The Week That Perished

April 16, 2017

Multiple Pages
The Week That Perished

The Week’s Snappiest, Crappiest, and Unhappiest Headlines

Fulfilling Donald Trump’s campaign promise to “bomb the shit out of” ISIS, US forces dropped an 11-ton Massive Ordnance Air Blast (MOAB) bomb on an Islamic State stronghold in eastern Afghanistan last Thursday. The largest non-nuclear weapon ever used in combat, the MOAB is also referred to as the “Mother Of All Bombs.” On Twitter, a self-described “social justice” and “diversity” expert named Eric Stoller griped that the nickname was hurtful toward women, whom we suspect he doesn’t fancy sexually but aligns with ideologically in the eternally righteous battle against straight white men:

It’s grotesque to call a killing device, the “Mother of All Bombs.” The #MOAB is the epitome of lethal patriarchy.

We suspect that if the massive phallic explosive device had been nicknamed the “Father of All Bombs,” Mr. Stoller would have blamed that on the patriarchy, too.

Stoller is also shameless enough to refer to himself as a “thought-leader.” Here’s a thought: Stoller, you’re the Daughter of All Sissies. It’s unflattering to spend your entire life fighting a bitterly vengeful imaginary war inside your head against the bullies who beat you up in grade school.

Following in Eric Stoller’s tradition of accusing inanimate military devices of unforgivable sins, Mother Jones editor-in-chief Clara Jeffery—whom, it must be noted, is a rather plain specimen of the fairer sex—sent a giant Virtue Smoke Signal to America’s Injun community with the following tweet:

That the missiles are called tomahawks must enrage a lot of Native Americans

“It appears that the masked minions of George Soros may have bitten off far more than they can chew.”

Paleface squaw speak with forked tongue to make heap big nonsense. She smokum too much from peace pipe.

From the Russian republic of Chechnya come lurid tales that gay males are being “rounded up” into the “world’s first concentration camp for homosexuals since Hitler’s in the 1930s where campaigners say gay men are being tortured with electric shocks and beaten to death.”

An account in The Guardian reads like an S&M pulp novel from the 1950s:

At least once a day, Adam’s captors attached metal clamps to his fingers and toes. One of the men then cranked a handle on a machine to which the clamps were linked with wires, and sent powerful electric shocks through his body. If he managed not to scream, others would join in, beating him with wooden sticks or metal rods.

Tatiana Lokshina, spokeschick for Human Rights Watch in Moscow, says that the “camps” do not exist, but she claims that police are indeed rounding up gay men in the Chechen Republic and routinely torturing them in “holding facilities.”

Chechen authorities have repeatedly denied that gay men are being abducted and tortured, but they offer a uniquely delightful alibi—they deny that there are any gay men in Chechnya. “You cannot detain and persecute people who simply do not exist in the republic,” said government spokesman Alvi Karimov.

Amid all the outrage from the Western press about this story, rarely is it mentioned that Chechnya’s population is 95% Muslim.

For two full days last week, the Huffington Post’s South Africa bureau hosted an article titled “Could It Be Time To Deny White Men The Franchise?” Published last Thursday under the byline “Shelley Garland,” the article argued for denying white men the right to vote for 20-30 years:

If white men were not allowed to vote, it is unlikely that the United Kingdom would be leaving the European Union, it is unlikely that Donald Trump would now be the President of the United States, and it is unlikely that the Democratic Alliance would now be governing four of South Africa’s biggest cities….Let’s be clear, it may be unfair, but a moratorium on the franchise for white males for a period of between 20 and 30 years is a small price to pay for the pain inflicted by white males on others, particularly those with black, female-identifying bodies.

On Saturday, the Huffington Post took the article down:

We have done this because the blog submission from an individual who called herself Shelley Garland, who claimed to be an MA student at UCT, cannot be traced and appears not to exist.

We assume it was a white male who posed as “Shelley Garland,” and we would like to buy him lunch.

We have previously covered the dispiriting phenomenon of “furries”—a group of mostly gay and 100% weird adults who enjoy dressing up as animals and congregating at “furry conventions.”

Rolling Stone magazine—which last week settled a defamation lawsuit by a University of Virginia dean who was falsely smeared in their legendarily fraudulent “A Rape on Campus” story—continues its hard-hitting, truth-digging journalism with a feature called “Does the Furry Community Have a Nazi Problem?

A gay, half-Thai Coloradan furry named Lee Miller enjoys adopting a “fursona” he calles Foxler Nightfire, who sports a red armband with a black pawprint. Other furries complained that Miller’s accoutrement too closely resembled a Nazi armband and demanded that he remove it from his costume. When he refused, a “furry identifying as a Tasmanian Devil” tweeted about how he “Can’t wait to punch Nazis” at an upcoming Colorado furry convention. When someone responded that they couldn’t wait to see the would-be Nazi-puncher “get shot” for launching such an “unprovoked assault,” Denver police got involved. The convention was ultimately canceled because the estimated security cost to prevent a fascist v. anti-fascist furry brawl would have gobbled up a third of the convention’s overall budget.

Australian psychiatrist Stephen Stathis—who says that people legitimately diagnosed with gender dysphoria should be permitted to “transition” to their gender of choice—notes a huge recent uptick in children claiming to be transgender. But he also says that only a minority of these new trannies-in-training are actually suffering from gender dysphoria and that many do it simply to be trendy. “One said to me, ‘Dr Steve…I want to be transgender, it’s the new black’.”

You can call yourself a girl if you want, but we just call it “trends-genderism.”

A 50-year-old homosexual named Curtis Campbell told police that on March 12 in Manhattan, 26-year-old Grant Leach kicked him in the crotch while screaming anti-gay slurs at him. Now Campbell has been arrested not only for filing a false report, but for assault against Leach—after reviewing the evidence, police claim that Campbell was the assailant and had swung “a metal object” at the man he falsely accused of homophobic violence.

A series of “threatening letters to local leaders of the black community in Knoxville, Tennessee over the last few weeks” were purportedly sent out by a white auto-shop owner who challenged blacks to come and fight him at his business. A letter sent to a black pastor read in part:

I am a very racist white man and with Mr. Trump in the White House being the President, white people going to take over the world.

It turns out that the letters were actually written by a black man named Lamar Coleman, who apparently had some unspecified beef with the white auto-shop owner.

Police in Charlotte, NC, suspect a black man of firebombing and smashing the windows of a “Nepali Indian store that sells fast food” and leaving a typed note that tried to frame a white racist for the crimes:

Our newly elected president Donald Trump is our nation builder for White America. You all know that, we want our country back on the right track. We need to get ride of Muslims, Indians and all immigrants.

Rounding out this week’s abundant harvest of hate crime hoaxes is news that two black girls have been arrested for defacing a Texas high school with naughty anti-black words.

In Berkeley, CA—where authorities allow masked Antifa goons to smash and burn and loot and assault everything in sight at the very possibility of an accused “Nazi” setting foot within city limits—Antifa turds who sought to disrupt a pro-Trump rally were set running scared by a superior show of force by the Trump crowd. This represents the latest in a series of victories in California against these masked cowards. Such victories include Antifa’s humiliation in Huntington Beach last month and the glorious Battle of Sacramento from last June.

It appears that the masked minions of George Soros may have bitten off far more than they can chew.

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