Hollywood

The Tragedy of Doctor Who

July 20, 2017

Multiple Pages
The Tragedy of Doctor Who

The new Doctor Who is a woman. “All the cool humans are thrilled,” cooed Mashable; “Pissboys Are Melting Down,” added Dorkly (when did nerds start talking like bitter drag queens?). The Telegraph was slightly more sober and wrote off the whole thing with “Who cares?” It doesn’t matter to the establishment left because we’ve already established that men are exactly the same as women—especially when it comes to fiction. They see nothing wrong with female superheroes and action stars. It’s 2017, after all.

Charlize Theron’s Atomic Blonde got a $30M budget and she’s been scoped to become the new James Bond. Thor thinks she’d be great and women’s magazines declare she is “the James Bond we need now.” They also like the idea of Bond girl Halle Berry from Die Another Day trading in her orange bikini for a tux and becoming 007. If Jaws from Moonraker tried to rip her head off she’d just grab him by his seven-foot frame and toss him aside like a bag of dirty laundry. We’d sit there pretending physics doesn’t exist and rejoice in the egalitarianism of it all.

“I don’t want the new Doctor Who to give up her life to travel through time fighting robots.”

Have you ever been assaulted by a woman? It’s painless. As a feminist, I don’t think it should be a rule to “never hit a woman,” but punching back any more than one time for every twelve she hits you seems unnecessarily cruel. They have no upper-body strength. The fastest a woman has ever thrown a baseball is 69 mph. For men, it’s 105. I don’t want to watch women pile-driving bank robbers and knocking out villains because it looks stupid. When Jeffrey Tambor puts on a dress and a wig, I don’t go, “Who cares?” I laugh and say, “That guy looks ridiculous.” I do this because I have eyeballs and they’re still connected to my brain.

Geena Davis has entire seminars devoted to getting more women into action movies. They insist the only reason we don’t watch 130-pound supermodels kick the shit out of MS-13 is sexism. That’s insane. The reason we don’t see more movies like this is because the free market doesn’t ask for it and the free market doesn’t ask for it because it’s not natural. Nerds are scared to death of pretty women and aren’t fazed when they see them do superhuman acts of violence, but those of us who have had sex get worried when we see little girls in a fight. They have smaller bones. They’re more likely to pull a muscle. They’re more delicate. Their bodies are more valuable. Women can create human life. As Ann Coulter says, “Women are sentient.” What’s more feminist than that?

I don’t want the new Doctor Who to give up her life to travel through time fighting robots. She looks like she’s in her 30s. Does she have any kids? (The actress who plays her, Jodie Whittaker, has a toddler, but she’s 35 now so there probably won’t be more, which is a shame.) These are normal questions to ask when you see a character give up on society. You wonder if she was molested or maybe she spent some time in prison and doesn’t want to be seen again. You assume her husband died, poor thing. That’s not heroic. It’s tragic. It’s heroic to see a woman with five happy kids and a loving husband contribute to her community. She used her powers for good. To see a woman wander off into space is heartbreaking.

Unfortunately, “equality” today is about taking away the one magic power women have in real life and replacing it with becoming a fictional badass. I don’t get it. It’s like living in a society with wizards and demanding they be equally represented in punk bands. He could turn you into a frog or cure a kid’s cancer, but we have him playing bass for Anti-Nowhere League. Even in that scenario, bandmates would likely ask him to use his magic powers to lift an amp or turn a flat tire into a brand-new one. I think it would be a cruel and unusual punishment to take away Gandalf’s staff and replace it with a Fender Deluxe, but that’s exactly what all this propaganda is doing. They are replacing magic with bullshit.

When I was a kid, they were on their fourth Doctor Who. He was played by Catholic Scouser Tom Baker, who was in his 40s at the time. Back in the 1970s, a man that age had kids who had gone off to college long ago. Doctor Who seemed like a free agent, and it wasn’t sad seeing him travel through time to fight Daleks. Besides, men’s bodies aren’t valuable and they can find love much later in life. Peter Brimelow started a new family in his 60s. Jodie Whittaker barely popped one kid out and the character she plays looks like a sad, childless spinster who chose other dimensions over true joy. Poor Doctor Who.

Those of us who value women and their gift don’t like to see them throw it away. Our suspension of disbelief doesn’t allow us to enjoy them beating the crap out of six Green Berets, either. Nerds like it, but these people masturbate to cartoons. Fuck them. The only group that truly enjoys this bizarre universe is feminist spinsters with an ax to grind. If you think they will ever be appeased, you probably think Muslims will stop attacking us if we change our foreign policy. In fact, the feminists have already expressed their distaste for the new female Doctor Who. Apparently, she’s not good enough.

“What’s just as infuriating is that Whittaker had tempered her excitement for the lead role in anticipation of the fragility of the male ego,” snapped Jezebel. “In an interview with the Radio Times she said, ‘I want to tell the fans not to be scared of my gender.’” How dare she acknowledge she’s the first female to play a role that’s half a century old! The ungrateful Armenian Anita Sarkeesian went much further, claiming the move lacked intersectionality. “It needs to be said that [Doctor Who] is still an OVERWHELMINGLY white show,” she told her 735K followers, “& that issues of representation do not exist in isolation from each other. It’s not as if you fix the ‘woman’ problem, THEN fix the ‘race’ problem, THEN the ‘queer/trans’ problem, etc. It all has to happen in tandem.” In other words, these cat ladies will never be satisfied. We need to stop telling our eyes that they’re full of shit, and we should allow what’s natural to be perfectly natural. Appeasing nerds and feminists with their Marxist cultural fiction is an endless pit of garbage culture. As King Lear put it, “O, that way madness lies.”

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