The Stones’ Bad Girl, Weird Hook Up Alert & Huckabee Blasts Portman

Theodora Richards is wailing “Gimme Shelter” after she was caught by cops inking up a SoHo convent. Oh, but then it got worse for Keith Richards’ willowy 25-year-old daughter—she was also carrying pot and pills. The model wild child’s graffiti was a tiny red inscription: T [hearts] A. Who might the lucky gent be? Richards’ guilty plea will get her two days of community service and one day in a drug treatment facility. Like father, like daughter.

Baby Houston, we have a problem. Whitney’s daughter Kristina Brown is fuming at her ex-boyfriend for leaking photos allegedly showing her snorting coke. Is Brown, who just turned 18 on Friday, “hooked on cocaine and booze” like the National Enquirer would have you believe? “A former very dear person to me did this. Set me up to make it look exactly what it looks like,” she said in one of numerous defensive tweets this week. “God will smite them yes.”

And then there’s Christina Aguilera. Fresh off her divorce from Jordan Bratman—and many years out of the spotlight while being a doting mother—Aguilera is back and stumbling around like she’s still an undergrad. She was arrested earlier this week for public intoxication, as was her 25-year-old boyfriend Matthew Rutler, who was driving drunk. That’s one way to get the paparazzi hounding you again. Old nemesis Britney Spears is back with a hot single and cover spread, and Christina’s…cavorting around Los Angeles. Whoever thought it’d end up this way?

So you’re a relatively well-liked pol gunning for a 2012 bid. What will help your public approval ratings more than blasting a freshly crowned Oscar winner for having an out-of-wedlock child? Mike Huckabee was struck with foot-in-mouth syndrome this week after calling out Natalie Portman for “glamorizing” unwed pregnancies. Portman, who is engaged to Benjamin Millepied, has yet to comment, but after her Galliano slam, we don’t doubt she will.

No surprise here: Anne Hathaway and James Franco supposedly hate each other after their crash-and-burn Oscar performance, according to insiders. A source claims show producers were “pissed” at the 127 Hours star’s lackluster energy and eye-rolling. Their reps are trying to put the rumors on ice, saying it’s not true and they had a “wonderful experience” together. Still, Franco hightailed it out of Los Angeles so fast he made it to a 9:45am class in New Haven the next day.

Matt Damon’s getting feisty in his old(er) age. While on Piers Morgan’s show this week he said he, like half of the nation’s population, was unhappy with Obama’s performance during his first years in office. Damon wished the president mentioned the millions of people languishing in poverty during his State of the Union speech. “I no longer hope for audacity,” he said. Well Matty, after your clunky new film The Adjustment Bureau, we no longer hope to remain awake in theaters.

John Galliano was fired from his post at Dior after a video was released showing him berating another couple in Paris with anti-Semitic comments. But of course, the show must go on. At Paris Fashion Week, Dior’s president gave a speech before Galliano’s designs went down the runway: “What has happened over the last week has been a terrible and wrenching order for us all.” Galliano will strand trial for making racist insults in public—and could get six months in prison. (Although don’t hold your breath.)

Scarlett Johansson is moving onwards, upwards, and older with her new beau. After a painful split with Ryan Reynolds, she was seen in Cabo San Lucas vacationing with Sean Penn, and later in Los Angeles delicately resting her foot in Penn’s lap during lunch. Aw, crazy kids in “love.”

Speaking of unlikely couples, jaws dropped this week when 30 Rock’s schlubby stand-up comic Judah Friedlander insinuated he hooked up with Susan Sarandon, who many thought was dating Jonathan Bricklin, co-founder of their ping pong club SPiN. They all appear to be close friends though, and are probably laughing at the rumors over a quick and dirty ping pong game now.

And a proper gossip round up wouldn’t be complete without an update on the man, the myth, the tiger-blooded Adonis known as Charlie Sheen. He gave interviews to a ton of major media outlets this week, joined Twitter—notching a Guinness World Record for reaching one million followers in less than 24 hours—and, more seriously, lost custody of his kids to ex-wife Brooke Mueller. He’s also claiming that Two and a Half Men isn’t dead—but talk about a hostile work environment. Money covers up all matter of sins, but his kind of crazy is inescapable.

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