Cultural Caviar

The Roof Korean Option: A Response to Rod Dreher

September 07, 2017

Fortified with cigarettes and Pepsi from their amply supplied convenience stores, the Roof Koreans were able to battle back African and Latino diversity squads and saved their businesses from flames and themselves from the embarrassment of becoming unwilling diversity grandparents.

These heroic defenders of kith, kin, and refrigerators full of overpriced cola have become an inspiration to the most recent generations of American youth who wonder why their spoiled boomer parents care more about college football and lawn maintenance than the future of their country.

Thus, in response to Dreher’s wimpy Benedict Option, I would like to propose “The Roof Korean Option.”

In the Roof Korean Option, or RKO, Americans (whether Christian or otherwise) do set about the work of building intentional communities grounded in religion, farming, and classical education. However, instead of J.Crew-adorned “gay dads” fumbling their way through the racy passages in Ovid and crying about the plight of “the undocumented” as being analogous to the Holy Family fleeing into Egypt (that is, temporarily and legally moving from one part of the Roman Empire to another part of the Roman Empire), the Roof Korean Option will be unapologetically ethnocentric, obnoxiously patriarchal, and not quite so attentive to the latest fashion trends.

The Roof Korean Option will recognize that this life is “nasty, brutish, and short” and there is little time to sit and chat with Rod about the merits of gay civil unions while getting a $75 haircut when your home is being broken into or your daughter didn’t get into Notre Dame because she checked “white” on the entrance application.

The Roof Korean Option provides a sober antidote to the delusional lisping of crunchy cons like Rod Dreher who want to spend their days hiding out, munching on organic kale while nursing an internet addiction and denouncing their Confederate ancestors loud enough for the ADL to hear.

When the merde finally hits the fan (well, actually, it already has), what is left of America probably will still have the ability to hide out with Rod Dreher at a chicken farm in rural Louisiana doing Latin flash cards with their kids and brewing homemade cappuccinos.

However, you will probably find this white boy ensconced on a roof somewhere on Wilshire Boulevard with a bowl of ramen and a Pepsi Throwback, surrounded by heavily armed, cigarette-smoking, early-’90s-aesthetic East Asians.

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