-black hate crime at the Air Force Academy turned out to have been committed by a black cadet, one of the jobs that white people just won’t do anymore involves committing hate crimes against nonwhites.
We had to learn this sad lesson yet again last week when it was revealed that white men in the Navy are increasingly too lazy to commit hate crimes against black sailors. Instead, little Marquie Little, a “27-year-old African American seaman,” was found to be the hidden hand behind a racist attack that left his bunkbed littered in trash and covered in racial slurs.
What does it say about a race that they can’t even bring themselves to commit hate crimes against people who don’t look like them? Clearly it says that they are no longer fit to govern.